Not with dreams, but with blood and iron,
They enjoy the destructive and bloody fun!
They take from people God's gift precious;
turning even more peoples' lives a bloody mess...
Thousands of soldiers from each side,
before their sudden death, they have none to confide;
No confidants to reach their secrets,
Their notes reach only their death beds...
A king wishes to rule, so, themselves they kill;
They sacrifice all for the ruler's will...
Or may be he wants an area to conquer,
Not thinking of fighters- acting as a cur!
Is there a need for such a sacrifice?
Why can't a king think of leaving this vice?
He should rather let the others live,
The gift of a new life he should give...
Author notes
here, the kings mean to mean all the rulers, presidents, and everyone who presides over a country, as a king, or whoever. hope you got the message!
Written November 26th, 2005
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1 - 87 of 87
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You've got some really good ideas here, many of which I agree with. I think it's very sad how many lives are lost in wars, and often over things that (to me) aren't worth fighting for.
There are a few things I think you could do to make this poem even stronger. I noticed that the rhyme scheme isn't consistent in the first 2 verses compared to the last two. Not that the flow is horrible, but I think evening out the rhyme would give it an even better one.
In your first stanza, you use the word "blood" or "bloody" 3 times. Repetition becomes very noticeable, especially when used so close together. With so many wonderful and descriptive words to choose from, don't feel like you need to limit yourself to just one.
Other options might include "murderous" and "violent", for example.
The second stanza makes sense to me as a whole, but seems a bit awkward in wording.
Just toying around with it a little bit, maybe something like...
How many soldiers from each side
carried regrets before they died?
No confidants to hear what’s said,
secrets reach only their deathbeds.
Anyway, just a few things you may or may not want to consider. Outside of that, I think you’ve done a really nice job with this. I see you are fairly young, and it would be interesting to see how or if your thoughts on war change as you get older. This may be a poem you want to revisit a year or two from now. Thanks so much for sharing. I enjoyed reading it; it's something to really get me thinking.
Best wishes,
~J.
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thanks a lot!!
hey!! that was a very critical comment... just the kind i love... i'd really consider the corrections you told me as soon as my school exams are over. the corrections were cool... especially the first stanza one, coz i've had so many readers here but surprisingly no one noticed that, which should have been very obvious!!! lol (though it never struck me either!! hehe!! )
best of luck with ur poetry. tc. and thanks once again!
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IF YOU WISH TO ENTER ANOTHER WRITE THAT DOES NOT TALK OF THE ATROCITIES OF WAR, YOU MAY DO SO. DANNY KNOWS THEM ALL TOO WELL. THANK YOU FOR ENTERING. VILANGER
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i wish to thank you for your entry into this contest for danny. the overwhelming support has truly touched my heart. i wish you the best of luck with this entry. i have extended the date as there have been many wishing to enter. viyanna r langager
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I cried at this stanza "thousands of soldiers from each side before their sudden death ,they have none to confide ,no confidants to reach their secrets,their notes reach only their death beds"This sent shivers down my spine ,imagining them in their shared hell all trying to be brave to buoy one another yet feeling so frightened and helpless in their communal hell.I echo the sentiment portrayed within this,why sacrifice innocent lives for power,greed,land?I feel this write maybe strengthened by changing a few words in the last three lines of the last stanza,but it stands alone in the foundation of both its inherent message and the rest of the poem.Well done,I hope mankind hears more poetic voices such as this and takes heed.What is man fighting for?The freedom to fight?Love and light,Yvette.
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You make your point in the final verse - you ask the question "why?". The answer is that you cannot run an empire on kindness. The first emperor of the whole of China gave that populous country its modern shape, and a single system of writing. He caused the Great Wall to be built, and it still stands. To achieve this he waded hip-high in blood. A good thing? A bad thing? History judges according to the mores of the day - moveable standards - who are our heroes and our villains, and whether war, a particular war, any war is ever justified...
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i may change the first suggestion, but i think you didn't understand what i wanted to say with the other two lines... firstly i didn't mean they have nothing to confide, but none, that is, no people, to confide, because when one may be at a war, you just have to fight, and then if you die, you have all your secrets buried... and one is not prepared to die that way, because then when one goes for a war, you don't know you'll die, and then you have all your secrets in the death bed! and then secondly, not thinking of fighters is that the rulers just rule, and send soldiers, like presidents, or anyone, not blaming anybody, but ones who fight are soldiers, and they lose their lives, so i mean to say the rulers and all don't think of fighters... so, it's something like that!!! thanks for the suggestions though
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thankyou so much... and i'm very glad you liked the poem
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The folloeing bellow, I'd like to suggest like a one word change to help your flor even out. This is just my thoughts.
