Shadows
caress the walls
deeper shades of dark
flowing fluidly
over the textured white
They merge and disengage
points and hollows
well defined
two silhouettes engaged
in a clandestine; serenade
Shadows
shift and tangle
entwined within the light
an amorphous cascade
that shimmers in the shade
They weave upon the wall
in a dance as old time
their cadence
swells and ebbs between
the candle’s blushing gleam
Two shadows
pause in flight
tensing in ecstasy
they hold each other tight
then merge and fade away.
Patricia Gibson-Williams
November 30, 2005
Author notes
Well I don't know where this one came from. I was just sitting here after reading your contest discription wondering if I could think of something to write for it. I picked up a book I was reading and someone was hiding in a shadow... I started thinking about discribing love making using the shadows on the wall. I just can't decide at this time of the morning how well my idea transformed into words. Please let me know if you liked it and if you spot any typos becasue this is a first draft. Thank you Patti
Written November 30th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Make 'Em Take Another Look by forty-one.
1800 points, ended December 5, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ok, I was right about the "(R)". That made me smile when I saw it, and I found the poem to be more appealing because of it. When you used a semi-colon between clandestine and serenade, it threw off the rhythm a tad. I don't think it was necessary to place it there(just fyi). I did think you needed to create a pause here:
They weave upon the wall
in a dance as old time
their cadence...
I wondered if I was reading it right at first, but then broke up the lines a bit:
They weave upon the wall
in a dance
as old time;
their cadence
I think this way made me understand it as you intended it to be read, but I could be wrong. I think they should have Titanium trophies on this site, that way I could have awarded more people for their outstanding work.
Prince
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Please reveal what the "(R)", in the poem's title means. Really curious about it.
Prince
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Thank you for entering Patti! I'm holding all comments until after the contest closes. Soon.
Prince
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hmm, very nice poem to start with, but honestly i really couldn't connect to it as a love/erotica poem, it felt more like a mystery, something waiting to happen, darkness, shrowdy.. nevertheless, i enjoyed it, thank you...
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i accidently clicked on this poem and am really glad i did. this is really beautiful
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its not the poetry i am usually compelled to read, and i must be honest i clicked here cos it was on the side of the page, but iwill give u accreditation on the fact that u saw and took inspiration from a physical book, it makes u and the poem and ur words seem more realistic to me, not just another poem on AP......
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