My Mind's Eye
My mind's eye makes me see you
So much against my will
Yet somehow I surrender
So sad, I love you still
I wish I could forget you
As you've forgotten me
That would make it easier
To let my heart go free
My mind's eye keeps you near me
Your touch and your embrace
Past love costs so much hurting
I can't forget your face
I find that this is torture
You're love for me soon passed
Apparently no problems
Replacing me so fast
My mind's eye sees a world
So vacant, so withdrawn
Slowly, letting go of you
Perhaps, I can move on
For me it's not so easy
Forgetting one so dear
Always with a back-up plan
With "new girl" always near
My mind's eye sees the logic
In knowing I was wrong
Pretending that you loved me
Then "new girl" comes along
Why didn't you just tell me
I never was your type
Hair too light, my eyes too blue
No beauty in your sight
My mind's eye has been crying
Still, no one can see why
For there's no sense in mourning
A love that was a lie
Perhaps the Lord of Karma
Is frowning upon me
My mind's eye still is seeing
The pair that closed on me
Author notes
This was about a terribly hard breakup. My ex-boyfriend, had financial problems. He solved them by hooking up with girls. When I broke up with him, it was sad, but he got married to a \
Written December 11th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Great job Satine! Very sad! And, so relatable (is that a word?) anyway, great job as always! I know exactly how you feel!
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The last line of the first stanza says it all…
”So sad, I love you still”
So sad indeed, that you could still love someone who treated you this way.
Once again you have succeeded in saying exactly what you wanted, with impeccable rhyme and meter… well done girl!
~ Lou ..xx
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Incredible
Im sitting here shakin my head in Wonder at your words.... Oh how we can all relate to this poem , it is posistively the best .. Thankyou -
Effective
Through your poems I am relating better to rhyme work. There is a therapeutic feel to your work. I see this as another example of positive expression inspired through a negative experience. 99.9% of all human grief is about relationships...I know its tough sometimes but "If you're going through hell, keep going" cuase its the shortest route to resolution. -
This is a beautifully writen poem. I love the way you managed to keep the perfect flow through out the poem. It is beautiful...just beautiful.
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don't give up
This is a sad story. So many these days are players and only interested in putting another notch in their belts. The hearts broken number hundreds of thousands and the number keeps growing. don't give up hope you knight in shinning armor may be just around the corner. the Shaker -
Choices we make determine our life, and by breaking up you have veered on another path in your life. Learn from your mistakes and hopefully you will niot make them again. Liked your poem
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I feel the exact same way! I've gone through this SO many times and I'm sick of it! I'm sorry it's not all that fun, but once you move on life seems to get better and then karma's on your side. Great poem!
♥Kayla -
wonderful piece describing the difficult to let go of a love that hadn't been there b4
Danni -
Oh wow! Thank you so very much for the tip on my mess-up! I sometimes have to rely on you all for this when I'm havin' one of these Lupus flares! I'm so happy that you liked the work! Blessings to You Always, SparkleSatine, (P.S. Loved the Christian bg.!)
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nicely written
This poem had a nice flow and the rhyme and rythn was also very good. deception is always a good thing to write about, cuz it gives so much emotion to the write. in the 8th stanza i think you missed a word, "your" ... "i never was__ type". a simple mistake. my favorite line here.. the last two,"my minds eye still is seeing, the pair that closed on me" this is a really good way to say , i miss you i wish you missed me.
great job, raylene -
i am sorry that this happened to you. i understand the feelings though. it hurts doesn't it? and part of what hurts so much is knowing that he isn't worth and that we should move on, but first we have to find all of the pieces of our heart and try and piece them back together. great write. i especially like the last line. your minds eyes is still seeing the ones that closed on you. that is a very creative way of talking about how he shut you out. good job. keep it up.
