That's right,
I kilt the bitch ~
sat my house right DOWN
on her sorry, no~good ass!
Now,
give me those red shoes,
willya???
I've got places to go,
people to see!
Hey, Strawboy,
let's haul it along ~
I ain't got time
to be strollin' here, ya know...
I don't know how the Hell
I wound up here,
but I ain't stayin' long...
I gotta go see The Man
& find some way
to fly myself back home...
You short people
got NO reason
to live...
~ December 12, 2005
3:00 p.m.
Author notes
Picture courtesy of Melpomene
Randy Newman's infamous song: "Short People Got No Reason to Live"
roflmao I know, I'm warped...but I figured,
if I'm gonna go down, might as well go down in flames...
& yeah, I AM laughin' my ass off...This is a double~header...I did another one for the same contest...Let the buyer beware...
'Oz'
www.allpoetry.com/poem/1691251
Written December 12th, 2005
In a list
- Strange, Odd & Downright Weird: Macrame'd Humor • next in list
- Inspired by Famous People • next in list
A contest entry
- Anything Funny! by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
650 points, ended June 27, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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ROFLMAO
Thanks soooo much for placing this link on Jin's current contest
Damn, this is not only Hilarious but very brilliant as well
Thanks for giving me many
tonight
David
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Randy Newman stole the show. I bought the 70th anniversary collector's edition, and the girls are watching Dorothy sing "Over the Rainbow" as we speak....personally I always thought Dorothy was a goody two shoes...lol
but I will always always always love the witch
love,
jin
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that was... funneh!
Great work ^^ I found is stupid... in a good way you know? eh... yeah...
Whoot! -
I LOVED this! it was hilarious! just...WOW! i couldn't stop laughing as I read this. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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That was hilarious! And your other one on Oz was very on target. Good reads!
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a unique take on the wizard of oz lol i thank you kindly for entering your poetic piece and good luck to you in this contest - spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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So thanks for the smile and some Kansas backlash...It is quite fabulous "Scribe of Red Shoe envy"...
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GF, you have more style than anyone I know....and, I have owned and stolen a few ruby red slippers myself...and a whole lot of Kansas poems. Loved that song....we would change short to anything that fit...we woudl link arms and take up the whole sidewalk and sing our version at the top of our lungs. The tourists thought they had come to Kansas for sure.
I remember doing a study of The wizard of Oz from a psychological stand point...ruined the whole show for me from then on, until The Wiz...then I loved it all over again...
Dangit, alms for the poor...I have got to get a new keyboard...this one sucks..literally...it has popcorn and coffee, and food, and tears and everything down int here...someone said to give it a shower...but that won't bring the lettering back, I am sure...could you speak to the Wiz and ask for me....on you flight?
I wonder if the man is short....ya think?
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I remember that song from the "Muppet Show". Thank you for your entry
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I'm a former librarian...My posting of this piece caused tongues to wag, jaws to drop & a few tachycardias, to boot...
It was not what they'd come to expect from one they've (prematurely & inaccurately) deemed to be Pollyanna's cousin...but then, I never have done what was expected of me...I am a Poet, after all... Thanks for hosting... Wanda
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The piece's good but I felt the vernacular could have been wound a little tighter for its time. I liked the "bogie" piece better though this does have some pinache to it.
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Thank you, unfallen angels...I'm glad you enjoyed it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Very much attitude mixed with humor = wonderful. =D Good luck! =)
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Me, too...
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This was another bright romp from you! LMAO. You are funny, much more so than I thought!
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Thanks for reading, glassangel...I'm glad you enjoyed it...Be well, Poet...
Wanda
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you just made me fear Dorothy...those ruby slippers could do some damage. I love the picture at the top by the way.
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Swanee...or is it, Swanee's evil twin??? 
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This made me smile! Way to go, Wanda! Just when we thought we had you pegged, you come out with something totally unexpected!
Cheers!
♥ Maureen
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Thanks, Simon...people are startin' to wonder 'bout me, I think...
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It was, Jo...
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Thanks, Jess...
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Ohhh, talk about a lousy first impression... Ummm...pardon me...I was in a bizarre mood when I wrote this one...it's about 'The Wizard of Oz', for a contest...Actually, I did another one that was much nicer...Give me another chance, please??? I'm really not like this one...Thanks for reading, anyway...Here's the link for the nice one... Be well, Poet... Wanda
www.allpoetry.com/poem/1691251 -
Cutting edge
Wow, with that attitude - who's to stop you
This is very different and yet great - almost like a commentary from the director's cut version Such a different perspective but I love this one too. WEll done Wanda
Simon
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I'm sorry but I don't know these people. Nice writing though, I guess.
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gee Wanda, glad I came around to read this poem AFTER your own contest...What would Emily ever think??? LOL fun to read and feels like it was ultra-fun to write too!
Jo -
This is great Wanda! It made me smile to read this. It's was quite humorous. Lovely read. heh heh.
