Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Unfamiliar Ground

Torn from the normal, recognized life
Thrown into unfamiliar
Tears, once unshed now flow, resembling a river
Noise loud and clear dies down to a mere whisper
Hearts shred and wither away like dead roses
Each word is said slow and smooth
Agonizing pain stretching, like a rainbow stretches in the sky
Across the faces of the unexpected
Flashing memories and scents known
Realization of the words just spoken
Lost is the friend they had
Unknown will the friend become
Memories thought to have happened
Scents thought to have known
Striking feelings pierce the heart
Air becoming stiff and stale
Dazed like states, staggering steps
Unknown thoughts, aimlessly roaming eyes
Uncomprehending words
Paralyzed states as random as seizures
Withdrawing within themselves
Only to be brought back to reality from distant voices.

Author notes


Written December 12th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Shakes-spear
    December 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Spell your name the way you want, its yours that was theirs! This is a nice poem about things that make you go...what the hell is that! No I'm kidding. This is about the friend you lost because you tried to take it a step farther. As the poem you read this doesn't work a lot of times. I'm sorry it cost you the friendship. Lovers do need to be friends, but friends don't have to be lovers. Sometimes it is hard to confide in someone that shares your bed once in a while and when you sleep with some they think they own you and you can see no other. So before you jump in the sack with a friend you have to decide if they are the only one for you, or if they can handle it being a sometimes thing! The Shaker


  • Daniela Violin silver member
    December 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good piece for the most part, well done. You have some spelling errors you may wanna fix though, these are:

    In your title: "Unfarmiliar Ground" should be "Unfamiliar Ground"
    Line 5: "whither" should be "wither"
    Third line from the bottom: "seizers" should be "seizures"

    Also your username is spelt wrong, it should be Clementine

    I encourage you though to continue sharing your poetry with us and as a greeter here, I'd like to welcome you to allpoetry. This site will help you grow as a writer in all ways possible. Should you have any questions or concerns about the site and/or any of its features feel free to IM me or any of the other greeters it is why we are here...
    Edited on Dec 12, 11:27 p.m. because ''.