I will not suffer you, who stole my muse,
To sing no praises higher than your own;
No calling on past favours to atone
These present insults won that I should lose.
It's not for my poor artistry to choose,
When patience wears its sole so thinly grown;
What words should braze and buckle all I've known,
So I might suffer you, who stole my muse?
My muse did as the sky does in the rain,
And darker as the sun's last rays withdrew,
Into the black of heaven's empty anger;
No inspiration lives with me and you.
These words will cry upon my heart's last hunger,
And drown alone as long as I remain.
Author notes
Petrarchan Sonnet
this sonnet uses a slightly variant rhyming scheme in the sestet which I hope makes this sonnet feel like it goes from sad to more sad at the volta.
the scheme is : abbaabba cdedec
Written November 30th, 2005
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this is really good well done!
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Great job. I love this style of sonnet... nice choice and excellent write. Best of luck in the contest and... Keep on writing, ~TC
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Lovely technique.
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this is spectacular.
i feel at a loss for words right now. i loved the theme and the mood you set with this poem. it flowed very nicely, and it was very well-written
Jen
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WOW
David you are so incredible! I can definately relate to this topic as well and you really penned this one beautifully in my eyes.
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beautiful amazing poem
This so cute.with a nice tone and good flow.
I also like the picture.Thanks for the wonderful poem. -
IrishYndina: wow. what excellent comments. I have much more experience with shakespearean sonnets than petrarchans. I did try to create a thematic turn in the sestet. My intent was to turn the poem downwards to an even more bitter note. And suprise the reader that way.
The feminine rhyme in lines 11 and 13 (where the extra unstressed trailing syllable is) are part of my effort turn downwards at the end. iambic pentameter with trailing extra unstressed syllable is still considered iambic pentameter.
Your information on conceits is very interesting. I have been dancing around such conceits .. my other petrarchan allpoetry.com/Poem/1657955 suggests the speaker is a shadow fleeing from the sunlight. But the metaphore is fairly clear and easy to understand. As it is in this poem.
I think I may try to delve further in this regard in my next petrarchan. For this one, I believe I accomplished what I set out to for now at least.
another image which goes with the poverty and hunger motif is the soles of patience's shoes wearing thin.
Thanks for your comments. They were very extensive! -
You are a real genius in writing a sonnet... You left me amazed again with this one!
Keep on writing sonnets...They inspire me a lot, because I personally love the poem. -
I think the rhyming worked out perfectly and did, indeed, turn the poem "sadder"
As far as the form is concerned, I saw very little to complain about. Your rhymes are all solid, your octet/sestet work well, and you've even managed to keep the lines mostly iambic (which isn't as easy as it sounds...even Shakespeare switched up his iambs, althought I have the sneaking suspicion that his were on purpose). The one thing I noticed was that lines 11 and 13 each have an extra syllable (11 instead of 10). That's just a bit of prosody...you can think about changing it, but leaving it as is certainly doesn't make the poem bad
From what I know of Petrachan sonnets in general, it seems that they are usually elaborate conceits - very extended metaphors, really. Two of the most famous Petrachan conceits are the unattainable love as a deer that is being chased and love as a ship in a storm. I think that if you wanted to, you could make this piece into a conceit as well. The most promising thought for this is the stealing thread - she stole your muse, now what other things have or could be stolen? Night stealing in is cliche, but might add. What about thieving insults? Or robbed of praise? Or the darkness pillaging and hording the last sunbeams? Just ideas, of course. I do like the "poor artistry" and "last hunger" because they sound like words of one who has been robbed blind...or of someone so poor they may need to resort to theivery themselves.
The only other suggestion I have is this: most often, sonnets have a subtle turn or twist before the end. In Shakespearean sonnets, this twist is in the last couplet; in Petrarchan sonnets, it occurs in the sestet. Your poem seems to continue the same train of thought in the sestet as you began in the octet. Perhaps you'd like to consider a turn - maybe the other person's point of view, or the good things about having your muse stolen, or the knowledge that you will somehow get your muse back in the end...I don't know, it's something you'll have to think on.
Now that I've said so much rubbish, I should really point out that this is an excellent piece of poetry. It sounds classical, like it belongs to the period of Petrarch, and it is well-constructed. I only had so many suggestions because it was so good; when I see a good poem, it seems like I always want to help make it even better So don't take offense at any of my insignificant opinions...write what you feel is right and leave it at that!
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Hmm...as the others, I dont know much about it, so i doubt I can do this amazing piece of work any justice. It was great, the emotion that came through was fantasitcally presented and the way everything was put together...great job!
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Hmm..first time reading a Petrarchan Sonnet and I must say, while all sonnets are simply beautiful, this one adds a bit more 'work' to them. The fact that it DOES go from sad to sadder is amazing. I know you mentioned it in your author's comments, but you did manage to pull it off.. because that's what I felt when reading this sonnet. Seems as though you were a bit "angry" in the words .... someone stole your muse. In the end, you're saddened by the fact that it's gone. Excellent write, kudos!!
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I know nothing of form poetry, so I will simply believe you on the sonnet information! Sorry I can't be of more help there!
As for the content of the poem I really think it touches something. The loss of your muse - a great loss for a poet! However, you still seem very capable of writing well despite that loss!
Good luck for the contest.
LB -
beautiful
"Into the black of heaven's empty anger;
No inspiration lives with me and you.
These words will cry upon my soul's last hunger,
And drown alone as long as I remain." that was insanely unbelievable...the words you used...they seem like they are so perfect for their place in the poem..i like the way you did this..its like you took a few things that are so simple..and made them mean more than words should be able to...i love this..its great keep on keepin' on my friend 
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