You say you are my friend,
yet I've begun to doubt
if what you say is true.
There is a big, deep rift
twixt what you say and do.
You say you are my friend,
and will support my fight
against the plights of life,
yet as you guard my back
you stab me with your knife.
You say you are my friend,
and only mean to help,
and show a bright white smile.
But hidden are the fangs
that spew out bitter bile.
You say you are my friend,
and slander my good name,
as if I would not know.
But most of all I'm glad
you are my friend, not foe.
© Jim T. Henriksen
December 13th, 2005
Author notes
"Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism." - Edgar W. Howe
Abuse comes in all shapes and sizes, even between friends... This poem was entered as a prewrite in Midnight Temptress' contest "Abuse poems".
A Monchielle is a style I created. First line repeats in each stanza, it consist four stanzas in total, each stanza consists of five lines, each line consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme. The pattern is "Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml" .
Written December 13th, 2005
In a list
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A contest entry
- Abuse poems by Angel of Mercy.
500 points, ended March 7, 2006, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 72 of 72
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Hi, Midnight Temptress! You like the style? Check out my other poems in this style aswell! Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it!
Jim
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Nice job making your own style. And beautiful job writing this poem. It was great.
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Hi, shastadaisey123! This form may be difficult to grasp at first, but if you have the ability to write in rhyme and rhythm, it should not be impossible! Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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I applaud you, this looks extremely easy, so, I am certain it is terribly difficult to accomplish
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Hi, Laura! Yes, this is written out of experience, of the type that is learned the hard way. This person was the friendliest person I knew before, but then I learned a new side of him, he's a mean and hateful person when he's drunk - which has happened alot. Now I avoid him for all it's worth, and only chat briefly with him if I meet him in the streets... In the last lines I write that I am glad he's my "friend", and not my enemy, because if he does this to a friend, imagine what he can do to an enemy?
Well, thanks for your comment, and your heartwarming applause! I really appreciate it, my friend!! Jim
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Thank you for linking me into this, I see how well it relates to my present situation, stanza 2 is particularly powerful. There is an unmistakeable depth to this piece, one of experience. A good solid write. Thanks for sharing. La x
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Hi, Shahrzad! No, the poem is not about you, my friend.
Thanks for the comment! Jim
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wow..really a great poem.I'm glad it's not for me.
Shahrzad -
Hi, Roz! I look forward to reading your first Monchielle. Let me know when it is done, and I will give you a proper comment. Jim
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Just had to come back and say one thing...you're well keen on creating new styles and I like that. I'm gonna take all your new styles and practice them as a "stretching myself" exercise...then come back with a big stick to beat you with lol when I've finally driven myself nuts trying.
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Hi, Bill! Thanks for your great comment, and heartwarming applause! I really appreciate it, especially the two words "as usual". Jim
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great contrast, hammered home the point (as usual). Very good....
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Hi, Zorg! Thank you for your comment, and your applause. It does not matter if the applause has to be verbally, that you like it is enough.
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Jim I think we can all relate to this poem.I like it very much but can only verbally applaud you for it my friend.Well done and keep up the good work.
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Hi, Nikki! Thanks for the comment, and your applause, my friend. I am glad you like it. Jim
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wonderful work Jim! So true are your words! I love your very unique style and I give you credit for coming up with such a strong structure! good work! Keep it up!
Mel
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Hi, Zonia! Thanks for the kudos on the style! As to the subject, friendships are made on different fundaments, some on sand, some on rock... Thanks for the comment, and the applause, my friend! Jim
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This is a perfect Monchielle, but nobody knows this better than you. You did a great job with the form. The flow was terrific and the rhyming too. About the contents.... I wonder if such a person, who is stabbing you in the back and slandering your good name, worth it to be called your friends. In my opinion friends don't do that. Amazing if you can accept that. You must really love that friend. Great write. Well done. Anna.
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Hi, Brokenpen! Thanks for the kind words, my friend, and the wonderful comment! Kudos! Jim
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awesome
well i liked it.. a new form for me to see.. then i see y you made this form..lol well kudos to you.and i think we all can relate to this.. betrayal or hurtful things said.. well done my friend. thank you for sharing your words with me. -
Hi, Gaara! Sad to hear that you feel the poem relate to you, but I'm glad you like it.
Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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This poem was great. And yes.. One can realte to this poem as all the others also says Even i can relate to this poem as well ^^
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Hi, Niccy! Seems many out there can relate to what I wrote in this poem. Thanks for the good luck wishes, I cross my toes to win the contest. Jim
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Hi, Hidd3n T3ars! Yes, you commented two or three days ago. Your comment has probably been pushed into the "old comments" by newer comments entered afterwards. To see older comments, click Next Comments or (View All) just where the comments start. Hope this clears up a thing or two. Jim
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I really liked the whole feel of this piece and the message it conveyed, I myself along with many others have expirenced what its like to have someone you think is your friend but in all acctuality they are not...great write, keep up the good work, and good luuck in our contest!
xoxo niccy xoxo -
OK WHERE'D MY COMMENT GO? I know without a doubt that I'd read and commented this...