Good luck with cotest.
Rose
turning even more peoples': turning more peoples
they have none to confide: nothing to confide
Not thinking of fighters: no thought of fighters -
oo.. this is VERY good and powerful... there are many days when I'm watching the news and I just think to myself "Are you SERIOUS!! get our boys out of there and let them deal with their own countries problems!!" I mean, we have issues and problems here at home that we should be working towards and spending billions and billions of dollars on - NOT a war to better SOMEONE elses country - I mean, I understand we're trying to help - but HONESTLY... we're getting killed! well, not killed as in the over all fight, but our boys are DYING!!! anywho - this is a very great poem and very timely! nicely written!! good luck in the contest!
~Cowgirl -
thanks
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This is amazing. Seriously. Why DO we have wars? Why DO people have to die? This poem spreads a message I think everyone should know
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thankyuo so much for the many compliments!!
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Excellent (A+++)
This poem is an outstanding proof of your emotions. You state what a lot of poeople (the majority) are to afraid to say theirselves. Afraid it would be politically incorrect. I like it. It was a little choppy and a bit of a difficult read because of that. But good meaning, good emotion, good purpose. You seem to be a really good writer, keep up the good work, from my pen to yours most lovingly, Tifanie P. -
thankyou soo much!!
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Very Good
this is a good poem, no one wants war and violence in this world and most of the people want peace here still we are not able to achieve peace thats just because of some stupid kings and leaders. Rhyming was good, a vrey vital poem which everyone should read
- HH -
thankyou
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thankyou poeticweaver!! unfortunately the contest's ended, and gave me no good results, but its fine!
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had trouble with some parts...the flow was choppy. but other than that, really nicely done. good job with writing this. worth the read.
blu -
Really deep, and my friend read it as well, just chillin, and wanted you to know, I hope you do well in the contest, and this hit the core..great job!
-Timothy -
thankyou so much!! and thanks also for the applaud!
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This made me really think... its brilliantly written with great flow.. its gd that u can show such a strong opinion in a terrific way! well done, keep it up! x x x
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thankyou so much for such a long and wonderful comment...
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A very strongly written anti-war poem. You've kinda hit the nail on the head here! It paints a really honest picture of what war is and its TRUE nature. Yeah, war indeed is a senseless thing which leads to so much devastation, including the loss of life. The last line was truly great.
Well, I found out this quot yesterday on a site, which is kinda satire on WAR. Check this out:
"O Lord our God, help us tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it..." [Mark Twain, "The War Prayer"]
I know it sounds really cruel but this is what war is all about...cruel, senseless, brutal killings.
Good job and wish you luck in the contest.
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thanks for the advice, i'll just alter it!
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Of course the purpose of your poem is apt in every age. I did find the prase "not thinking of fighters; acting as a cur" could use some further thought. The semicolon may be misused. One of us needs to recheck the rules for its place here. Perhaps a dash would be better.
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cool thinking!
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Great write, I'm an anti-war type aswell, seeing that my people were decimated for the very kings and queens you're talking about. I however do not see any nobility in warefare, or any kind of violence. Why not, just do it the old fashioned and and put your "dukes" up. Atleast that way to live for one more day.
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hope you liked my drawing!
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Paints a picture of what war is really about
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I enjoyed the tone and flow of your words. I don't really like war poetry but you sucked me in and made me think. Thank you for that.
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Great
I loved the quaint tone. Good peice. As Gross pointed out, some things about this work are a bit off. That did not detract terribly from it though, as this referrences kings not presidents, and draft was not unknown in the B.C. Anyhow, keep this kind of quaint writing up, it's a look into what poetry should be. -
Bold
Very strongly written piece and true sentiments. Although I don't agree with the content, I do agree with your right to express it I think the second stanza doesn't ring quite true, as the soldiers have joined the military willingly. Otherwise, bravo!!!
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i liked this poem. i normally don't like mythical type poems. or these types. but this one held my intrest through the end. nice job keep it up.
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hey kiwi07, thanks for liking my poem, and i'd love to see you looking at more of my poems!
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thanks a lot lansnow! glad to know you liked my poem!
