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The Wall



Rigid rocks atop of stone,
Cold to touch and laced with bone.
Founded by a furnace,
Fired with ferocity
Fuelled with faceless sin,
Built from bricks of mortis,
Death resides within.
Rigid rocks atop of stone,
Cold to touch and laced with bone.
The structure sweeps,
Through silent mists,
High above the stratosphere,
Towering tremendously,
An outline traced,
With torrents of terror,
That paint and taint the atmosphere.
Rigid rocks atop of stone,
Cold to touch and laced with bone.
Created by The Child,
Composed from corpses gone,
Conjured from the dusk, 
Shutting off the dawn.
The Wall obstructs, occludes,
Deflects all those whom seek,
Answers for The Child,
A rampart for the meek.
Rigid rocks atop of stone,
Cold to touch and laced with bone.
An ingress may be found,
The Child has made a key,
The Page within The Wall,
Is the way to set him free.
Fortresses are produced,
From pasts filled with sorrow,
Walls are broken down,
With the dreams of today, tomorrow.
Rigid rocks atop of stone,
Cold to touch and laced with bone.

Author notes

Number 4 in my Child In A Box series.
Please read The Box, The Beach and The Field.
Written December 10th, 2005

In a list

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • oOHannahListerOo
    May 12

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    mhmm..

    the depth in this poem is indescribable. I love the rhythm and pace with held through out the entire poem. i love your choice of words also ... there all so formal and proper. If you get me hehe . when reading it i can actual picture the wall ... and feel it's cold stone .
    Perfect nontheless.
    Keep it up
    Nah
    x


  • Iohagh
    July 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Darling Danasbo

    Your words link up
    build piles, dark corupt
    spilling over onto me
    blocking whatever I see.

    Yet your verbal zeal
    I seek to feel
    what makes you blue
    gothic, this I knew.

    Smoosh

    Janet


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Again ignoring what anyone else has said....

    This one is a little more cryptic than others in the series, but that is no problem. That allows the emotion expressed to come over more subtly. The repetition almost gives the poem the feel of a villanelle; at the very least it lends a throb, or an echo to it.

    Very good.


  • January 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo

    WOW!,

    This is very very good (seriouly) Very deep and complex, had alot depth and meaninf and really reached and grabbed the reader. I love the rhythm and the over all flow of this poem as well. The imagery is also excellent very deep and vivid and easy to see in the minds eye. Very excellent work!

    Much love

    s/zero


  • NaughtyKitten69
    December 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ohh i absolutly love this poem!!!it touches my soul and feeds my spirit dont stop writing as u seee i need it sory but it rymed and im kinda hyper

  • verses on flesh
    December 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I think that conceptually this poem was a great idea. I think the meaning behind it, if I am not reading too deeply into it is very profound and a great idea for this manner of metaphor. But I feel like the poem as a whole was very choppy, and that piece of it were just filler more or less without meaning, they just seemed to suit and thus were pushed into it. Nonetheless it is a great effort and a good work. thank you for sharing it.

  • PhoenixSer
    December 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is awesome muffin. It's so dark and eerie. The repition of those two lines makes me think of a quiet chant in the background. Creepy almost. lol. The whole series is an amazing write. There's always something that ties them al together, but each developes the story a bit further, adding a new dimension. But you probably already knew that Anyway, beautifully done.


    ~Sarah~


  • EmeraldNymph
    December 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    good job


  • DanASBO
    December 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I have used quite a few synonyms in this piece, I was trying to build up the image of "The Wall! in the readers mind. Thank you for reading.

    Dan

  • ecrivain01
    December 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad, but I was surprised at the juxtaposition of rocks and stone since I didn't think there was any difference. Anyway, not bad, all in all.


  • Thoughtful Seeker
    December 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    great work

    okay,i love the fact that certain verses are repeated,it makes the poem all the more better.also,i love how creative the use of words is. i don't just see typical everyday words used,i see creativity in that. i loved this piece. it was the cherry on the sudae,anotherwards,a great topper to the series. bravo,you really have shown how utterly talented you are. there is alot of honesty and beauty in this series. i really enjoyed it. keep up the great work,we could a ll learn a thing or two from a writer like you!!! dani

  • DanASBO
    December 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for reading and commenting I post them as soon as they're written so you can actually see my thought process.

    an


  • The MisSin Truth
    December 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    very nice. i knew this had to be part of the collection. each poem in this collection has a different form/style. i really feel these that you are putting down. are you entering them as they are written or have you written them previously and are now entering them one by one? either way these are very deep and vivid, i really enjoy reading them. i can't choose a particular piece to say i like the most cause they are all part of the same chain, each echoes of the other.
    blessed


  • JennFeelsLost
    December 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ok, this was was totally awesome!! It shows you are coming full circle with your emotions and the way to handle things. You have captured it beautifully by your descriptive words. I think this perhaps is my fav in the series so far. Keep them coming, hun! You're onto something grand! --Jenn ♥


  • SapphireStars
    December 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Getting really drowsy~ ( _)zzzz pop! huh? oh! woops! This is a very deep poem. Like Bella said, it's really compelling From what I can say, the imagery and emotions that you invoke are great with the dark sadness and yet some innocence with a child there Keep on writing!
    ~Ibar~

    P.S. falls back to sleep ( _)zzz


  • Jaded Lily gold member
    December 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a gripping and compelling piece, if not for this constant orange blinking light on my screen, I may have actually been able to concentrate better...so I plan to come back when all of UK is sleeping or perhaps in the loo and read this masterpiece again! Bravo!

    Lily (Amaging images and I could actually feel the coolness of the stone, all through this piece. I'm very impressed)

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