At the battlefield of sarajevos hills
i met him for the first time
he was shrouded with mist
I feared him at first
then curious at his doing,
he gathered souls in our midst
His voice neither male or female
spoke to me gently
he made me feel ease
Looking at him working
made me fear death less
and brought my heart at peace
His name was Azrael angel of death
Author notes
Written December 3rd, 2005
A contest entry
- Mysteries, Divination...Let the Divine Shine! by Amunet Wolfbane.
500 points, ended December 5, 2005, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Real Poetry by Hermit Risin.
600 points, ended January 2, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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6.5-7 (judging on scale 1-10)
religious connotations aside, i must say that the last line is thoroughly superfluous. it is extremely obvious what you are getting at from the beginning. the emotions here are very honest, and well-expressed, but if you are trying to end with a surprise I would suggest a slight reworking to make the first two stanzas or so a little more vague. -
well i dont know how to reply on that one really, but i understand for sure what you mean.
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This has a hauntingly authentic feel to it. Such things occur in highly charged, traumatic circumstances... something I can relate to very well: a close encounter of the mystical kind.
~Gen
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Very good poem.
It brought images of the scene in my mind as always with your poems
You say everything with only a few words. -
Very powerfully done and I must say I knew exactly where you were going with this one. You did quite an impressive job here with few words and stepped outside the mold of the pic as well. Fantastic piece! Blessings, Gypsy
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wonderful
Wow, this is pretty powerful. I can't imagine what it must have been like, and the images that you must continue to see and live. Peace and God Bless, LB
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