Rolling through the topography of the hills and valleys
We arrive and wander, lustful and listless, down rusted alleys
Gold flake and blood burgundy, brand new rubber and diesel exhaust
Gnaw on baked pork, rare asparagus, get properly drunk and feel lost
Reach into the purple sack and don the crown of fools
The blue-eyed prince sits on the threaded precipice and drools
The dawning of the new day greets the weary travelers like god's own flashlight
And the wind threatens to erode away all sensibility
The day is spent searching for an odor and trying to hold down water
Sheltered by polyester and nylon and dreams of his daughter
The unrelenting wind, menacing and adamant, tears at the dome
Inside the petrified mummy reels while is allies are sitting on chrome
Dusk makes its hasty approach and the mad gales subside
The crew agrees they are famished and concede to take a ride
The hot clam chowder and bread greets their hungry stomachs like god's own manna
And tomorrow holds the promise of certain bounty
Author notes
Written December 15th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Can you change "dusk makes it's.." so it's grammatically correct (i.e. take out the apostrophe) and appease my nagging? I kind of like the repetition of "god's own [noun]" as if the narrator is having some sort of communal and spiritual experience around camping. To me camping is a weird and wonderful land of potential symbols: enjoying nature-with-a-capital-N while wrapping yourself up in high-tech fabrics. Some combination of stripped down experience, getting rid of culture and ackowlegding just how much we need our technology.
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thanks bd.
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very good
this was an interesting write did spot a little bit of spelling gone wrong but spell check can remedy that,have donned the crown of fools myself a couple of times but so glad that there was no rolling sea under me at the time! -
Well Written!
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the rocking and the rhythm really serves to convey the cycle of inebriation. you have excellent imagery, i like line three for it's accuracies and contrasts, first two lines grab the attention. i may be wrong about the inebriation, please let me know! third stanza, first line, excellent line, very exact.....searching for an odour....hmmm. when i had enough money to go out and get drunk i used to frequent a little rock club in manchester that has an allnighter on a friday. 'god's own flash light' ha ha........that's exactly how it felt when we were all turfed out of the club at seven in the morning, right out into the light. errgh. anyway i'm taking up too much space on your comments here. i hope a gave a decent enought critique. a yo ho ho and all that........dear me.
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wonderfull...
that was sooo nice. I really liked it. You were good at chosing the photo too because sunset is my third weak apot. The first one is stars... then the sea... and then comes the sunset. I LOVE stars. I don't know why. I can look at stars for hours and hours without getting bored. The same effect is occuring when I watch the sea. But if it all joins... Stars on the sky, sea and sunset... I'll probably get mad... Stupid, isn't it... But your work was very cute and beautiful. Well done! Thanks for your sweet comments and messeges too.
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