A Boy is lost is a white wood
The snow pours around him, stinging his lips, numbing his body
He shivers as the sky grows dark, the fire he lights is small and just can warm him
A women in white comes to find him
A women who's red lips are lovely, the snow twinkles in her eyes, the snow is the color of her skin
To look upon her is to see the beauty of nature reveled
The Boy sees her approach and welcomes anyone, just someone to see
The fire grows brighter as she sits across from him, she adds new life to the decaying flames
They talk for hours and the fire grows
The Snow Queen tells the boy of how shes watched him
The Boy tells of his want to meet her
The Queen tells of her life alone
The Boy of his hell sent broken heart
The Queen holds out her arms, the Boy rises and meets her
They kiss in the snow, in the flames heat
Her body melts to reveal the heart beneath, his pain numbs under her icy lips
Two have found piece in a barren land of snow where now blossoms of passion and a budding love grow
Author notes
Written December 12th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i love the imagry. i can picture her, her movements, her deception....
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It almost sound like Narnia the White Witch and Edmund. I see you have a part 2, I'll have to see what direction this goes. Paints a very cool picture.
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A P P L A U S E
A mythical, almost fairy-tale quality to your creative words; enjoyed this one very much.
~Karla. -
Shivery, cool, and all warm at the same time is your writing. Great story. I really enjoyed it. Is there suppose to be 2 is in the first line or in? Brightest Blessings!
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Very intriguing. I do enjoy the almost fairy tale atmosphere you created with this one. Loved it
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Is sounds like this was inspired by Snow Queen the movie. Was it? Anyways I liked it. Actually I enjoyed this write. Keep penning!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker who lost all aka Sacred Shadows -
Great story
Poem is VERY good. I like the story it tells, love is endearing and enduring. Always manages to pluck a heart string with somebody, and I am a sucker for it. change "A women" to "A woman" in the second stanza. Great poem!! -
I don’t completely understand this poem, but I understand the sense of longing and deathly love behind it. In the 2nd stanza, last line, I think you might have meant ‘revealed’, not reveled. And I also noticed in the 4th stanza 1st line, shes should have an ‘ between the ‘e’ and the ‘s’. In the very last stanza, I think you meant ‘peace’ not ‘piece’. Also, in the 4th stanza, I think the last line should be explained a bit more…why is his heart broken? Is that why he’s lost? Other than that, the poem was typed out very well, and was very heartfelt. Congratulations on a good poem.
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It's a little rough and the word flow could use some improvement, but the idea and image it creates are very accurate.
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it's ok
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this has a fairy-tale feel to it
it's dreamy and a magical love affair.
in the last line you need to use 'peace' not 'piece'.
other than that you've done a great job
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great job
Wow. That was great! =D I liked it alot!!!!!! * Plus I love anything to do with snow!!!! lol* -
That's so bittersweet, really. I liked it; had a very charming little story behind it, made me smile. I just hope she doesn't melt.
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Very touching and eventhough the poem portrayed coldness I felt nothing but warmth if that makes sense! Perfect x x x
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You could make a very charming story of this one. I liked the surreal quality overall, but it seemed so short. I would like to hear more!
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This is a very touching piece! the very end left me breathless and without speach. it's powerful and beautiful. keep it up...
~mandy~ -
Truly truly a beautiful piece...very magical and the imagery is great as well as the rhyme....I just dont' know what else to say...it's just....a wonderful write...magnificent...it leaves me tongue-tied--Ann
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I am just about speechless...I will say that this is beautiful...and I will keep this...a touching story..magical..but we both know how real it is...And well-told..the images..the boy is lost..stung by the cold...and the image of the fire..that grows...
I would name the parts that i like...but i love every line...
I really like the part where they talk...ah..i love it all! I will cherish this...wow...beautiful..I love it.....and am also curious as to how this tale will continue..where will it lead? Lovely..you've touched my heart and made me smile...thank you..my Warrior...
Edited on Dec 12, 9:58 p.m. because ''.
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