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Thanks for reading, CountryCousin...glad ya liked it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Thanks for reading, Tyler... I'm glad ya liked it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Thanks for reading, LostNSideMe...glad ya liked it...I'm originally from Kansas, too... Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Thanks for reading, TheDrip...glad ya liked it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Thanks, Mike...glad you enjoyed my lil' foray into the bizarre... This isn't my usual style... Thanks for comin' by...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Fabulous. Quite a laugh. Perhaps the transition to the last stanza could have been a bit smoother and more clear, though...
Mike -
Dammmnnn...did ya get both of those applauds, Muddy??? The webserver went nutty... Thank ya, Sweetness...I couldn't wait for ya to read this one...roflmao I love ya, Muddy...yeah, a knife & a ballbat, & you're still here, my Friend...Thank God...sighhh... 
♥ Wanderer
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my ex was barely 5' and I'm 6'2" and she kicked my ass...but she did have a 12" butcher knife and a Louisville Slugger....but that's a whole nuther Kansas...lol
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LMAO...this is precious..laffin..oh my how the ending was oh so fitting...great write
Peace Muddy -
feels faints... You've...never...see it??? OMG. You're my literary daughterly unit thingy & you've never seen the quintessential story of my Life??? roflmao Ya know how guys say 'The Godfather' answers all of Life's questions??? So does 'The Wizard of Oz'...it even has a horse of many colors...that changes colors...you'd love it...Ohhh, Kels...you lead a sheltered & deprived life, my child...you gotta watch it sometime...promise your mommy??? I think you'd get a real hoot outta it... Swans
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I wouldn't know--I've never seen the movie. Wait, I take that back, I've seen part of it... in Spanish. hehe...
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Ya think??? I figure she had it comin' to her, with all that bad attitude showin'... Thanks, Kels...hehehe Swans
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Wow, Swanee... a lil harsh, don'tcha think? hehehehe... But I like it! Lovely emotion... "The Man" hehe, I like that. I always knew you were a little twisted... but then, you are my mommy!!! good luck Swans!!!
~Kelsey -
Sighhh... Poor Poet...I'se sorry, Rainbow Girl... Wanderer
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They may have "kicked ol' dorothy's butt" but it doesn't stop me from being teased, now does it?
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Yes, I loved the poem, Miss Wanderer. I'm just being difficult.
My mum would always follow me around from room to room when I was little, singing Short people have no reason to live... etc etc. I'd sit on the floor and start crying. I don't fancy that song much really. x.x
But hey, I told you I loved it. Doesn't mean much though, I love all your poems.
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'sides...whatcha worryin' 'bout??? They kicked ol' Dorothy's butt...
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Geez. My birthmum's 4'10" and my birthdad's 6'-something. You'd think I'd at least get some of his jeans, right? Uhh...yeah...I know...genes. I look just like my birthmum, but with my birthdad's hair. Grr you genetics and stuffs.
Hey wanna lend me an inch or two?
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Hey, I sent it to the 2 shortest people I know & they thought it was hilarious... Wanderer
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Pfft. Some joke.
.......
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Why, Rae...that's one of the sweetest comments I ever got... Thanks, Lady... Wanda
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Not your typical Oz.
Well I can just see this one now and well it sure as heck made for an interesting read right now. I was wondering what would light up the page on a cold night. -
lol that was funny!
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Never mind, Rainbow Girl...just warped humor...'s ok...nothin' to do with short people, really... Wanderer
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But...but..but...
Where's the joke?? I don't see it.
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Oz Gone Ghetto the title really had me intrigued....good thing i clicked on it too
Anyway this has to be the funniest shit ive ever read without having to spit out my gin(yep im doing a repeat performance of last night) but anywho youve got a knack at making things out of sorts lol
Rae -
A+
LOL, I love this! It is an awesome summarization of what Dorothy was probably thinking. I am from Kansas and I am sick of the WIzard of Oz being the only way we are known. Loved it! -
Dig it
This is cute.
I imagined Dorothy saying all these things
with her gangsta-gangsta gear on, instead of that dress.
Good stuff
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Awww, Rainbow Girl...read the comments...everyone is a 'short people'... It's just a joke, Kates... Wanderer
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Okayyy, then...
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Hey now, Wanda, I'm a "short people"
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scart
i liek yore poet very good. you know where to is meldumar, of scorn's belt? hail sendhar, queen of the angry! -
Poor kid... I'm 5'7 1/2"; Don was 6'2"...we wore the same pant length...it drove him nuts... Thanks, Karen...I was feelin' kinda spunky today, I guess... Wanda
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heheheh! music to get rid of us short uns, huh? Well, I'm am short, fat, and sassy. My daughter, who is only 5' tall, came home from high school one day, ticked OFF. Some guy had rested his elbow on her head in the hall way. "Mom!!! you could have at least married a guy with legs!" she said................ If looks could kill.... LOL This is great, Wanda. I had to double check to see if it really was you writing this!
