Walk inside with your fake plastic smiles,
and sparkling eyes of redemptive torture;
make your way to your thrones held high,
as you look down upon the less fortunate.
Close your eyes and bow your heads,
pray that today will be your best;
empty your pockets, not to be giving,
but to receive your rightful place.
You've given it all to the world,
just to have the world give it all back to you,
as you sit on your monuments;
claiming to be righteous in your faith,
but your actions are sugar-coated in lies.
How can you look at yourself in the mirror,
and not hate yourself,
when you're worse than the ones you judge?
Make sure to dress in your finest;
someone very important is watching!
And sit in your judgment seat as
the congregation fills with unworthy souls,
and your forked tongues crave hissing;
so as you leave,
gather in your group of perfection,
and cast stones upon your inferior companions;
forgetting the One who dressed simply,
the One that you swear you worship,
when all you worship is your reflection in society.
No wonder Sunday morning means nothing to me;
no wonder so many are quick to draw the gun on all of us-
church is blind, and hearts are empty,
but for the greed, not just for money,
but for their rightful spot,
so undeserving,
in heaven.
Author notes
options four and five-If this is too harsh for the contest, I apologize ahead of time, but I figured it wasn't bad as I'm not bashing the religion but some of the "followers" of the religion itself.
This poem is not meant to make anyone angry, but if it does, chances are you're one of the types of people I'm talking about. I'm not saying anything bad about Christianity, or any religion, but there are some who are holier-than-thou, and this poem is about those people, and how they affect society.
This poem won fourth place in the ~*~* e*n*t*e*r *~*~ contest by KissaFrog666, and an honorable mention in the Optional Demise [Contest] by Liberation of Sense.
Written December 6th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Real Poetry Contest by Oedhel.
525 points, ended October 20, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - no title by lee-sharp.
1500 points, ended January 15, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 191st Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended February 2, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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It's good to see someone else that can share that point of view without being down on the concept of Christianity. Too many people wrap us all in with the self-righteous idiots that claim to be God's faithful, and completely forget that some of us do love the Creator, not the trappings of any 'religion' or sect.
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Thank you for your comment, and for understanding what I said.
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I appreciate your explanation in the author's notes. And I assume you have good reasons for feeling the way you do. And I too have known my share of wicked religious people. thank you for your honest entry and for being open about your feelings in the author's notes. Good luck.
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Results...
Originality: 4/4 It’s original alright.
Rhythm: 2/4 It was seriously lacking rhythm.
Wording: ¾ Nice range of vocabulary of could have been worded better.
Ease of Reading: 2/4 I find it didn’t read very easily.
Final Score: 11/16 Nice job though.
For a more extensive critique contact me after the close of the contest.
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Thanks for your critique.
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Oh no. I'm not mad at Christianity. I AM a Christian-very much so! I'm just pissed at those who say they're such good wholesome Christians when sometimes they're worse than non-believers, and then they try to sit around and make everyone else look bad. I just use poetry as a creative way to vent my stress and everything, that's all this is-just to have an opinion and have it heard. And as far as the mirror part being cliche, well, it just popped in my head and it fit well, and I'd rather have it be cliche than make no sense and stick out like a sore thumb! lol
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the mirror part was too cliche. Plus, the poem should be sepparated in stanzas or something. that's just my view. You seem awfully mad at christianity.
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Thanks again for your nice words.
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I love the wording in the poem it's well set and very clear. The title of this poem fits with it really well and you can tell that a lot of effort was put into this poem.
My favirate lines in the poem are
"Make sure to dress in your finest;
someone very important is watching!"
I like theses two lines because it shows thaat there is somone more inpotant watching but just because the person is wearing better cloths does not nessacarliy mean that he is better.
Good luck in my contest!
~Hopie~ -
I am less than flattered that you have entered a poem which won 4th prize elsewhere and you haven't even bothered to edit out which option it failed to win in your author's notes. So deleted/DQ'd for tactlessness.
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Thanks very much! Glad you like it.
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Oh, very good. I haven't seen a piece like this in a long time. I totally agree with you on most of what I've read here, and I love the way you presented the idea. Poetry for something such as this is quite the rareity. Good job!
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ding dong ding dong
It rings true, louder than the bells of the church. -
Thanks very much. I'm glad you liked it! Good luck with your contest.
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woah man...great job I really like this one! Its freakin awesome! The part
You've given it all to the world, just
to have the world give it all back to
you, as you sit on your monuments;
claiming to be righteous in your faith,
but your actions are sugar-coated in lies
struck me and I really like it! Best of wishes in my contest! -
Thanks a lot for the support! I agree with ya 100%!!! Hmmm, I will take that into consideration and see what I can do. Again, thanks a bunch!!!
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Unfortunately, the only hypocrites are the moral majority claiming to be Christian; and, like you, I am a Christian. However, my religion, or denomination as it were, is the Holy Bible only. Unfortunately, to many lies pour from the pulpits and lead the people astray.
As an editor, the only recommendation I would make here is that you separate this gloriously written Truth into stanzas; which would make reading much easier. Best wishes in the contest!
Love and hugs, B♥nnieQ
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Hey you're online right now! Yay! Thanks very much. Glad I have so much support. Love ya heaps!!!
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Thanks! Glad I'm not the only one.
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standind ovation
I think its a wonderful poem. I liked it an aweful lot. I wonder if it'll irritate the townsfolk? I mean it's well written and its true and there are people like that in the world and it is bound atleast irritate someone. I loved it and I love you
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Definitely...I completely understand this one...and i can relate as well. Well-written!!
-sydni
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Thank you very much! Glad you liked it.
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I loved it. very heartfelt
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