Empty yet so Beautiful,
She rests with worries and fear.
Bloody hands from her Bleeding heart,
That he ripped and tore apart.
Roses turned to ashes of grey,
With her touch of her palm.
A failure to death and a hopeless heartache,
A pretty porcelain face ready to break.
Shatter to Pain,
Her soul Without an word.
Torment and misery upon her pale skin,
When she tries to run; It happens again.
As a looming stare,
Staggers across her chest.
Aloft the veil of her incense,
She devised a plan for defense.
Capture the shadow on the wall,
Induce the knife; Into flesh.
Her heart deepened with anticipation,
Yet despised by her own creation..
Author notes
Written December 11th, 2005
A contest entry
- My Heart's Fading Away by kilimonian.
422 points, ended December 15, 2005, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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woot woot! little sister you wrote a poem....lol it was good too....lol..well anyways i liked the ending...it kicked my butt...lol...well later gator
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Nice!
wow, i loved the rhyming! It didn't sound at all like you had to work to find the words and flowed wonderfully, nice job! -
very good
good poem. it shows the imagry. you can imagine what that looks like. wonderfull use of words. the emotion also gets across well which is somthing that i admire very much. touching in every sense. i love the last stanza. that part was great. chasing shadows on the wall. i can relate! thanks so much for sharing and best wishes in the contest!
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very deep
i really like this poem, the reason i read it was because any poem that has the word 'corset' in the title is worth reading. deep poem, i can feel how intense and sad this poem is, and good luck in the contest.
best of wishes
~hells darkest angel~ -
This is a most intense write that hit me in a most intense way. A very sad one for me, actually, as one of my very dear friends actually took her own life in a most similar manner in front of a mirror, but she shot her heart out with a rifle. I wrote of it in "My Promise to Pat". It will haunt me until the day I die and it happened in 1981.
The imagery you have created in this poem has a most haunting and lonely feel. Nice vocabulary choices; beautiful poetic flow. A most eloquent write
Many blessings and
s
~ Becky ~
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a wonderful job
this one struck a chord. no tears, but still hit deep. hmm... the word "yet" in the last line doesn't seem to fit but I can't think of a substitute. its not a big deal. it didn't distract me until I read it again.
The poem itself flowed wonderfully. I could draw emotion not from the poem, but from myself. which is a really nice quality to it. The words are thought out and have deep significance to them, which is just lovely. This poem is kinda like a dark, sad dance to me (yes, I make strange comments).
oh and I noticed it was recent, trust me, that matters. Good luck in the contest.
Edited on Dec 11, 11:15 because ''.
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