Would that I wasn't surrounded by
this host of melodious wings,
that I couldn't hear their flutter
mock the solace Silence brings.
Instead Denial wisps away
and I remove my ring,
one time token of love aloft,
now bits of broken string.
Would that bluebirds ceased their songs,
deceitful little birds!
Harmonious utterance fills my ears,
a warcry in their words.
The thieves! They've stolen all the lies!
Would that I had not heard,
embracing aural disfunction,
Reality transferred.
Would that I could still touch your soul,
my instrument once played!
Now fingers plunk notes of desire
without Love's music made.
That rhythmic, humming, soaring sound
that once kept our hearts swayed
has muted. Would it was not so,
our love my ears betrayed!
Alas! That blissful chirping,
that once gave cares their rest,
admissions calls to carpet,
demands Truth be confessed!
Forever doesn't last that long--
not even for the best...
The bluebirds took our Remnants
and used us for their nest.
Author notes
Written December 8th, 2005
A contest entry
- show me again by slipperssun.
800 points, ended October 26, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Oh My GOD... that was realy deep and emotional... almost had tears with this one... thank you for the restoration of my faith in this site... people like you write from hearts and share with us all.. i wish you well in my contest and in life
cheers
Jen
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only a true poet could express a daily life with its triumphs and downfalls the way you did with this
Being a huge bird lover...I guess if I would want anyone to use whatever was in my heart and soul to build a nest , may it be a bluebird or any avian friend for that matter,
reenie
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Um...well, I can't say that I've ever thought of blue birds as evil deceitful beings, but then again I guess that just gives you bonus points for creativity. "The secret lives of blue birds revealed by TooRainbow". LOL Thanks again for your comment on The Elements!
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Great write
Sounds Like a fantastic metphor for the world, jobs, hobbies, each taking their little bit till there's nothing left of you but what the world has made. Follows the biblical metaphor also.
Brilliant writing! I don't usualy like poems this pretty, like I won't drink tea wrim a cup and saucer. You achieved an undercurrent of meaning for me. Thanks! This emperor is fully clothed...
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Beautiful heartbreak!
Ouch, this is too close to feelings that I have had in the past. Love is not forever, everytime. Though many love and leave there are a few that know the love that stays to see the end of the ride. While some jump the train and travle different paths. Still if you don't try to find real love then you will never know the bliss that comes with it. I have loved and lost and loved again. My greatest love is with me now and I only hope I am able to show her that my love for her is unending. I hope and pray she will stay to see the end with me! Thank you for the reminder that I must always cherish what I have found! Thanks, The Shaker -
I haven't got time to do this justice - but it really is beautiful and I'll applaud to show my appreciation!! My favourite line: "Now fingers plunk notes of desire". &hearts
Edited on Dec 09, 11:13 because ''. -
Beautiful piece with wonderful and amazing imagery. I love the bitter tone you've got throughout the piece. Very nicely written. Thank you for sharing.
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Wow. This is a magnificent piece and I thank you for sharing it. The following lines are my favorite and are simply brilliant:
Would that I could still touch your soul,
my instrument once played!
Now fingers plunk notes of desire
without Love's music made.
Fantastic job!!
DXS -
WOW tis a beautiful poem I couldn't help but wonder what you were writing about. Such a lovely piece. Please keep it up.
Kayla -
Magnificent
I came to thank you for taking the time to read my poem "Realism of Womanhood" and to return the favor, but I feel I am still in debt to you. What nothingness my words are compared to yours. Such a beautifully painted poem. Thank you for sharing with all of us. You have definitely found a new fan in me!
Edited on Dec 08, 6:32 p.m. because ''. -
wow... this is beautiful! Great write!It had wonderful words and painted a great picture!
Lots of Love*
RLL
Ps.. sry I had 2 write this twice I 4got 2 add sumthin. -
this is awesome! i love it! its so.. *growl* for a better word; i love the reference to bluebirds; the emotion really shows thru, really wonderful, applaud time ^.^
xXx -
Blue Birdz.
Great words. It sums up the simple complexity that is life, in a very beutiful way.
-JP -
Oh my TooRainBow, what a masterful poem you have presented today. I'm hoping the sad tone carried through it doesn't come from your heart in any more then the desire to write/achieve beauty today. Thank you, and remember to be sure to have a wonderful holiday season. (not too much cake, pudding or sugar coated girlies mind)
Edited on Dec 08, 4:47 p.m. because ''. -
Would that bluebirds ceased their songs,
deceitful little birds!
Harmonious utterance fills my ears,
a warcry in their words.
excelently penned much enjoyed the natural flow of this piece though tainted with sadness.
SDhadows -
haaaaaaaah!
I love birds. This poem basically emphasized on tha subject. I likeded this (i said it correctly liked-ed but thats a funny story) I hope this poem goes somewhere. Great job -
Lovely...beautifully written. It flows so wonderfully without trying to. I do sense a saddness to the poem as well, but it just adds to the beauty of the piece. great work! ~Sheila
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Classic! absolutely the epitome of what poetry should read like!
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To think that bluebirds took your remnants, and used it for their nests - outrageous! very nicely written, flows well and is easy to read and understand. Great images created.
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Omg I love this poem! So beautiful yet so sad. I would like to bookmark it to come back and read again. I really dont have much to say other than it was so powerful that Im feeling a bit depressed. I love the last 2 lines! This was a very very good one. Thanks for sharing
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powerful poem; strong ending.
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A very nicely written poem. Nice use of metaphor. I really enjoyed reading it. It had an easy read flow to it . Well done. Keep it up. Fiona
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Ooooh. This was nice. I get a mix of classical and contemporary in this piece, which is nice without being awkward.
The last four lines are especially... well... awesome.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
Elizabeth
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Keep up the good work!
This is a very nice and pretty poem. But, like ^that poet said, it's sad, too. I liked it alot! Keep penning! -
this is an interesting piece, good use of metaphor and good style.
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wow, this poem is lovely but at the same time it have so much sad tone on it. very good, love it and like how you put your words and everything,
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