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thankyou so much moon child0709 for the lovely comment, though i don't have lot of time just now, but i'll try to read that poem of urs!
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A very grim and slightly unforgiving tone to this one. I like it. Your use of imagery in their notes only reaching their deathbeds was inspired. Great write and thanks for entering!
-Lan- -
excellent job!
this poem is especially fitting in a time when the war in iraq is so controversial. it is honest and really brings up the political issues of our time. i am glad someone is willing to take a stance, because there will always be people not on your side. i thought this was a great read and makes everyone consider not only the effects of war, but the soldiers involved. -
how true. man. very moving, very powerful. i like it alot. great job. keep up the awesome work!
love autumn
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Good one...but you must also understand that to be forgoten is truly a fate worse then death, so by carving their names in the flesh of others they insure their own immortality
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I know you got a lot of this: great, moving last stanza! This whole poem flows nicely though, and the rhyming doesn't seem that forced. Good luck in the contest!
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Very good job!
I chose this because this current war is something very central in my life. I am a military wife, daughter, sister and friend. My first love was killed two years ago in Fallujah. Over the course of this war, though I didn't understand it...I knew that he did, and died holding the belief that his presence there was justified. I have written a poem about him and it is posted here. I'm sorry if that is promotion, but it seems that we share this interest and I wanted you to see a different perspective. Your piece is very well written and is very effective at conveying your message. That is what poetry is all about, beauty in communication...and you succeeded at that. -
This piece certainly holds good thoughts and ideas, however, the rhyme is so forced.. good try though. Definitely not a bad poem. Last stanza is lovely.
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The Best
you can tell that a poem is good when you can read it from top to bottom and then read i again from bottom to top and it still makes sense this is the best poem I have read on this website I look foward to seeing more of your work.....
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A very good and thought
provoking write...Keara -
yes it shouldnt be to complicated to get along and live in peace should it. try reading osydens poem An illegal war. x
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such an underlying tone to this poem which reaps itself a very powerful political statement as to such issues of war, Lifeisjazzy. you've really accomplished an image in the reader's mind which kings and dynasties beyond the images is very relevant today. really good poem which I enjoyed reading very much. good luck in the contest!!!
Jo -
thanks, i'll try to improve, because this was writtem in a big hurry for this contest, but then it is now postponed!
Edited on Nov 27, 10:35 because ''. -
thankyou so much tarnishheart, and i will still be glad if u read more of my stuff!!!
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thanks riddleback
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thanks mystical gardenia!
Edited on Nov 27, 10:30 because ''. -
Now onto your write.
the content of this write seems a bit forced, maybe rushed is more like it. The first two stanzas set it ip, yet the last two stanzas seem out of place. It almost seems like there should be two more stanzas in between. To seam it together. Or perhaps, possibly rearranging the ones you have. Just a thought`write on! -
Saying lifeisjazzy, is "just a kid" is ludicrous.Your single celled answer, pretty much shows of what your made of here. Like most teevee fanbased scorecard answers that were pasted afore your brow, you simply cast aside somebodys questioning as if you know anything more than the fox network bleatings. Perhaps you might investigate for yourself what all the world means to you, for you, and let the free thinkers question life openly.
okay, mu rant is over...carry on -
The theme of this poem is wonderful, a very good idea. the flow is very nice and word choice is excellent. very well written
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well vic, i just replied back to say, the simple thing,that your coment was very true... even we don't understand!!
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I agree with you 100 percent if people could get along,there would be no need for wars,this is a good read you did a good job.thanks-kirby
ps. get time read -fighting mans prayer you may like it. -
I really like this, I guess I should have went and read more of your stuff earlier, You have a great talent!! This was very well written!
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Bravo
Bravo, excellent poem -
Bravo!! Well done!! Let the music in your w
Thank you for this wonderful piece.... advocating peace Eloquently orchestrated... thought provoking... "Is there a need for such a sacrifice?
Why can't a king think of leaving this vice?
He should rather let the others live,
The gift of a new life he should give..." You have taken your wonderfu gift and spoken for such a just cause Wishing you much success in all of your endeavors And a Joyous Holiday Season
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4 Stars ****
well.. a nice and wonderful poem here.. shivani .. really infuencing and inspiring.. i like it.. the rhymes seemed little forced.. but then the theme and the concept of this poem is wonderful
Again in your conversation with Orionis above you said "people basically dont understand .... " .. well.. kinda you are included in people too aint you... ..
everyone in this world wants peace... but then.. personally i believe.. and to be realistic.. i think.. its not possible to achieve total peace...
i am not trying here for an argument dear.. just gave out my opinion.. if i get a reply on this i wont reply back
.. and again.. i must say this poem is marvellous.. .. i liked ur presentation ... carry on writing.. .. and i am glad to have been reading you
take cares and have anice time my dear friend.. just keep it up ... your humble little friend... ....... 
