He doesn't send me flowers by Mari Goes at All poetry

We build a dream
upon our needs
trade love beads
to soothe our days

Bursting in flames
I catch your gaze
enchanting haze
of passion's sense

Blended feelings
pure and intense
break all defense
make us powerless

Fate became kind
now it smiles us
this life’s goodness,
to our journey

Hundreds flowers
he doesn’t give me
but tells calmly
looking my face

holding my hand
in a quiet place
about the space
his heart'll create

And once in there
we’ll celebrate
this special date
when we've found love

Author notes

The Pathya Vat

The pathya vat has four lines of four syllables each, with the second and third lines rhyming. Longer poems are made by chaining them together, with the last line of each rhyming with the second and third lines of the next.

The title was FifthDove's idea
Written December 12th, 2005

In a list

Poetry forms • next in list

A contest entry

Romance in Form by M.A.King. 500 points, ended December 13, 2005, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Yemassee
April 10

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He was an absolute jerk. I mean, an idiot of the highest magnitude. I'm not being the least bit flippant when I say that. We both know it is true.

But it won gold so he was good for something.

I see as usual, he talked utter trash below.
Yemassee
June 9, 2006
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No, I'm not a flowery kind of guy. Odd that you'd write this yet wonder why I feel odd writing poetry to you. Poetry is flowers to me. It's hard. I wish I had your ability to see beauty...to know how to convey emotions, but I don't. Everything I write is artificial...and not worthy of you.

April 5th is the day...the day you mention in your last two lines. At least that is the day we celebrate now. We'll have others...you are romantic and I'm good at numbers so we'll have them, lol.

This is my un-official #5200...I left the real 5200 on an alias of yours...you'll have to figure out which one. And don't say I only look through your poems when I have a number...this isn't one of those cases!
Mari Goes
February 21, 2006
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Thanks sweet daughter
There are many forms that aren't really hard. Sonnets are nightmares to me too, and for the same reason as yours, that stress thing drives me nuts! I can hear it easily n Portuguese, but in English I have to check out the words and that is boring
pandora ink
February 20, 2006
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I love this, Mom! It is so touching...and this seems like a form that even I could figure out! Now, Grandpa Hugh is trying to teach me to write a sonnet and I cannot because I cannot figure out the 'beat' of the words. I never know which syllable is stressed and therefore placed where. Maybe I will conquer it someday.
Elisa
macandrew
January 12, 2006
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Blended feelings
pure and intense
break all defense(s)
make us powerless

Beautifully done. An excellent poem full of the important bits of love.

John
Just4u
January 2, 2006
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I like this...might have to try this form myself...someday...

Hugs...Eddy

Tech side....

"now it smiles us"

if you drop the "it" and add "at" behind smiles it will
maintain the count and strength it a bit I believe like thus

"now smiles at us"
Wildequill
December 24, 2005
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Well... he seems to have sweetened your words, oiled the flow - cleared the way for your soul to grow..
Touching verse Mari.. can see that you are beaming from ear to ear..
Rj
December 19, 2005
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Merry Christmas Mari,

He could tell you and also send flowere.. FTD delivers flowers worldwide! But flowers fade way faster than love anyway so maybe of little matter.. still flowers are nice.

Still the message is upbeat and optimistic and your still always a pleasure to read.

~RJ~
leander
December 19, 2005
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I have no idea how I could have missed this one, but it definately smells as a new form that I might try out when my muse descides to stop playing hide and seek
It's truly a beautiful poem, with these lovely feelings expressed within the words
to the most beautiful mommer in the world!
lil-miss-tash
December 19, 2005
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hey omg this is a really good poem and i loved the read it flows so well we built a dream apon our needs sounds quite good when weve found love sounds really good and happy moment1 merry christmas happy new yr happy holidays tash
jaunty pill
December 18, 2005
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Don't feel bad. I'm nearly twenty-three and my memory already craps out now, I'd hate to see what I can remember when I'm thirty-five or forty. I'll have to write my name on my hand.
Mari Goes
December 18, 2005
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Thanks James, and I'm sorry for the half commnet
It's hard to age and feel the memory crapping on you (on me lol )
This is a form which leaves very little space to work on. Don't think I'll be using it any time soon
jaunty pill
December 18, 2005
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Lovely use of the form.

I jostled with it quite awhile ago..Found it to be sort of constraining to my poetic ability. But you have done a pretty cool job here. Obviously to critique this would be a waste of time. I do think there are places here and there that could easily be touched up. But I'm afraid there might not be another syllable to use in its place. Words are strage like that. I can see it being edited some. I just can't quite put my foot down on what comes off strange to me. I feel like something is wrong ( Now I'm repeating myself ) And it bothers me that I cannot pin-point exactly where. So , I'll leave it at it needs some work. That sums it up nicely I think.

Hope you are doing alright dear and happy holidays to you and yours ,
James

Hey! I only have half a comment on my poem " blur " from you.... You never came back my lovely. I would have cobwebs all over me if I had waited all this time...LOL.

