a forgotten note

well I wrote that in 1997 I was a freshman in high school and well I still don't know what made me try harder then normal to kill myself. She never talked about this letter to me and I asume she forgot before long. She never knew that I continued the attempts because I can be very sneaky and it was true I had forgotten I had even written the letter by the next day.
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Mom,

I want you to well ....... kinda look out for me and watch me if I start acting strange.

the reason why I'm writting you is because I can't tell you. I guess I'm a coward. I'm gonna tell you in this letter one of my darkest secrets and you have to promise not to tell dad. Otherwise don't bother reading on.

Ok. the reason that I want you to watch out for me in a quiet way please! is because I'm in a situation and I don't know if I can handle it alone. DON'T TELL NO ONE! here's my secret. Don't be disgusted or mad at me.

Remember the last time you went to montana? Well I got really depressed for some reason in which I have forgotten. But thats not the point. I tried to kill myself. I tried sufication but I was going nuts with something over my mouth. So I went around the house lookin for a sharp knife. But we had none. So I tried to overdose on pills. 2 bristol and 12 tylenol was all I could find. I woke up though.

I don't know why I am depressed. Well that was a LIE! I do it's because nothing makes any sense anymore. All that matters now is going out, guys, and being popular, and keeping my grades up to do that, the fun has gone out of this lifetime. Yeah, I have enjoyed myself but enjoying and having fun are 2 different things.

Plus the guys part has become out of hand. It's no FUN! Yeah Yeah "life's not to be fun but indured" I hate that saying! Just kinda watch me. And please don't mention this to anyone. No one knows but you. Not even Sheren. (sheren is my sister)

Don't mention any of this to me either. Because I probably won't remember writting this note.

That's another thing. My memory! It's to short to be normal. Like I'll get home and not remember something really important till when it happens or sometimes never.

I'm getting tired.

Love ya,

Leala


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