Our Perfect Family

I am so fortunate to have never been born.
The stork really did bring me that morn.
I crawled to my family when two hours old.
(I was very bold.)

My life is a blast and is never boring.
Smoke cigars; use condoms whoring.
Our Killer family lives in sleeping bags
Build rat traps from coat hangers and rags.

I’m a happily married man with no strife.
I’m living with my nineteenth nympho wife.
When the flood came we lost only one tent
And two sleeping bags; we've never paid no rent.

None of us has ever burnt up or drowned.
George got took by mistake to the dog pound.
I like to ride in stolen police cars,
Feel safe with its sides of badges and stars.

I’m thinking about being the first man on Mars,
Except them Martians might want me for beefsteak.
I’m so good looking that I’d taste real fine,
So I just stay in this ole neighborhood of mine.

I like to rob in a severe thunderstorm.
You can’t see, you can’t hear nothing.
Your victims can do you no harm.
But what you do get will get wet.
That won’t matter, just turn on the charm
And don’t let the buyer turn it on.

Joe left his reefer lit when he went to sleep.
The fire got one tent and lots of clothes.
After that Joe took off in the jeep.
He ain’t coming back I don't suppose.

Daddy Killer been working on the ole stolen bus.
That thing draws attention to us, I might mention,
Cause it’s got no roof -– but its just us.
It weren’t Daddy’s fault about the wreck.
The steering and brakes were not suspect.
They just quit when the engine fell out of the bus.

Jake got shot in our last bank job.
I got to see how a tourniquet works.
Bubba and Bertha got sick and threw up,
But Daddy said thems just the perks,
Just food poisoning from the leftover chicken
We got sick that way from the food in prison.

So glad he got out and became my Dad.
He found out how to be better bad.
While he was in prison doing his time.
Now I learn from this Daddy of mine.

The family elders left to rob the liquor store.
"I’m out of beer, Daddy; please bring me some more."
I’m just glad my family is so healthy and normal.
I am just sure we have even greater things in store.


Belly Killer