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Snowmen




Snowmen
built yesterday
with two inches of snow
melted to nothing but water
today.


Author notes


Written December 7th, 2005

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • December 12, 2005
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    very strong for such a short piece. Helps you think about things.


  • MagicLady silver member
    December 11, 2005
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    It looks much nicer! I really enjoyed your cinquain.


  • Pookiebubu
    December 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your suggestion!

  • MagicLady silver member
    December 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this cinquain contest in my friend, DelWarrenLivingston's honor. He seemed to enjoy poetry with humor so I know he would have liked your poem. I like the subtle humor in it.
    How often do we wait and wait for that first snow~~enough to make a snowman, and then see it melt away the next day. You took an idea that most people can identify with, and made a lovely cinquain with it.

    I just moved back to PA after six years in San Antonio, Texas. In the years we lived there, not a flake of snow!
    Now I am freezing in the northeast. It snowed nine inches yesterday and I stay hudled in the warm house. I guess I need to get climatized again. When I moved to Texas, it took me several years to get rid of the heat. Actually, I never got used to it.

    I have a suggestion for you to help your poetry have a better visual effect. Your poem is crunched together between the comments and contest rules. If you edit it and click a few times on your enter button before and after your poem, it will give it the space it deserves to look nice. Here is what I mean...





    Snowmen
    built yesterday
    with two inches of snow
    melted to nothing but water
    today.





    Try it, I think you will like the effect it has.



    Cheryl


  • LoveDroveMeCrazy4U
    December 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Good cinguain. good luck in the contest!!
    un-tamed spirit


  • Baby Allen
    December 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thats Texas For Ya!! Hm, cute. Real fun poem. Only i hate it when the snowman melts away! Cool write.
    ~Lynn

  • Pookiebubu
    December 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yup! It was supposed to be humorous. I added that category to the poem. I think it's funny. At best, we'll get 2 inches of snow on the ground, and the community thinks it's the worst snowstorm it's ever seen! Very funny!


  • grannyeri gold member
    December 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Such a wonderful write - liked the shape of your melted snowmen too - no snowmen built here yet - less than 2 inches.


  • Dreamer With Dreams silver member
    December 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i liked this. i thought it was kind of funny. I hope it was supposed to be humorous. Great write!

    Safely hidden in the darkness,

    ~ Sacred Shadows aka the Rocker who lost all

1 - 9 of 9