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Hi, Deb! Did it sound childlike? Well, I guess it could be, though I guess I would looked strange at a child saying something like this...
Thanks for your comment! Jim
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Hi, Nena! Thanks for your comment. Yes, some friends we can forgive, some we can not. This show us if they are true friends or not... Thanks for the kudos. I've found that this style of poetry can be used from anything from love to hate. Thanks for the applause. It's really heartwarming to hear that sharp noise of two hands clapping together. Jim
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This is very good, Jim. And, to me, it almost sounded childlike. I know repetition is a feature of this form, but regardless, I could hear a child saying this to another child in a kind of sing-songy fashion. Thanks for sharing!
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This is an amazing work Jim... The content of the poem is great... I know it is the worst thing to feel when you know a friend is acting like a foe but then again that is your friend and you learn to love and forgive. As for the poetry format, Kuddos to you! It is an absolutely gorgeous form. I am not much of a rhyme-format writer but I do like the one you created. Thank you for sharing this wonderful work with me and for the wonderful gift of your ever creative pen... Write on!... Blessed be dear, Nena.
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Hi, Kitty! I had a feeling you would like it. You are absolutely right, it's the worst feeling you can have. Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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Wow. This is absolutely outstanding. I love this and experience it frequently. The feeling of being stabbed in the back by a friend is one of the worst feelings humans are capable of feeling and yet you represented it so well here. Great work!
One love,
Kitty xoxoo -
Hi, Linda! If you can find it in your heart to forgive your friend, it is a true friend. If you can not, then it is not a true friend... There is a very good saying; A friend in need is a friend indeed. Thanks for calling these words lyrics. Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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Ahh no longer in content with this friend, the poem stirred the memory as it took me 22 years to discover friends can be your worse enemy in disguise. Never mind, I loved the poem, I like things true to life that stir these thoughts.
Keep on writing... -
Hi, Udit! Sorry that this poem came at such a bad time for you. If I had known, I would have waited with sending you the link...
Thanks for the comment, and the applause... Feeling a little better now. Jim
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This wasn't a very good day for me to read this poem. I just broke up with a VERY old friend for the same thing. EXACTLY the same thing. Okay....I'm gonna take off, the poem made me cry a bit. He said he was being forward but he was being nasty.....anyways, the poem was a great one. A very good Monchielle. Well done, jim.
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Hi, David(?)! I am glad you liked it that much, my friend. The speaker of this poem, or the "voice" as you put it, is myself. That is why I could make it so personal... Thanks for the comment, and the applause, though! Jim
Ps. Third day of Christmas? -
Hi, Reenie! The style is called Monchielle, and is something I came up with a while back. See the info on it on my page. Seems I forgot to add it in the Author's Comment. Thanks for the comment, and your applause! Jim
Edited on Dec 14, 8:38 because 'Jsut mdae a tpyo...'.
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Hi, Elizabeth! You are absolutely right. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer, or as I like to say it, keep your enemies close, but your friends even closer. Never heard that version of "Sticks and Stones". I know a version ending "but words forever hurt me". Thanks for the wonderful comment, and the awesome applause! Jim
LOL! Leave it to you to call the imagery slaying.
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Hi, Shancy! I am glad you liked this poem and its style, the background and the colors. Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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Hi, Jamie e! Thanks for that! The Monchielle is a style I created a while back, and you can find more info on it on my page. Seems I forgot to add it in the Author's Comment. Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, Ayizan! As to what a Monchielle is, it's a style I've created. Seems I forgot to add that in the Author's Comments. Look to my page to find detailed explanation. I am glad you approved of repetition in this poem. Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, sis! No, I've not been under attack, more like constant fire... friendly fire? Thanks for wanting to protect me, though. Yes, I found the quote, and the poem just came to me, and I had to write it down before the inspiration faded. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your great comment, and your awesome applause, including the standing ovation! Hugs to you and your husband, Joyce! Jim
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Hi, TheTinker! Sorry that this brought back memories. Do you still have contact with this friend? Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, Myra! Yes, that cliché was in my mind when I wrote this, along with "Keep your enemy close, but your friends even closer" (reversed of original saying). I liked your comment, that we ought to know a tree by its fruits. Brilliant put! Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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Hi, Dee! You are absolutely right, my friend. Thanks for a wonderful comment, and a heartwarming applause! Jim
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Hi, Owlfire! Yeah, I guess most people has a friend like this. In most cases the best thing is to just end the friendship, but in some cases that is not the wise thing to do... About "twixt", I tried with "'tween", but it didn't feel right. Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, Desyre! Thank you for your kind comment. Jim
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Hi, LatinoLove! Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, Hidd3n T3ars! Yes, it's a growing problem. People get less and less empathy for other peoples problems. I am glad you liked my poem, and thank you for your comment. Jim
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Hi, Janice! No, I've not exactly been attacked, more like a constant thing... Thanks for the comment, though! Jim
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Hi, pyrokirby! I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, Enigma! Thanks for the very nice comment you left on my poem! I really appreciate it! Jim
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Hi there, Stacy! You are right, some think anything is forgivable in the name of friendship... Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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Thumbs up
Ah! The poem is a very eloquent complaint, pointed yet not whining, clearly requesting an accountability from one in a relationship, a friendship most likely, in which the speaker, the "voice" of the poem, addresses the offending friend.