...... ...... - vic ( who else? )
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yeah ofcourse, i know that, and i never denied to the thing that you have to defend, but the thing is that people basically don't understand that they should themselves not invade, or start the war... not that u should not reply...
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but then that's what i am trying to say, that why does after all pakistan trouble us, or why does ny other country trouble the other. why can't they let us live in peace, and be in the same themselves... at that time it is not our fault, but theirs, so the one who needs to improve is pakistan, or whoever else who invades!
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and like when? why should actually one nation attack the other, that's what i have mentioned, that why do you want to conquer the other land, when you should rather be happy with whatever you have... but nobody is...
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this was indeed a very witty answer, and especially about the chess thing. i thing a poem can be made out through this idea. thanks a lot, and i'd love to work on this topic, because of ur witty help!!!
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well said in many ways. However I do not see that blood shedding will ever end , for the mentality is not to be only as strong as your opponent , it seems to be the goal to prove that "you are stronger than the opponent" And hence weapons of sophistication are used to destroy. I wish the day would come that war would be more like a game of chess....use your wits to keep your country safe , instead of weapons ( further more, I do not feel any safer now in the US than I did before Sept 11th) as a matter of fact ...i think we are even more vulnerable and we are becoming like the " cheese that stands alone"
Best wishes in this contest,
Reenie
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I did get your message and I know that it was the pome you were talking about I just noticed when I replied how bad my spelling was in my first comment and felt embarresed by it
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y... did u not get my last message... i mean i think u misunderstud it, i meant the poem matches ur name, not the comment... why did u write what u wrote in the last comment??
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what can I say
Sorry about my spelling being so terrible in my previous comment, it's terrible :'( and then I dare comment on yours
horrible I know
Edited on Nov 27, 7:50 because ''. -
well, it matches ur name
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Amen on that. So true...veryu good poem. Just a not, maybe is one word, not two as you have it Good luck for the contest
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thankyou so much!
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This was a great write, i really enjoyed reading it. I think it's fairly emotional, the flow is great and the imagry is really good too. Well Done, keep up the wonderful work
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cool!!! thanks for commenting!
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I already had it...I knew very well what you wished to say just wanted to bring about the other side of the coin...okie..cheers Shubs
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thanks, and i think,not that he should not reply when one comes ti onvade, but i want to say, that why should one invade the other! the basic point is that BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE and no need to invade actually, or try to conquer... got it!
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Apt title yet the king has no choice if someone invades his motherland..in that sense an army is required..but to conquer no..so well thought of and the rhyming was nice...Shubs
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thankyuo for the applaud and for the comment! glad that u liked it!
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Sandy, your poem is great; hits on the head the idea that rulers are selfish and go to war far to easily not caring about the blood and sinew that will win it for them. Lives lost to the great beyond merely for a whim. From Alexander the Great to Napoleon, to Pres. Bush; war war war war. "blood and iron" great idea/phrase. I got the message, thanks. Walt.
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i am shivani btw... and hey, why did u need to click on feature for reading this one. i lost 14 points.. now give me 14 points... thnx anyway for the applaud, but since u know me, couldn't u have opened my page and read the poem?????? thanks anyway for the sweet positive comment!
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woooooooooow wat a kwl poem u have really made me think about this poem you have done a gr8 job - bravo lifeisjazzy
i 4got ur name
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this was such a true comment, because nobody really cares for those who have died for somebody else... thanks for commenting and understanding.
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They lead and we follow
A depressing story indeed of leaders who have dragged us into meaningless wars where all our losers of life and liberty.You ask the questions but who in his Meglomaniacal mind will care to answer.Scary,bloody imagey made this a very readable poem. -
thanks a lot friend...!
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Reace man! yeah thats what we all want, right? ryhming is really good, and I think thats the best part of it.
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ahha...!!! well, i was only saying, and it is true, that my poem is much better than yours!!!
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Nice story my dear friend. I can see a lot of efort here. But, look who was talking about my cruel story?
~Sonja~
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