Sad that it was, my inebriated over-indulged state found my bladder full. Like the Scarecrow dancing down the yellow brick road I made my way to the john, and passed through the doors as happily as Dorothy entering the Emerald City. Funny, there are no stand-up pee’ers. I feel slightly out of place, a strangeness, like a possessed talking apple-throwing tree on a Kansas pig farm. I wonder why there is a women’s necessity vending machine on the wall. “That’s as weird as a horse of a different color”, I muse. I feel as disoriented as Dorothy reviving after her bump on the head, and I think to myself, “I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore!” My happy mind quickly switches to the tune of ‘Merry Old Land of Oz’ and I pluck up some Cowardly Lion courage and push a stall door open… hmmm… strange oder… where have I encountered that before… my wife, I’m thinking… that Wicked Witch of the West… oh what I’d give for a Good Witch Glinda of the North right now!
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Even as I fumble with my trousers, which fit worse than a Lollipop Guild uniform on a fat Munchkin, for this was also a sit-down job… I hear another party enter, shuffling along like some Emerald City layabouts. I belch and fart quite loudly, and satisfactorily, I I might add, and proceed to take care of the Wizard’s business, so to speak. I’m humming as happy as the Scarecrow standing next to a bucket of water when I hear slight gasps outside the stall. Since my mind was somewhere over the rainbow, I paid them little attention. As I was done and stood up, the automatic flusher didn’t work. I sat down and got up several times to no avail, and felt as useless as Toto in the poppy fields. I find the button and push. Flush! Oh, what a great Wizard I am! Give me a medal! I push the stall door open and it is like Dorothy opening the door of her house to the Land of Oz. There before me were, like a city of munchkins, troops of girl scouts standing like threatening Winkies with their mouths agape. In the stunning silence a Dorothy Cabbage Patch doll hit the floor.
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Xenophobia had never picked a worse moment to attack. All flying-monkey hell broke loose. The evil little munchkins from the Lullaby League pointed and screamed, “Ewe! Man! Man! There’s a man in here! Ahhhhh!” I felt like the Wicked Witch melting, melting… Well, you know, in an instant, with three clicks of my heels I was outta’ there fast, and on my way back to Kansas, bub! All I remember after that was my mind whirring and dancing like the Scarecrow singing “If I Only Had a Brain”…
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Good luck in the contest!!!!
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