Like the devil
You lured me away from the gates of heaven
And blurred my vision to all that was rational
I could only behold your luscious body.
Feasting on your honey juices
And the sharpness of your dominance
We laughed at our ignorant partners
And ridiculed their wretched monogamy
Lust is indeed a sin
And you are my heroin
You won’t leave your husband for me
And my sweetheart left me in the cold
I’m shivering for a shot
But you never promised me more than lust
My heart did not belong to you
Yet you managed to rip it to shreds
But who needs a heart
When sexual desire has no limits
Author notes
Not really sure where this one came from. It is not personal. It's about someone who cheats and gets hurt and this whole love affair ends with her never wanting to fall in love again. Because pure lust has no boundaries nor ties.
Hope you like it. Critiques welcome
Written November 8th, 2005
A contest entry
- seven deadly sins by xBluexEyedxGirlx.
600 points, ended August 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A poetic retelling of an unfortunate seduction by cookie-monster.
400 points, ended September 14, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Once again, you shock me into silence. The lines: "Lust is indeed a sin / And you are my heroin" are incredible and true, if you are lucky enough. Brava, my friend!
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Bravo!
This piece is at once dark, harsh and also touching. A very intesting and finely done poem! Bravo! -
Nah, I dont think it needs correcting. It's the way you made it, and that's the way it should be right? right lol.
"Lust is indeed a sin
And you are my heroin"
That's my favorite line. It speaks volumes to me. Well done -
very well written ( hard for me to edit poems that are better than mine but i'll try
)
i like the line "I’m shivering for a shot" but it kind of stands out- you could probably have some sort of reference to line 5- it would be an interesting connection.
~Clare
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He there, thanks for the comment. I changed the line like you suggested it does sound better like that.
Love D.L. -
Hmmm...
An interesting read and the kind of stuff that makes me ralise what I have missed being offline for 3 months or so...
Anways couple of comments should the juices be 'honeyed' rather than honey? Also personally I don't think that the couplet "Lust is indeed a sin/And you are my heroin queen" Needs the Queen at the end of it and for once I am tempted to say go with the rhyme. Also playing with the couplet for me resulted in
Lust indeed it is a sin,
But girl, you are my heroin.
Anyways there are a couple of initial responses for you.
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