A million excuses
Reasoning men.
Vying for power
In Denomination
A million excuses
To rule the world
Belief or not in
Evening the score
Reasonable
Excuses to hate
Stealing life
Roads to be paved
Strap on some ammo
In the name of creation
Lie upon our
Fabrication
Rank and ranting
Pure or panting
Dangerous denizen
Lies To prove
In sin unmoved
A closed mind
Makes the best
Citizen.
Armageddon shouted
From the rooftops
Storms Hell bent
To make us drop
Onto rapture
Or reevaluation
Mild winter
Of lowly station.
Rank and ranting
Pure or panting
Dangerous denizen
Lies To prove
In sin unmoved
A closed mind
Makes the best
Citizen.
Somewhere in the vacant
Tween belief and disbelief
Sniff out the truth
Seeking more than your relief.
Smartness dawning
Of the social snob
Proving points
Enjoying the job
Facts out of grasp
Of documentation
Giving way to
Label lamentations
Rank and ranting
Pure or panting
Dangerous denizen
Lies To prove
In sin unmoved
A closed mind
Makes the best
Citizen.
Author notes
music.asylumsmiles.com/songs/citizen.mp3
Written December 5th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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For some reason this poem really struck me at first. I am assuming that from your diction you are writing most of this in a sarcastic tone. I find it to be very powerful I really enjoy what I'll call the chorus as it resonates throughout the piece. "A closed mind/Makes the best/Citizen." is such a what I'm going to call "BAM" statement.
It really hits you that, is this what some people are thinking? We need to fight, we need to shoot, we need to oppress and hate and make sure that we get to the top. And when we are at the top we will be set.
The rhyme scheme when I read this is so unexpected but such a nice surprise. You find a way to create powerful ideas and then wrap them up with a strong meaningful rhyme. And I really have to be sold on rhyming, because in a lot of cases I hate it. I even hate it when I write it alot but yours are welcome surprises. Like finding a set of lost keys, your words hit me like OH its so obvious, I never would have thought to look there. I really love it.
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Oooh, interesting idea...however, I do agree with silica's comment on the structure of your poem...still, a very good write with a good idea for a poem...good luck in my contest!
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‘Enemy of the State’ Ibsen – I found this one a bit of a scramble – the erratic rhyme scheme seemed just a little too random – I think with the very short lines you need a more discernable pattern to give it structure – a beat poem, driving the point home with a rapid fire rhythm. -
thought provoking work, good images to reflect todays man lol abigailxx
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