My time has not yet come
In whirlwind and redemption
and so I stay in sleepless repose
The lives and lies, they dwell in me
And what am I?
Somewhat a shadow yet almost a face
A desert of stalemate
and a world of perdition
Still, what of it that I'm souless?
I'll not stand in defeat.
Author notes
I'm overly fond of this, despite it's many obvious flaws. It's an older piece that I dug up.
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Written December 2nd, 2005
So please, no critique, because: I know. 
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Oops, you said no critique, so all I am going to say is that I can relate to this all too well, suddenly being unable to identify with the roles played in life. There is so much more to us than these roles, however. If you had no soul you'd not be able to come up with this insightful poem and gaze down at yourself, and wonder if the lives and lies are everything there is.
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what a great poem you are very gifted and so talented with the words..thanks for helping with the grammer i do believe it is very important...
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Nice work!
Hope you don't stand in defeat! Nice work on this!
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Excellent
I really rather like it just as it is; especially the last line which is filled with hope. Thank you for sharing this one. -
thx for entering my contest i really like this poem u made a very deep point clear in such a short poem thx again and good luck and gr8 write
~ * ~ Dying4life ~ * ~ -
deep and meaningful
A defiant poem, love the language you've used here -
This is very beautiful. I love the emotion and meaning. Very lovely. Great job and keep on writting.
Edited on Dec 25, 7:33 p.m. because ''. -
Shady
Hi,
I'm guessing you are waiting for Judgement??
I like the shady feel of this, shadows and stalemate, gives a certain desperation to it which contrasts with the end - "I'll not stand in defeat". Some people can see the positive in any situation!! LOL
I like your use of the word "perdition" and then your question about soulessness in the next line, it's a really good lead through.
I'm not sure about "Somewhat a shadow. ." doesn't sound quite like real English to me, though I could be wrong.
I'm not really sure why you won't stand in defeat and if this is something to do with not having a soul. What is it that might defeat you? Are you not being judged? Little bit lost there.
I like the overall defiant feel at the end though, as if in some way you are standing up to God. Or something.
LB -
I like your poem! It's short and (for want of a better word) sweet! I particularly like the line 'In whirlwind and redemption.'
Sometimes the older pieces are the better ones...
Jess
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awesome, this is very good and unique it makes you really pay attention and to think very interesting great job
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Good!
"Somewhat a shadow yet almost a face" I like that line very very very much! Good job!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ Marisa aka The Rocker who lost all
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