Floating away in the breeze of the air
She left me feeling lonely, but showed what she was
Was the flutter like butter magnefique to the air.
Far and fast, that butterfly flew
Away from this world and to someplace new
Where butterflies roam free and forever
Forever and ever, that's how long they shall endeavor.
I'll never forget that long gracious smile
The way her paintbrush seemed to defy
Laws such as gravity, life, divine
As that brush ran across with that light glob of paint
Of a beautiful and sheer butterfly
So long did she paint
Such a live full of the unliving
Yet living and undead
The butterfly floats away in her head
And it floats down to paper, off the page, forever stead
Gone but still here
In heaven but here still
Existant but dead
Alive in my head
In heaven forever and ever.
Amen.
Author notes
I wrote this about my grandmaw, and i hope you like it!
Written December 1st, 2005
A contest entry
- PAY IT FORWARD....again by Thedragonisgone.
300 points, ended October 30, 2006, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This is lovingly written for your grandmother as your author's notes say and it's lovely in that sense. I love butterflies personally and have one as a tattoo actually. I enjoyed this it is simply written for a loved one. THis is the type of material I was looking for. Critical review - Check Spelling: devine - divine
The end line rhyming is sloppy and the use of interline rhyming was done ok. You will want to watch mixing and matching poetic devices. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. This piece would lend itself very well to a visual form with just a few tweaking and edits. As far as using "Amen" at the end, well, it gives it a more solemn feel but this didn't strike me as a prayer or as a message that there is agreement about which is what the word "Amen" is used for; however the dictionary allows it to be used for the phrase "so be it." In this case, then, it works ok but still lends a very solemn feel to a light and airy poem.
I do like this work very much and would love to see an edited version if you decide to make any changes.
Thank you so much for entering.
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This was quite a unique piece of work.
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Thank you so much for the entry
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