*crawls into hole filled to the top with memories and despair*
*sinks to the bottom and hopes for inevitable death as the love, which is oxygen, gets shorter and shorter*
*slowly turns and spins in everlasting torment and pain of never again knowing what is life*
*air bubbles get less frequent and can feel all that is not welcome overcomes me*
*lays face in hands and cries deadly tears of certain fate and intangible freedom*
*grabs stomach and writhes in pain. Horrible taste of disease dominates thoughts. Plunges into chaos and fear*
*Ripage and crippling hate filter in though the crowded mindset of mine. Molestation and sacrifice share a tomb in my heart*
*Fingernails tear at flesh. Turning on myself. The Unjust destiny of mine to decay in the frigid pool of unhesitant hate. Breathes in the ice left over from other souls that linger next to mine already tarnished with regret and self-loathing*
*Continues to die and fray until the realization of one's own life has been for naught*
Author notes
Written December 7th, 2005
A contest entry
- Happyness is Worthless by Time Stands Still.
300 points, ended December 30, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Interesting. The poem is kind of wordy and the emotion is just kind of... blah. The astericks aren't really needed, although it is unique to put this into roleplay form (if that is what you were doing). The plot of this poem is well thought and uniquue and quite wonderful to say the least, but I don't like the layout of it. It's almost as if you put a bunch of lines together that were previously written. Overall it's a good job. Good luck in my contest,
TST -
This is cool, for all that it's a bit creepy. Nice word choice, I like how you used a pool as a metaphors. Metaphors rock
I think this would've been better as a story, because it has more actions than anything else in it. It's a strange format, for a poem.
-
ouch. That really makes me scared to die. Great write, though, Drew. hope to hear from you soon.
Jen
Adding your comment:
1 old applause