Edited on Dec 18, 4:53 because ''.
Sir Ima Cucumber
December 15, 2005
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Dear Mariza:

Yemassee informs me that by Sunday night he may be at 4300. Please make something available for comment. Thank you,

Sir Ima Cucumber, Esquire
Eeyores Buddy
December 15, 2005
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Congratulations on the gold my dear, It was truly well deserved
I never knew there was a form called The Pathya Vat, guess you learn something new everyday. Enjoyed the read
Vickie J
December 14, 2005
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The pathya vat is a lovely form and I would think only a skilled poet could master it as you have. No surprise this won the gold. ~vj
Almighty Aphrodite
December 14, 2005
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I adore this, Mari! It has been a while since I've come to visit any of your poems, but I guess with my drag of a love life, I haven't been much inspired to read or write in this arena lately. Honestly, love makes me depressed as crap, but I'll deal with it or die trying!

I adore the pathya vat, which I've only done once during that contest Monte and his accomplice, Dez (NoIQ & secberm) had to introduce everybody to it. I haven't picked it up since, but you bring the lustrous beauty to this form that, for me, lacks in other forms. Hell, I couldn't tell until the end what form this was and that is the beauty of the whole thing--if I don't write it but can pick up what it is immediately, the writer's trying too hard.

I am glad that this piece was awarded--congratulations on your top honors!

Merry Christmas!

Many blessings,

Raven Aurora
fathom me
December 14, 2005
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Hey Mari
Beautiful beautiful poem.. and this form seems a lot of fun too! A great Love poem
Congratulations for your gold
Yemassee
December 13, 2005
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Coehlo bet Yemsie be the mad. You and Yemsie now the tie for trophies. Coehlo get warm and fuzzy when read MargoGoes poem, makes him want to go hug and kiss Bonniee and maybe do her dishes. Bonniee like when Coehlo do house work. Things Coehlo do for love.
macandrew
December 13, 2005
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An interesting form. It took a bit for the rythm to really sink in.

well written.
John
MargaretG
December 13, 2005
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Congratulations on the gold!
astralshepherd
December 13, 2005
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i would try to change the font, as it is very, very difficult for these old eyes to read. an interesting form. blessings and best wishes, richard
Keith
December 13, 2005
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I've heard of Vat69, but not Pathya Vat. Never mind, I'll get my calculator out to count syllables. Only joking, hen. An interesting and well thought out form, precisely crafted and well worthy of the gold. Well done. Now it's back to the Vat69....
MagicLady
December 13, 2005
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I never heard of this form, it is quite unique. I like your what you had to say. I wish i had these things in my life now.
When you used to have it all, and now have none of it, it makes things very difficult.

This style of font is very difficult to read.

Cheryl
FifthDove
December 13, 2005
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Love is much better to receive than flowers any day. Although a bouquet now and then is great, it is the heart that truly lasts forever in our spiritual vase. When two people are in love the world seems to be worth all the troubles it brings our way. This poem reflects such a love from you my beautiful friend. I wish you both the most happiness this worlds can offer you. This is a beautiful poem
Cindy
Mari Goes
December 13, 2005
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Thanks LS! I share the same feeling, I wouldn't mind a box of chocolates though
Lyrical Soul
December 13, 2005
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I have never been hung up on flowers myself either. I think when the one who loves you can look in your eyes and smile and cause your heart to thump harder, that is enough right there. Flowers die and are much prettier growing wild anyway Well done!

~Lyrical
M.A.King
December 13, 2005
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You've hit on the truest of meanings of romance! What is in the eyes, the touch, the aura...that is real romance and that is what I was looking for in this contest. Something deeper than the movements in life. A spiritual connection that surpasses the material. You have described this gracefully. The form is new to me and I find it very appealing. Thank you for your wonderful entry.
klassy lassy
December 12, 2005
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His blossom ~
to which no flower
but a rose compares
has found the ground
where love grows ~
and MariGoes.
Edited on Dec 12, 10:32 p.m. because ''.
Blushfulmoon
December 12, 2005
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excellent~
I have never heard of this form poetry before.......but I would take that meaningful look plus the flowers too
This is beautiful sweetie and very romantic...best of luck in the contest
Hugs n love
Susan~~~
MargaretG
December 12, 2005
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How could I have forgotten the pathya vat! It's only been a year.
Mari Goes
December 12, 2005
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I forgot to add the info, came back to do that and ended by editing it a bit too
MargaretG
December 12, 2005
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I'd rather have that meaningful look than dozens of roses.
This is an interesting form, I don't recognize it, so perhaps an author's note will help. The rhyming couplets and short lines seem simple, but I know it's not easy.
Sir Ima Cucumber
December 12, 2005
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I'll give you flowers too! Just they won't be a disguise for what I really don't feel. You have indeed described something that I'm guessing, others won't understand since it is our own search and needs that you describe. As usual, you've pinned down the essence of what makes us work.

This is about me right??? lol.