God bless this neighborhood where
the only deviation from summer
is a flurry of snowfall; where
the shouting of hot chocolate spilled
upon squished-toes carpet preceding
the laundry chute trapdoor that reveals
an underwater dungeon of detergent bubbles;
Here, sprawled in baked brick sun-breath
percolating through window panes
I will sing-sing Raffi, taunted by the
soot-faced boys in baseball caps
stomping dusty sneakers at first base
the dull synthetic promise of swingsets.
Then the bully, foisting milk tariffs and
decimating blithe Tamagotchi guises
his mauve nipples buoyant on
the sea of his olive chest
as he dips beneath the water
grabbing my wrist and twisting
the bully twisting and snickering
buck-ass naked amongst
the canopy of browning leaves and
papery twigs dancing mid-air.
Let me be a real boy, anticipatory midnight
the Pinocchio complex without
Peter Pan’s effeminacy, stagnation.
The bully’s eyes cold and unforgiving
lurching, my hands scrabbling at
the pebbled turquoise hot tub shelf
shaking my head no grabbed wet hair
bully saying faggot stop looking faggot
his fingers lacerating sea snakes
I am choking on transparent chlorinated depths
gasping my eyes burning lungs
filling with head-shoved water
and the slippery surface of a hairless thigh.
Take everything from me, please
why would I howl bad-touch flailing
and splashing or fill the void with candy
I don’t have big-boy hands
or Tonka trucks to repair the damage.
Crumpling from the top bunk
featherlight emptied-out child
fresh mother-kissed and tucked-in
I climb naked into the hot tub
toss and turn all night, I am
a liar at eight years old, in love with
bubbles allaying throbbing temples
and stifled integrity, drowning
in the mid-sentence coalescing words.
Take everything, then; the basement closet
where I fell to my knees pulling
at the bully’s waist and shirt
promising him Lego castles to
halt the gurgling choirs of nightsongs just
violate me again, if only he would
validate me again, if only he could.
Author notes
An amalgamation of a million other pieces, and some new stuff.
Hit it.
Written November 30th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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i'm normally not one to just say 'hey this was absolutly amazing' and then walk off...but damn...you got me...seriously got me. i was so driven by this from one line to the next. my eyes tore down the page and snippets of like 30's movies shot in the heart of new york were coming to mind..that old familiarness that isn't familiar whatsoever.
i'm dumbfounded by this elegance, grace, and storytelling that i'm trying to keep my rambling to a minimum. my jaw is on to the floor.
so i will applaud.
excellent
-ash- -
Oh this is the tremors of humanity; the perfect damning song of questing for noble perfection. And then realising humans are just slightly allergic to perfection. Why else do we disgrace snow angels and sandcastles. Ah but bless us for those moments we don't strive for perfection.
Not a lot of poems can do that. Gorgeous.
Plus you usedthe word 'amalgamation' in contest. That alone makes you my hero.
trick -
You're pretty damn amazing, you know. (and that is the extent of my creative input after having my brain date-raped in Latin class)
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THis poem is so filled with emotion it is really amzing seriously, this poem is one of a kind, its very different indeed with the style and way it portrays the feelings that are directed to the reader. I really like the childish innocence in certains lines with the use of childrens toys and other child like items, but then it changes like a punch to the stomach and it really is invigorating to go from innocence to something that is the complete opposite, keep writing for sure!
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