Slashing and burning
Heart torn asunder
Wish you could see me
Naked in the rain
My eyes are bleak
My hair is ragged
My skin is ripped
My lips curved with scorn
You left today or long before that
Took my glass heart with you
In a brown paper bag
I feel numb inside and cold out
Now I drip pink swirling drops
Watering the earth
Soon I shall be out of this mortal coil
Away from you and them
So much for my fairy tale, prince charming, man
I held you too clutch tight
I'll never stop loving you
Even as I lay here
Lightning flashing across the night sky
Mud filling my lungs
Water pelting my flesh
Naked in the rain
Author notes
I go for option one........mmhmm
Written December 4th, 2005
A contest entry
- Look Good Naked by vaguelyfamiliar.
600 points, ended December 21, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
I think you did a good job. You show that this person feels like the whole world can see their every flaw, all because someone hurt them after opening them with promise of love and happiness, and now the hurt one wishes the inflictor of pain to see what they've done, kinda like a are you happy now? guilt trip.
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You need me, just like an old shoe
I was trying to show vulnerability, damnation!!
Plus I didn't edit this one because of the guidelines on the contest -
ah. Angst. ah. Naked should not be angsty. Beauty. Simplicity. Lovelylovely body and skin and ....this just doesn't strike the right chord in me.
I really like the short lines and I think the first stanza is effective, but at that point you go from "Look at me, I'm beautiful." to "I miss you and I'm going to cut myself."
That makes me really sad. And not naked. *sigh*
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