Paint me a picture of satin and grey
My life has been empty since you went away
Colour it dark with the shades of the night
Bring in the clouds that have misted my sight
Pick me a flower that has withered and died
Destroyed so quickly by the tears that I've cried
The petals have fallen, they lay scattered around
And beauty has faded to dust on the ground.
Author notes
this poem was actually written when i was sixteen (1988) and described how dark i felt after discovering an unrequited love.
Written December 7th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Black and White~ by Frozentearz.
525 points, ended February 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What Is Forgotten - few hour contest time limit by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended February 22, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #125 Turn that green into gold by daviscth.
300 points, ended August 25, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Your imagery is awesome in this poem. I remember being that age only to well. Thank you for sharing this with me.
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What a gentle little poem that needs a hug...... lovely language.
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Wow, this is a very good poem from long ago. It described how you felt, and everything is never in black and white when it comes to unrequited love. Good luck in the contest!
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A wonderfully written piece... love the rhymes and flow... short but with some great imagery! Thanks for sharing in the fun and best wishes in the contest.
Frogz~ -
this is a very well written poem also, very good rhythm and rhymes, well done and good luck in the contest,
regards,
floorboards. -
Love can be such a grey area, at times, you know you are in the whitness of all its purity, and times in the middle of the dark of times, but when that gray hits sigh.. you flutter within the brinks of the dust.
Thank you for joining in our fun.
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
you are more than welcome to explore my pages
thank you for those comments and feel free to read any of my poetry, I have plenty to choose from and as my name "errant" suggests in many different styles.
Edited on Aug 25, 9:14 p.m. because ''. -
This is beautiful! So short, and sweet...but so sad...I loved it! I'm intrigued to know what your poetry is like now, so I'm off to read more....great write, to 1988.
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Thank you so much, it did seem like potentially forced there, but how to get the point of the poem of lost love across without using that word. Mainly the words were chosen for imagery and impact, I was so young then I wasn't to concerned with searching for another option lol.
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Unexpected Beauty!
Absolutely beautiful! Nothing short of beauty! I must say, when I read the first two lines, and heared the rhyming "grey/away" I thought oh great, another person with forced rhyme. But no, you did it WELL! It was awesome!
"Pick me a flower that has withered and died
Destroyed so quickly by the tears that I've cried"
Beautiful... That's all. You're extremely talented! GreatJob! -
great
wow, this was put together lovely! It's simply complex, if you get what I mean. It comes off the tounge easily, but it has so much more meaning. Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more. -
Thank you Ashley for your praise on this poem and applause, in moments like that releasing the pain is far better than holding it within. I am pleased you enjoyed it.
Edited on Aug 23, 11:55 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you for those kind remarks, I think we all feel like that from time to time, and not just because of lost love but losing someone dear to us. take care, thanks again.
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Sorry I forgot to applaud this poem...take care! and good write once again
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such saddness and pain. Your words painted such a lonely picture. I enjoyed this very much and I'm looking forward to more!
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Wow...this is an amazing poem...the imagery was really good as well...My favorite sentence in this poem was
"Colour it dark with the shades of the night
Bring in the clouds that have misted my sight"
I also liked the ending
Pick me a flower that has withered and died
Destroyed so quickly by the tears that I've cried
The petals have fallen, they lay scattered around
And beauty has faded to dust on the ground.
you can say I liked the whole thing..
..It was all very well written you are a great poet...keep it up Ill be sure to read more of your writings..
Take care
Ashley
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Excellant/romantic/sad
Wow, extremely well penned. I can really relate to what you say here, but for a different reason. To find out why, check out my poem "Bridges" and you'll understand. -
I see now why Krys loves your writes.
This is so sweet, so simple, so emotional.
I loved the rhyme, the choice of words and the imagery used.
"Paint me a picture of satin and grey
My life has been empty since you went away
~~~
The petals have fallen, they lay scattered around
And beauty has faded to dust on the ground"
These lines are just beautiful.
Best of luck in the contest.
~Hana~
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Awesome
Aww this is sad and touching. I loved every word of it. You have a great talent cousin please keep writing and I will keep reading.
Love Your Loving Cousin
Countrybabe
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excellent
I agree with everyone else, you are an amazing poet when you were 16 - and you are just as amazing now!! I love everything about this. The way you list all the things you would like back... great job, honey!!! hugs and love - Mum -
oh wow, THis is realy very good, and the emotions in it are so the moment, in the moment.... if that makes any sense....
I was the same way when I started writing... and new love can be so emotional, especially when it is an unrequited love... anyway great wirte, and good luck in the contest!
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Oh now this is very nice.This is just great.SO well written for someone who was 16 at the time.Thank you sweety!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!
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Nice. I really enjoyed this one. If I may ask, what were you talking about combining more than one title? I am sure you meant a contest you are hosting, but I am in quite a few contests right now... if you could just clarify that for me.
About the poem... again nicely written. I will comment more specifically on that once the contest has ended. Thanks for entering!!! -
I loved how it flowed throughout the poem. I also liked how you made the poem rhyme. Great poem!!! Keep writing them!!!
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Thank you aura, sometimes the teenage years can be the darkest of our times, those are the emotions I was hoping to convey. Gracias for your praise.
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hmmmmm so your talent can be traced back to when you were nearly half your age
-this is a truly brilliant piece with an ability to transfer its emotions to the reader- I would not have guessed it had been penned by a sixteen year old -the sadness portrayed has a very calm collectedness to it- no melodrama- very tangible and relative
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Thanks again pasha. I will try to add more work to this site soon. Glad you enjoyed the read.
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This is an amazing piece of work for a sixteen year old. You express things very beautifully, cleanly and neatly, but packing such feeling into it nevertheless. This is also a beautiful poem.
Adding your comment:
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