.December. by g r e y i s m at All poetry

Some flight,
some old, dark
quiet night
when light reflects itself
against white pillars,
these empty ghosts
long gone.

Still I smile
at the world
as it holds me carelessly;
with a nod
and a blank stare
into the outer edges
where tree branches wither.

It is cold here.
I swell
in spite of the air;
dark, cracking winds
rush past these windows,
shrill at times,
yelling at the glass panes.

Author notes

the photo included was taken by myself.
Written December 14th, 2005

In a list

these, them, and those. • next in list

A contest entry

Breath-Taking Poetry II by Leslie. 300 points, ended January 10, 2006, 1 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
g r e y i s m
March 16, 2006
Edit | Reply

pray do tell me what this poem specifically has to do with the contest or as an example of what I do and do not like? also, when you said to try to figure out what would make you put a tent stake through your eve, at first I was confused. "put a stake through my eve?" then I realized you meant eye!
as far as what would make me want to gouge my eyes out, I think it's quite clear. I said it once and I'll say it again: forced rhyming. do you know what it is? it's when someone has to make their poem rhyme at all costs, whether or not it results in a piece which produces a pleasing sound and flow.
Robin Candor
March 15, 2006
Edit | Reply

I read December to try to figure out what would make you put a tent stake through your eve, but that is not really a piece to tell me what you hate in rhyming poetry. I read one of the entries and thought, "I wonder if I can tell what she hates.?" I like this poem and reviewed all the comments including your defense of 'itself' in the piece. Will look at some others to attempt to garner some idea of how bad something would have to be to bring about your loss of vision.. RC
EstherG
March 15, 2006
Edit | Reply

Ooh...this is lovely, it actually feels all bare and stark and Wintry and haunted. I loved the internal rhyming of 'flight' in the first stanza, which I thought was quite clever - for me, the 'light' part of the word was amplified, and compounded on with the later use of 'white', which accentuated the Wintry visuals. I also liked the contrast between the raging images in the last stanza, and the almost casual tone. Lovely.
Leslie
December 29, 2005
Edit | Reply

Thanks for entering this contest...

Oh my lord Lea… this piece I adore … well I love the first stanza how it reflects some sort of sadness and then the twist in the second one and add the “Still I smile” I love that one and then you just strike me with an excellent use of words this piece indeed inspired me and took my breath away and then the third stanza seems like it comes back to the same dark point… I just love it …. … well remarkable job… miss indigo skies

Best Wishes in the Contest…
Happy New Year…
Leslie
Axelle Black
December 19, 2005
Edit | Reply

I agree with Tina. It does sound like that poem she wrote. "Winter Hanging On" I think is the title. Anyway. Gorgeous piece here. I especially love the last stanza, but all of this is brilliant. I hate it when you're competition in a contest. It makes me nervous...
Ava Noire
December 17, 2005
Edit | Reply

I've been away too long. Have missed your work.

This seems as if it will be a continuing thing. It reads almost like a poem I wrote, writing a snippet each day for several days. The tone and images work well in capturing the essence of winter.
wordlover
December 16, 2005
Edit | Reply

A+
I see "itself" as adding a different dimension to the whole poem. Light symbolizing the essence of soul, excluding the impermanent things that could also be reflected. I think an ellipsis mark ( . . . ) after "long gone" could enhance the resonance, especially of that first stanza. Shivery imagery!!! This may not be your very best ever, but it certainly captures the mood (and weather) of December. A+ work!!! Stu
pattyann4500
December 15, 2005
Edit | Reply

Ah, this is promising to be a bitter winter here in Colorado. We have had a very harsh couple of months already, and it certainly doesn't seem that it will be getting better any time soon.

I loved reading this. There is a bittersweet sense to it. I felt every word of it! Wonderful as usual. Hugs, Murms ♥
g r e y i s m
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

i like using "itself". I don't believe there is any good reason not to and I think it adds assonance to the piece.
g r e y i s m
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

no it probably doesn't, but I don't see why not.
g r e y i s m
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

as if I don't know. I grew up where it's never cold in December. but here it is. and I chose to dwell on it.
MuddyKing
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

The cold is felt with every word...I love the haunting metaphor used with this piece...some things wrap our windows harder than others...brilliant
a chill can cut us even in a midsummer wind, and December I think holds more meaning than merely s month of the year.
Peace Muddy
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

Wow, this is a very good piece. It's calming and ables you to imagine the feeling of being there. +nods in approval+

"Some flight,
some old, dark
quiet night"
The flow to this stanza is wonderful. ^_^

Great job, keep it up, hon!
xxunloved07xx
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

This was a really great piece i loved how it flowed you did a really great job on it keep up the great work and thanks for sharing!
~*!heather!*~
joybug
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

dark lovely
oooooo--I think I see more than intended here. A cold dark tombstone and the occupant whose rest it marks? Cemetariers are great sources of inspiration. Great work, and I agree is "itself" really necessary?
Edna Sweetlove
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

Of course, one mustn't think of December as a cold month. This is Northern hemisphere thinking! For half of the world, December is midsummer. And for people in the tropics, there is no winter anyway. If Bush and the gang keep on ignoring global warming, winterv may be a thing of the past anyway as future generations all paddle round in oceanic sewage.
obscurepresence
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

i love the last stanza. awesome poem really em...word?... subtle feel-good. does that start need to have 'itself' in it though? xxx
care bear love
December 14, 2005
Edit | Reply

This is a very differnt kind of write that I have had the pleasure of reading today. I think you did a good job with this write. I think it is kinda sad though. Keep up the good work!

Casey