War rages in the trenches
Civilians huddle at schoolyard fences
In the dark a siren sounds
A slam, a scream, the baying hounds
Campaigns of hate that last all night
Pollute the home with malice and spite
Morning dawns and neighbours stare
As rage begins to taint the air
Pitched battles on the driveway
As angry nights spill into days
Civilians whisper hopes of peace
But shots are heard through the debris
Of a family's life before the war
When nights were used for sleep no more
Abuse is screamed and truths unwrapped
Civilians bleed caught in the attack
As war rages in the trenches
And survivors huddle near schoolyard fences
One more childhood hits the wire
Bought down by friendly fire
Author notes
I like to ping bras
Written December 3rd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Two options- Prewrites allowed!! by Moonshinesuicide.
350 points, ended December 4, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Of a family's life before the war
When nights were used for sleep no more
i do not understamd this section, you are speaking of before the war yes, so sleep no more says to me before the war there was no sleep. i can understand the no sleep once the war has begun but before the war sleep would have been peaceful yes? spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
-
Today's world is full of surprises. Intense! wow you amaze me with your writing. Excellent choice to write about.
-
Powerful
Intense! Todays world is a scary place... -
Magnificent!
Amazing. I am not anti-war, but I am a pacifist, and this poem shows the negative effects of war so clearly. The loss of a child's life is so horrible, and you used it in a way to really touch the reader. Magnificent! -
thanks for your comments and ideas! it is nice to have someone put thought into improving my poem! i write straight so to speak i'm not a scribbler or editer when i write i know i probably should but when an idea bounces in my head i just have to write it as i think it, i think the lines you suggested revisions for do need tweaking..maybe i will ...xxx
-
Overall Good poem
Hi. Overall good poem i liked it, however, am just going to be critical and point out a few areas where you could improve.
In the line that begins "Pollute the home..." if you remove the and and replace malice with an adjective describing the spite then you will find the poem flows that little bit better with the previous lines.
Finally i believe the line that begins,"But shots are heard..", need either be removed from the poem or a new line its place to continue the flow, or perhaps if you like the line to split it into another stanza to delay its reading, which will result in your poem flowing better. -
I like it very much it touches the heart and mind too. Good work.
-
This is a great poem, well done! Its about arguments im assuming using war as an example, which i wasn't expecting in this contest but it definetly fits all teh same. well done and good luck in my contest xxx
-
Wow. I think Iraq but it could be Newark.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
3 old applause
