Vague and empty
Falling reminiscent of
Cold hearts, frosted seats
Welcoming- ever changing
Dancing without duplicates
Pasting itself in temporary
Certainty
Seasonally devouring
Imagine: being there
In a tale older than
The first snowball fight
Author notes
two ways to interpret this. maybe even three if you really stretch!
background was made by me, aimed my camera at the sky and took a picture of the snow falling.
the image of the swing was also taken by me
*
Written December 1st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- AP family (prewrites allowed) by DesertRose1.
300 points, ended July 2, 2006, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One Day: Hours by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended June 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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You're forgiven for the picture, but left-align it already! lol. I reeeally loved the "pasting itself in temporary certainty"... one of those lines likely to stick with me for the rest of the day. "temporary" is a perfect word to describe "hours". Glad to see someone is approaching this contest without using the word "time" somewhere in their piece. lol
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This is cool! The background and picture are very inspiring...
Vague and empty
Falling reminiscent of
Cold hearts, frosted seats
Interesting beginning... Great poem.
Thanks for entering it in my contest...
~DesertRose
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The poem is just fantastic! Even the background and picture. Marvelous! That's all I can say. Great job and I wish you luck in the contest. bye bye
<3 Triste -
nice photo. i envy you, we don't get snow down here.
quite a nice peice.
I enjoyed the use of the calming simple language.
Well Constructed. -
wow amazing photography, background and image. this was short, sweet and concise. I'm older than the first snowball fight
. ok so that was a bad joke, but nevertheless, this has tons of different imagery. quite abstract i'd say.
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well, it was your contest and you could've overrided
thanks for the esteemed comment hehe. I chose to use the extended hyphen to emphasize and pace the poem at that point. a technique recently covered in writing for media professionals ironically enough!
well, even if my poem only flirted with gold, it was certainly worth the grade in photography class hehe -
Dis is Gud!
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What a refreshing write this is! A dark ode to snowflakes is a very original idea, and you made yours very compelling. That you did so with a mere 40 words speaks well of your poetic skill. My favorite line is “Dancing without duplicates,” because of the irony it holds.
Criticisms:
1. Use of “heart” and “soul” in any poem, unless it is absolutely inescapable, will always stick out for me, because those words are so overused. Your verse is so strong, though, that I barely noticed it.
2. I think the hyphen after “Welcoming” should be a comma.
I’m bookmarking this piece because I like it so much, and I’m truly disappointed that I can’t give it a gold cup. I had no idea this contest would attract such a high caliber of work. Excellent, excellent work.
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Dig it
Words on their own can be powerful, but the words coupled with the backround and picture, verrrry nice. Although I'm not sure what the subject matter is, I'm sure it has something to do with the picture....no? -
Wow. I was totally oblivious. I had to read it twice just to make some meaning. But it falls in place(excuse pun) when you apply it. Snow. I like, nay adore, the description. It's confusing and understandable, paradoxical like the sweetest line in this piece:
Pasting itself in temporary
Certainty
Good job kryspin. This was very original.
Arielle Giselle -
ah thank you so very much! I'm enjoying my photography course very much and when random practice inspiration hits, i'm out the door in shoes and pjamas- chasing after snow!
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Bravo! all the way around, I think I am especially impressed with you background because it truly is a wonderful picture, the snow, is to which I refer here. I think you have done a really wonderful job with this piece and I wish you all the best in the contest.
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I immediately thought rain drops on the lens....phenominal art/photography! Imaginative. I disagree with wbiro, I found the middle to be the heart of the poem.There are so many ways you can go with it, and each makes perfect sense. Especially "Welcoming-ever changing". Good luck in the contest.
fp ~;~ -
Nice, bubbly background! and an empty swing chair... let's see what the significance of these visuals are... empty and frosted... yes, both work! Very good! and I like imagining the tale of love older that the first snowball fight... (although I'd argue that the fight came first! lol) Nice compact piece with some great imagery... 8 our of 10! (I drifted away in the middle...)
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Really pretty, Kryspin. I love the quietness of this piece and just how thoughtful it is. Great last line for a love poem. Good luck in the contest!
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well the photo i took inspired the write. so did the photo of the snow falling from the sky which i use as the bg
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wow, this was a great poem, it flowed well and i kind of something in the image that went with the poem, that is just me.
Adding your comment:
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