Where have you gone?
Somewhere in the heat of day
I can still feel you
Your pearlescent form corroding my brain
Where have you gone?
Never far away from me...
From all the things I knew you'd never say
I see them in your eyes
Where have you gone?
I gaze at your picture
Your haunting stare burns my soul
or at least what you left of it
At the edge of my seat, I'm waiting
Waiting for your laugh to meet my ears again
Waiting for your lips to embrace mine again
It's these times that keep me from realizing
You're gone- never coming home, never...
No matter how much you hurt me
I'll never scar
Never let you see me longing for your touch again
All alone in the husk I call myself
I'll never let you haunt me
Never give in to the things you made complete me
You'll never make me want the ghost you left me-
The ghost of you.
Author notes
Written November 26th, 2005
A contest entry
- Musical Demise by grass.
300 points, ended December 4, 2005, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I love this prhase ..All alone in the husk I call myself .. it was very discriptive and filled with emotion..good job!
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luminescent
very emotional write. I luv how it describes a haunting stare burns your soul.keep it up! -
First, I want to say this is a very good piece. It is full of emotion and the flow is good. I would make a couple of suggestions to make this flow better, though.
In the fourth stanza, last line: "It's these times that keep me from realizing" I would change to "It's in times like these that keep me from realizing"
The third line of the sixth stanza: "Never give in to the things you made complete me" sounds like it has a word missing. I think what you meant by the line is: "Never give in to things you made that complete me"
In the third line of the third stanza, the first word should be "Your" not "You" (common typo)
All in all, this is a fantastic poem. I was quite impressed with what you did. You might think about those two lines and see what you can do. As a freelance editor, I only make suggestions.
~Jan
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wow that was...haunting lol it sent chills up my spine putting myself there but this is an amazing write such detail in visualization it was great. Eerie but poetic
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This is a beautiful poem. Nice job. I liked the feel I got inside as I read it... quite chilling. Keep it up and good luck in the contest you posted this in.
-Joey -
Oooh! That was fantastic! I could feel the exact same feeling I got from the song, and you were quite convincing. Your vocabulary and flare with description was quite impressive as well.
Good luck!
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