For my whole life, I stood beside my own
dark fears; they cleave in hate to all I've made.
And tears I've wept forever since I've known,
what gifts to me cruel fortune's grace has laid.
Where all loves' coin was spent averting fate,
it no more helped than harmed what life would give;
So not for love, with naught but lovelorn state
I'll once again fear lose this will to live.
At journey's end, that short does catch me here,
Far past this forward place I must not be,
No other flame will ever burn as clear
As this kind minder branded deep inside me.
I did remember, here in my life's nigh:
That unconditioned love fears not to die...
Author notes
[English Sonnet]
option: being in love
Written December 6th, 2005
In a list
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is a beautiful poem indeed. I have written a couple of sonnets and I struggle so mightily with the iambs.
short LONG short LONG short short (grr! I have to rwerite this line again?)
I just loved the last line! -
very well done
I'm very impressed that this poem has so much meaning and wonderfully expressed thoughts without any of the awkwardness that usually comes with writing in such an exacting form.
I especially loved the line "Where all loves' coin was spent avoiding fate"- great metaphor!
Excellent work, this definitely deserved gold.
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Lovely write.You deserved to win.excellent
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YOu have truly done a fantastic job
with this English Sonnett, bravo to you
and keep penning your wonderful writes
FrozenTears -
Wow...Nicely written piece. Definitely worthy of gold. Very nicely done. Congratulations on winning. Best wishes to you and yours. Love always,
Kristen Nicole Baer -
wonderful
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Congratulations on your award
truly well deserving,, many blessings
Frozentears -
Tony:
Shakespeare didn't consider the jury to be out. He used fememine line endings.
If you dont like feminine line endings then dont write or read english sonnets (also called Shakespearean Sonnets, after the famous poet who not only used feminine line ends when he felt like it, but is the most renowned english sonnet writers of all time).
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Someone is wrong but who??
Definitions:
Iambic pentameter has 5 iambs or beats per line and 10 syllables. It was used by poets in order to emphasize the importance of the message in their verse. An example of iambic pentameter is "That time of year thou may'st in me behold."
English poetry employs five basic rhythms of varying stressed (/) and unstressed (x) syllables. The
meters are iambs, trochees, spondees, anapests and dactyls. In this document the stressed syllables
are marked in boldface type rather than the tradition al "/" and "x." Each unit of rhythm is called a
"foot" of poetry.
The meters with two-syllable feet are
IAMBIC (x /) : That time of year thou mayst in me behold
TROCHAIC (/ x): Tell me not in mournful numbers
SPONDAIC (/ /): Break, break, break/ On thy cold gray stones, O Sea!
Meters with three-syllable feet are
ANAPESTIC (x x /): And the sound of a voice that is still
DACTYLIC (/ x x): This is the forest primeval, the murmuring pines and the hemlock
(a trochee replaces the final dactyl)
Other sites also were adamant about the necessity of syllable count, yet some would argue your point that a trailing unstressed syllable is allowed, often referring to it as a "feminine line ending." I'm afraid the jury is out on this issue.
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tony you are counting syllables. This is not the correct way to scan a line. You must count feet.
Each line in an english sonnet is iambic pentameter.
This is the case in this poem, including the lines you are complaining about. A line is iambic pentameter if it has 5 feet and at least 3 out of 5 feet are iambic.
additionally a line of iambic pentameter may have a trailing unstressed syllable.
Line 12 has an unstressed syllable trailing.
Line 14 has the leading syllable cut off the first foot. This is called a headless iamb. The other 4 feet are regular iambs.
The lines you are pointing out are intentionally done that way for dramatic effect.
thank you for your comments.
If you are interested in sonnet writing yourself, I am running a contest right now for sonnets and villanelles.
allpoetry.com/Contest/1653721
feel free to stop by and enter it.
Cheers. -
Dear David, sonnets are a pain; you have two bugs to work out:
Your line 12 has 11 syllables:
"For this kind mind-er brand-ed deep in-side me."
Your line 14 has 9 syllables:
-- Un-con-di-tioned -- love fears not to die...
Aren't sonnets fun? When I found out the rule concerning pentameter, I discovered I had created a new form of English Sonnet for my work, which you can check out on my page; see: "The Rose Sonnet." allpoetry.com/Poem/1643038
Edited on Dec 10 because ''. -
dont take this the wrong way but this was creepily deep. In a way one could really get totally immersed within the words alone the lines themselves
Rae -
Excellent beautifully crafted!! Kudos!!
Beautifully orchestrated the rhyme scheme is the spice,the ribbon that ties ever so eloquently ... "At journey's end, that short does catch me here,
Far past this forward place I cannot be,
No ardent flames will ever burn this clear
For this kind minder branded deep inside me." Brava!! Excellent work
Wishing you much success in all of your endeavors and a joyous Holiday Season to you and yours 
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This is a beautiful heart felt poem1 This is a great write! Keep up the great work!
Lots of love*
RLL -
A most beautiful sharing from your heart and soul! Very much enjoyed reading this! This is poetry at its' finest!
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Lovely
This poem is so beautiful I want to smack you.. in the most complimentary of ways, of course. I love that you followed your own rules as a true poet should. Gorgeous form, and content, wonderful message, amazing poem. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us, it has not gone unappreciated. -
wonderfully written! Great stuff!
Grace -
I really liked this poem.
it had some great imagery in it.
It was really deep and I'm sure some people can relate to it.
"No ardent flames will ever burn this clear"
that is my absolute favorite line.
it is really hard to explain why though.
Amazing job.
keep it up.
~Midnite rae
[the morbid mistress]
aka:marissa rae -
This is such a beautiful poem. Very deep and powerful write. You penned it perfect. Excellent...bravo!
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I am sure that no comment I am going to leave will do this piece of poetry justice. It is absolutely beautiful. It is penned with love and passion and wisdom. Gosh... For once I am speechless... Thank you so much for entering this poem... it is incredible.
Always,
Melanie
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very lovely and sweet david
good luck in the contest
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"So I remembered, before my life's eye,
That unconditioned -- love fears not to die..."--- So true
beautifully written, good luck in this contest, you did a very nice job on your peice...
- Kim, A poetry friend
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