*That girl, over there,
with the dark brown hair,
is she smiling, can you see?
Is she looking at me?
Am I staring, can she tell?
Has she noticed? I'm in hell,
I want to speak, i'm too shy,
will she walk right on by?
I've taken too long,
too late, now she's gone,
as she walks out the door,
will I see her once more?
That girl, over there,
with the dark brown hair.*
Author notes
Bryant L.
Written December 12th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Secret Love by .
350 points, ended March 3, 2006, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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beautiful
You have so much talent in making the reader visualize and completely understand what the narrator is trying to say.
I like the flavor of your works. *licks them* Well, not that one, a little too spicy. I'm adding you to my favorites.
Edited on Feb 17, 6:11 because 'mispelled your, I'm a grammar nazi!'. -
wow....shameful kinda that we all know this has happened to us...sometimes you cant help but think how great it MIGHT have been...but oh well...this was a wonderful write I mostly enjoyed it because I dont read much..uum..."conversational"(as Pozo put it).."stuff"..like this..great write..and keep on penning my friend
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I can relate too, but with guys most of the time. It's a typical story, many people are just too shy too do anything, and its too late. Very well written, good job
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I could relate, good write
Great use of questions This was such a typical poem of a crush Keep writing, I loved the conversational tone here Great use of rhyme and alliteration Very descriptive
All the best
Pozo
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