Edited on Dec 12, 6:23 p.m. because ''. -
Thanks for reading, feathered-spiders...I'm glad you liked it...Actually, I do have another one in the same contest, called 'Oz'...I put all four of 'em in that one...But the contest requirements stated not to use all of the characters...so I did this one as an alternative write...ain't it, though...roflmao Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Thanks for reading, R Big Tribe...I'm glad you liked it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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I dunno...maybe you think too much??? Hey, don't ask me...I just hold onto the pen...for dear Life... I'm glad ya liked it, TheThinker...thanks for comin' by...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Hey, great! I loved it, a whole lot of attitude and a great voice, but you forgot the lion and the tin man, oh, how much fun you could have had with them...well done btw
Avian xx -
Thanks for reading, kaytie...I'm glad you liked it...It's not my usual style, either... Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Ohhh...Nancy Sinatra...hmmm...I think I could do somethin' with that... Thanks, rafika...I'm glad you liked it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Hillarious! Excellent write! I love your "warped" sense of humor.
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Thanks, doc...so what's your diagnosis, eh??? Wanda
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Great read
OMg I loved this... very funny.. writing is spot on. Well done.. why cant i get it just like that !!!!!!!! -
You're welcome, autumngreeneyes...thanks for reading...I'm glad you liked it...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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Two thumbs up
Now, you downright know that that is absolutely hilarious! I guess those boots were made for walking... -
Wanda,
This was a funny piece and very different from what I am used to from you. I liked it a lot. I'm still laughing!
~Doc -
I'm singing Short People right now..I always loved that song. As for the shoes... nah; too flashy, but they got the job done. this poem was outstanding; I needed humor and you gave it to me. thanks!
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Nooo...this is Wanda's evil twin... Muahahaha!!! Thank ye, Moon Girl... Wanda
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Hello is this Wanda lol. You are freaking me out Very funny and good luck in the contest Helen
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hehehe My pleasure, Lady...
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ROTFL! You're right this one does have me in tears, Wanda! Oooh, this is fabulous. Thanks for letting me know that you had another one out there.
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Ooops... Heyyy, I figured ya needed a bit of a break, to wake ya back up again... Thanks, Sweetie...Have a good time with that...
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Well this is quite an interesting piece I'm not really used to see from you Wanda but it was a bad idea to send the link while I'm still judging my contest lmao I've never had such a successful one before... 15 shortlisted this far, and I'm not done yet... I'm so in awe right now... and yours was simply that I somewhat was going off to that one in mind again
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Thanks for readin'...best watch us short ones, though...we'll stand on each other's shoulders or sumptin'... Wanda
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Somehow, I knew you'd appreciate this one, Karen...roflmao Wander
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Ha this is a funny one- a definate winner. Keep it up hehe- Now I'm 6' flat so I'll sing that song to you all 'cept your brother- the gloves are off pal well this is a good write keep it up
P.S. Would sing the song if I knew it
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Girl, you've got me peein' my pants Ol' Dorothy is a mean little bitch Whoops ... need some depends
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Thanks, Lynne...roflmao Wanda
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Bite me...roflmao
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amazing
Some sassy broad...lol Think I prefer this version to the original Rock on....rofl.
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Glad I could ease ya for a moment then, my Friend... Wanda
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Wellll, ya see, it's like this... I entered a 'straight' write called 'Oz', then second~guessed myself...thus, this monstrous creation... I have both entered now...I just saw it again last night & I'm originally from Kansas, sooo... Sorry 'bout the swearin', Jackie...I don't usually...
Wanda
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WANDA! where is you politial correctness?!!! Oh! Oh! Oh! Such a psycho here! Maybe even a Sweet Psycho! lol
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ha ha ha ha, good one wanda, i like this alot, made me laugh, i really needed it, been really stressed out lately. so much happening and so little time to get it done in..grrr
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Ow this was so funny .. I love the wizard of oz so made a bee line to read this ...Well done .I hate swearing but this just fits in wonderfully
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hehehe...I know ya do, Iloves ya too You're too funny.
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Only in stature, Robinesque...in Spirit, you be a 6~footer... All of my Friends have always been shorter than me...one was 5', another was 4'10"...Like I told Danna, I'm 5'71/2" ~ I'll protect ya, Sweetie...then again, I always tell people, 'dynamite comes in small packages, ya know'... Awww, don't cry, Robin...I loves ya...
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Hey wait Wanda...I'm a short person
5 foot 2
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grins, tosses posies atcha & runs off giggling
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Either that, or they'd hire us as standup comediennes...roflmao I'm glad ya liked my macrame'd humor, Danna...I'm 5'7 1/2" ~ I'll protect ya...I'm the meanest librarian in the West... Thanks, Lady...I had a blast writin' this one... Wanda
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LOL, I am laughing mine off right with ya Wanda OMG! This is too freaking funny! I love it. I saw this in my faves and it had been posted for about 46 seconds...I have been sitting here for a few minutes to give you time to finish LOL anxiously waiting so I could come see. I love it. This is a winner...a winner somewhere...if only in MY book, it's a damn winner for sure!!! LOL.
~Lyrical
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