The rythm and rhyme of the poem naturally flows at first reading; I would expect no less from Starhiker. Thanks you, man, for sharing. Happy third day of Christmas! -
I can't say a thing about the form , because i am unfamiliar with it. However it seems to be one that requires repetition, and in the subject you chose the repetition definitely strenghtens the words .And of course there is abuse among friends a lot of it is verbal and it can hit right to the heart......or it is just a plain betrayal of the friendship , and even that is abuse , because it takes away from the other party's ability to count on loyalty and trust. Each time we are betrayed in any way , it does constitute a form of abuse . You brought that to light very well here . I do wish you the best,
Reenie
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Can count my friends on one hand
Smart,keep your friends close but your enemies closer but as you so wisely write it's becoming much harder to distinguish the two.And Sticks and Stones may break my bones,but words will crucify me!A most astute Poem with a sad yet realistic take on so called friends.Structure is smooth and flowing and the imagery is slaying.Bright white smiles hiding black evil souls.You have the courage to write what many of us know to be true and the bile is bitter and spews all around.I think that is why as we mature we narrow down our circle of friends and quickly separate the wheat from the chaff.An easy read with a powerful and cautionary tale.Thanks for sharing this.Elizabeth -
Very clever last line. This is put together well, good flow, easy to read. It hits home and is truly poetic. I was very impressed with it and I think the setting you chose (background) suits the poem perfectly along with the colors. I
enjoyed reading it. Great job. Shancy. -
Absolutely. Great write, This has awsome contridiction. I am not familiar with this style. But for the first one I've seen you have done it justice. Graet job and keep up the good work. I will have to read more.
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I normally dont go for tepetition(sorry if misspelled) but at the same time Im thinking, " What is a Monchielle?" But back to the poem...
As I was saying, in some cases repetition is good as in this case it was vital in my opinion and you clearly got your message across clearly
Rae -
FANTASTIC!!!!!
Jim, I hope nobody has been attacking you bro!!! They would have to answer to your older sister if that be the case. If you took these words to fill the quote I commend you on what you interpreted. Great monchielle here. For the creator of the form I give you a standing ovation to go along with my applause on what may be the best one I have seen so far.
Love and blessings for you and the family. Merry Christmas for all of you. 
Joyce
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Brings to mind so many memories.. this is why I love poems like this.. they open your mind.
Well written -
good verbalization
Dearest Jim -- A cliché came to mind: with such friends, who needs foes?
Well worded rant. We ought to know that a tree is known by its fruit.
Love
Myra -
Friends can be so hurtful sometimes, even to the point of abuse, and too often without even realizing it. We don't think of that kind of betrayal as 'abuse' but when we do stop and think about how it's effecting the friend, it is indeed abusive.
A good write, Jim, and a good message within this well written piece.
Dee
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Look behind you!!!
I love the sentiment "But most of all I'm glad
you are my friend, not foe."
We all know somebody like that....who makes such a crappy friend, imagine what type of enemy they would make. I also love your use of the word "twixt"...Brilliant.
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Amen to that. You said a big mouthful in that poem and in your comments. Abuse does indeed come in many forms. You did a wonderful job penning this poem.
I can relate to this:
You say you are my friend,
and will support my fight
against the plights of life,
yet as you guard my back
you stab me with your knife.
Very good writing
Desyre
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Outstanding
Good Job man... Great writing =P -
Aww...well that was a really good poem. Sadly, it's all too true in the world today. Even I'm guilty to certain extents of this. People do things that will hurt their friends, sometimes not even realizing it. Awesome job with this, the flow went well and I didn't struggle at all to understand it. Again, great job. MuchLoveAlways~Jessica
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Always wear a smile never turn it upside down
Oh Dear Jim!! has someone been attacking you? I do hope not. It would be very unfair.
Have a wonderful Christmas and SMILE. LOL
Hugs
Jan -
thats definately an interesting peice; i like the last two lines especially
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Oh, very nice. The truth is so GREAT. What can I say other than great job? I like it a lot, It's brilliant, I can relate, It's awesome...all that jazz. Well done!
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Great!
I'm glad to be the first to comment on this piece Jim! Lovely monchielle with a very relatable subject. It's surprising what some people hope to get away with in the name and sake of friendship
Sometimes our friends can really be our worst enemies... sad but true
Nehoo, great write, and keep it up!
Best wishes always,
Stacy
ps: I'm still looking forward to that audrielle
Adding your comment:
1 - 72 of 72
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