Dried is the stem,
curling tendrils forgotten
lie like rust clinging,
breathing my oxygen.
Petals stripped of color
fading like the dying light
on shaded windows
to nowhere.
Broken clay pots
settle with the remnants
of life suffocated
as sadness lingers.
Fallen pods of hope
blowing in the wind,
lost to the parched
skin of the earth.
Gone is the bloom
reaching for the sun,
on a winter cold day
filled with grey.
Author notes
We are all, but flowers that either strive or die, from life or living
Written November 25th, 2005
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Thanks for helping me find the clarity...Peace Muddy
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it looks great now.
awesome job. -
of course
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do you allow revision?
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this is really pretty but there are some commas which, in my opinion, are unnecesary and detract from the flow of your poem. great word choices and composition.
thanks for your entry,
Lea -
Nice
I just adore your style. The stanzas flow nicely and the breaks are natural and don't disrupt the poem in any way. It makes a nice image without telling a conventional story, just showing something melancholy. -
Wow this is absolutely amazing, one of the best I have read in awhile I would say. I really can't think of much to say beyond that. Excellent, amazing work.
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Yes, this is very good. I could picture the words and I could feel the sadness in them. Shancy.
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This is beautiful Muddy, and sad too. Reminds me of that old song "Where have all the flowers gone?". Nice penning my friend.
~Lyrical
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Brilliantly conveyed... an awesome work of ar
A striking piece here the imagery is forlorn as a painting drawing you within intensely... each stanza the metaphors and rhythm resound in the haunting saddness... "Petals stripped of color,
fading like the dying light
on shaded windows
to nowhere" Brilliant Excellent Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors and a wonderous Holiday Season
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wow. Like everyone else has said, this has a great use of metaphors. I have never thought of humans as flowers, but I guess, like you said in your authors comments, that we do share some of the same concepts. It was sad, sort of like a heartbreaking-but-not-enough-to-make-me-want-to-cry type of poem. I loved the flow, I loved the wording. I liked "on shaded windown to nowhere" That sort of came out as the speak-up line, so to say. I loved the entire poem and I think that best of all it was extremely well written. I quite literally have no suggestions for this poem whatsoever. But, this may sound stupid, what is an epitaph?
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Very nice, Muddy. Great imagery and wonderful use of language. Great job making your reader feel your emotion as well. Very strong piece.
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great job!
"Petals stripped of color,
fading like the dying light
on shaded windows
to nowhere.'
Wow! i love it. the words and the metaphors are amazing. wondeful job. Keep it up! have a good day
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you have such skill with words and with metaphor. great job. i felt cold and unloved after I read it.. like a wind could sweep me away
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This is metaphorically stunning - just beautiful Richard.
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wonderful poem, beautiful lines, beautifuly written,
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'...Gone is the bloom, reaching for the sun on a winter cold day filled with grey.' Gorgeous & powerful imagery, Muddy...a sense of Life's infinite circle, constantly turning...concise & stunning language, my Friend...well done...Good luck in the contest, Scribe...
♥ Wanderer
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this is an awesome write. i could really picture the words you were saying and then turn them into something else. this write could have many meanings. it is really good.
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This poem feels so contained in its sorrow. It almost feels to me like ashes speaking from the urn. There are so many beautiful lines. I found myself wanting to read it a second time, then a third. It is really well done.
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That is awonderful poem!!!...As well it's dark in a since too!
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is this metaphorical? either way it's great! keep it up.
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