Orange juice needs to concentrate
Or else it will sour taste unthinkable
Excessive water must evaporate
Orange juice needs to concentrate
Be chilled until in a frozen state
When thawed will again be drinkable
Orange juice needs to concentrate
Or else it will sour taste unthinkable
Author notes
Orange juice needs to concentrate.
Written November 25th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Work with the Phrase by rexi and eso.
500 points, ended December 3, 2005, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Oranges and/or Lemons by Vera Rich.
590 points, ended January 30, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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You started with a given phrase which was an little awkward, and chose to maintain the awkwardness through the poem. Actually that's damn difficult. I'm not sure it works, but I appreciate the effort that went into it.
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Thank you for entering the competition.I However, I have to say that I find the syntax a litle forced. Perhaps some punctuation would help.
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Sensational silver winner - congratulations.
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YEEEEE! what fun! i love the way triolets read! (actuly, this is the first time ive ever read one lol) i didnt think you could pull that phrase off! suprised me
thank you for an outstanding entry!!!
-Song- -
Gramps, Well written and educational at the
same time sweet or sour how ever its served.
I'll take mine in being concentrated.
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