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Wow! Thank you very much. It means a lot ot know that something given to me from up above means so much to you. You made my evening! Blessings! SparkleSatine
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Wow, believe me I can relate. It is horrible how we can let someone in and they go so deep as to cut out our heart. There is no pain like being hurt by someone you love. You will know my pain when my heart is bleeding in your had. Idk, very well done though indeed, I shall bookmark this poem.
much love,
~Chris~
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I am very sorry to hear about the break up but it does sound like you got the better of the deal. What a jerk.
John -
Forgot the applaud last time.
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Choices we make determine our life, and by breaking up you have veered on another path in your life. Learn from your mistakes and hopefully you will niot make them again. Liked your poem -
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Wonderful write. Do you realize, however, that you have featured this at 40 points per click? That's quite alot. My favourite lines were:
"For there's no sense in mourning
A love that was a lie"
Sorry about your situation though.
God bless you.
~noir ~
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if ithelps at all, i can tell you from experience, what does not kill us makes us stronger. break up of a relationship is one of those parts of life that is inevitable. we love and build a bond and then that bond is gone. we move on. when we are young our ideals are so huge, as we age, we laugh at how serious we once took ourselves. your writing will mature, just as you will...you wil write about love and truth and gentle breeze, and how your babies bring you joy...for now, your poetry will heal your soul with the balm of emotion your pour into it.
rebeka
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I can feel the way you are still bruised from the blow to your heart. This is an excellent piece that presents your emotions very well.
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It is as if you slipped into my mind and found my deepest thoughts about my ex that I deny even to myself. Wonderful job, I think that there are pieces of this work that will linger with me for awhile. Especially the part where you say:
I find that this is torture
You're love for me soon passed
Apparently no problems
Replacing me so fast
Beautiful job.
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Ooh, I can see how much of a jerk that guy was. Sad and painful as it may have been, its good to get it out like that, in writing. The peice itself was great, great form, really told the story well. Other than that, I can only agree with the person above me. There are other fish in the sea, and if your patient, your line will catch one.
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This must have been terrible but still,past is history and you should never live in the past.I know you might say that it is easily said than done but believe me,initially it may be difficult but eventually you will be able to forget him.I mean ,from what you have written it is very clear that he is not worthy of your love....why give yourself painby thinking of your past??
Your description in this poem is very clear even though its sad .Cherish what you have now instead of regretting about what you could have had....this is what I firmly believe and I always tell eveyone this.You will find a man who will lovely truely ...don't give up hope .....
nellymichelle. -
Thanks!
Thanks for pointing that out to me. I appreciate it. I've had "craneal rectosis" for the last week; I've been having a lousy Lupus flare. My head's not with it! Thanks again! SparkleSatine -
Good Job. Perfect flow. It doesnt sound like your over him, but in time you will be. Very good writing! Strong and concrete I wouldnt change a thing!
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i really like this. I now what you mean, never being perfect enough i mean, but heartbreaker poems are always sad,but don't worry, you'll be okay in the end, i know you'll never forget, i guess just forgive.
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I liked it. We all experience it at one time or another and wow does it suck when you can't get over them. You did a good job at capturing the feelings and you should be proud. I myself find it hard sometimes to put such built up emotions onto paper. So i applaud you!
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He wasn't the one for you and in your mind's eye, I know you'll realize that soon. At least you know the truth about him.
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I'm not one for the heartbreak poems, so while I didn't enjoy the subject, I did enjoy your flow and flawless rhyming. In the second to last stanza, you appear to repeat "a love," unless that was intentional. Anyway, thanks for sharing!
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All I can say is, ouch. You're obviously still smarting over this, kudos to you for getting it out on the page, I hope it helped to cleanse you, even a little, of something that you could not control. There's a reason why love has been the subject of some great writing for centuries, it's complicated. I hope someday soon you can experience the joy of love from a lover who deserves you, to add some sweet to the bitter. Good luck.
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Glad you broke up with him. He sounds like a leech. Good for you. mourn it; pick the fruit and burn the trees...that's what i say.
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