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Hawk (haiku)

Missing image


snowy hawk

against winter sky

~ a still mouse ~



Author notes

haiku
Written December 12th, 2005

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • mother goose
    June 10, 2006
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    thimply thuperb!

    hehe great great great!!!! i LOVE it! really beautiful. the last line is just soo perfect. really gives a strong atmosphere, good ol' almighty hawk.

  • ea silver member
    May 12, 2006
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    that's very good. I'm surprised I didn't comment on this before. Thanks for your comment on "Hawk" too, I am too disorganized to carry a birding book but I have always been into then and my dad knows a lot about them; they were just always a part of the things, growing up in northern NY state. I love the magpies I see over here in Germany. They are my favorite "new" bird. I have to write something sometime on those. tree


  • leander Moderators member
    February 6, 2006
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    A very lovely image (a bit scary and haunting in fact - especially for the little mouste ) but I like what you've written here very much


  • J Rhys Davies
    January 4, 2006
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    Heck, if I were that mouse, I’d be still too! This was really an awesome piece Cheryl. I am a big fan of Haiku that is well done, and this was most definitely rating in that category. I love ya and miss talking to you hon!! Yeah, I know, my phone calls out too.

    ~ John


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 2, 2006
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    Always think of the typical haiku, 5,7,5 syllables, and find this one so different. Will have to try my hand at this kind too. Will check out some of your others as well. Love this form of poetry.


  • Emerald13
    December 17, 2005
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    oh this is a very well done haiku Cheryl ... very nice ... a small suggestion ? snowy hawk already sets up a winter sky .... if you 'coloured' the sky you get mileage for winter. against dark sky/ against large cloud etc ... lovely piece >>> GINA


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    December 13, 2005
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    I could almost feel the fear in this little mouse as the hawk with those huge talons was swooping down on him. A wonderful haiku Cheryl.

    ~Lyrical
    Edited on Dec 13, 9:11 because ''.


  • MagicLady silver member
    December 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I agree, Mariza~~thanks for the tip.
    Cheryl


  • Long Road Home
    December 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You have displayed razor-sharp talont here... I'd hang around the nest and regurgitate a little more, but, gotta fly...



  • Mari Goes gold member
    December 13, 2005
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    Hawk will get his meal
    Not only with tankas, but you are doing great with haiku too!
    I wonder if the use of an article as a on L3 would make it read little bit better. In some cases an article adds something extra, I prefer to use a than the
    Nicely done Cheryl, great visual as always!


  • MargaretG
    December 12, 2005
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    The third line is a wonderful play on words, the fate of the mouse seems ambiguous to me. Great image, Cheryl.


  • astralshepherd gold member
    December 12, 2005
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    Ominous


  • Wandika gold member
    December 12, 2005
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    Very nice Cheryl. I know you want the hawk to be happy and the mouse to live. You are also glad you don't have to choose.

    Jim


  • Vickie J
    December 12, 2005
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    Will the still mouse be a dead mouse soon? lol Easy so see him soaring, coming closer and honing in on his prey. The food chain in action. Nice, Cheryl! vj

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