dazed and half-conscious
i speed through the night
drunk on the vintage
from your jar full of tears
i trace an unsteady path
down a winding mountain highway
along a sheer cliff
with a drop-off to oblivion
where it reaches the valley
it ends at your doorstep
and if i find my way safely
i should be there by morning
i know you wait for me lady
that is the fire that propels me
and i would not see the road
but for the light in your eyes
get some rest darling
you'll not always sleep alone
my sight grows ever clearer
and love turns on a dime
Author notes
This poem is not about driving a car
Written November 23rd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything && Everything. by Antebellum.
600 points, ended July 20, 177 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you're just going to say something generic like "Nice flow," please don't bother.
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Excellent flow...??? 
Sowwy. Smart-assedness comes too easily as I grow older, it seems. 
Yeah, life turns on a dime, too. Sigh. I try to follow the curves as best as I can.
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wonderful flow,
great write, thanks for taking the time to enter.
good luck -
nice metaphor... i like the concept of a different appearance... thank you for entering and i wish you the best of luck in my contest...
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Wow, It was a pleasure to read. The words flowed together nicely. Great work, keep it up.
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Wow, I really do like this, very well written, and what Im looking for... I love how you found a quote to direct to it!!! Nicely done, great write, and good luck in the contest!!!
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Awesome! Thank you. It is a cool idea for a contest. Too much old hat makes _____________ a dull boy. (For the sake of anonymity.)
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i wish i was half dazed right now, well actually i am but i mean on booze. a good poem, love is the mad life. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Agreed--love is a crazy experience. I just signed a separation agreement with the woman who inspired this poem. We still love each other. If that's not crazy, I don't know what is.
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oh wow...i really liked this. it was really, really good. im actually quite speechless, not sure what to say but wooowww. lol.
but yes, good luck in the contest, love. this was great. thanks for entering! -
Better the second time
Ran across this in the featured area and didnt remember it right away until I got about halfway thru...Better this time around, you, this echos with so much emotion and derring-do and life. -
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Featured?
Someone featured this? I had no idea. My thanks to whoever did that.
So encouraging to get such positive feedback from someone who writes like you do. Probably the reason you didn't recognize it is that I decided I had sold out when I reformatted this with proper caps, punctuation, and linebreaks. It is better this way, with the orginal format.
I saw you posted yesterday. I'll be sure and give that a look.
Thanks for reading!
Best,
Morgan
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Jar full of tears.
I really like your reference to her jar full of tears. It reminded me of how some ancient peoples used to catch happy and sad tears in jars and when the occasion called for it, they would drink from the appropriate jar and feel that emotion as a result.
Love turns on dime is also appropriate. Just having gotten divorced myself I felt this too, wondering how I could love someone one day and another person the next, but love doesnt make sense all the time and it does turn just as you say.
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How about that. I didn't know people used to do that, but it's exactly what I was saying. How nice that you liked my two favorite lines the best.
I am very sorry to hear about your divorce. I had a brush with that, and it nearly destroyed me. I hope that was not recent. Thanks for reading.
Best,
Morgan
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mysticstorm: Yes, that is almost exactly what I was saying when I wrote this. It's an "I'm sorry" poem, to be sure.
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Having been in long distance relationships I understand your charactors dilema.
I enjoy reading this poem well thought out Nice job.
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That's my favorite line, too. People have mentioned spacing in the past. Suggestions?
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Thank you for giving it a second read. There's one more person I can say is actually on here for the writing. Live long and prosper.
~Morgan
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Yep. Everything in the "Teleflora" collection was sent with flowers. Thanks for reading.
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You know what? I read this once, and I wasn't very sure if I liked it. Then I read it a second time really taking in the lines and concepts. And then it all clicked. So now...I think this poem is actually very good. I guess there's one or two small things I could pick at, but I completely see the reason for having them. Anyway, very good write. I enjoyed the second time around.
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How lovely. I love the metaphor and your wonderful choices of words. It has the feel of discovering that someone love you more than you realized and maybe you were distant until you saw the pain it was causing her. You than coming to the realization the you love her more than you cared to admit. Now eith that knowledge of oneself, you want to quickly make it up to her and spend your life with her.
Though that is only my perception of this beautiful piece and I may be way off. That's what I love about writing, many people will read into it many ways.
Truely wonderful! I love it. -
great
Wow.. this was really good. I'm too young to have been drunk, but you definatley put a picture in my mind of what it's like. And I don't think I'll be too keen on trying it anytime soon. LOL. but this was truely very good. AndI relly liked it.
~*~ Danielle ~*~ -
well...i first thought it was about a car...but i was indeed proven wrong...wonderful poem, i enjoyed reading it!!! thanks for sharing, it was sweet. Keep posting, and never stop writing!!!!
UndiscoveredBeauty -
Awesome beyond words. BEautifluuy penned and teh words cholice was excellent. HAd me breathless. Thanks for sharing once again girl YOU ROCK~
lvoe
Vsutton -
hahahahaha pretty sad that you had to put in your authors comments that it wasn't really about driving a car huh? This was a great write. I think a real poet should find the meaning without it being pointed out! My favorite line:
drunk on the vintage
from your jar full of tears
That is an awesome metaphor! loved it! -
i like the author comments. sometimes what seems obvious to others does not always so easily appear in the minds of others, though i did understand that this wasn't about cars from the beginning. anyway, about your piece, it was great. fantastic flow to it and story-telling, i like the whole concept of being intoxicated with someone (in fact, i've used this word before to describe my relationship with someone.. 'intoxicating'). righ, well, i just truly enjoyed reading this. my favorite bit was:
"i would not see the road
but for the light in your eyes"
that was just beautiful. fantastic. keep up the great work. best wishes
~shadowlyn -
"get some rest darling"
I just sighed at that line..and the ending.
Well done.
Perhaps, some line breaks/thought breaks, could seperate this
beautiful write, even more.
WEll done.
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a pleasure to read. i really liked it.
great word choice
i like the jar full of tears image.
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This line sticks out for me, "from your jar full of tears" because I once described myself as "a jar of tears" in a poem. I like these lines best, "and i would not see the road / but for the light in your eyes"
This seems like a making-up poem. Am I wrong? Just wondering why you were drinking her tears if not. No critical comments except maybe the word "lady." Eh, screw it, I take it back. I like it. -
very sexy poem,
i wish i knew a man that would write that way for me.
she is a lucky lady.
candy -
Grea use of words and so
descriptive. Wonderful
feeling behind this write.
Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D Hunter
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this is a great write, u really do have a talent! keep it up!
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very good
not about a car he he i think i know that hun great write though thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work
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Really, not about driving a car.LOL. well written poem,thanks for sharing your metaphor driven write.
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I...don't know what to say. That was...beautiful. The whole thing sounded drunk in its own right, but made perfect sense and was absolutely romantically breathtaking. I don't know what more I can add to this. B-E-A-utiful.
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Wonderful job here and love can makes us feel so intoxicated........you have done such a wonderful job here in expression.......very enjoyable read.
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Right you are. Extended metaphor, creative violence to proper grammar, mixed negatives, and contradictory double meanings are my favorite devices. Glad you liked it.
~Morgan -
What a great poem, thank you ever so much for entering it into my contest, it is much appreciated, and it is a very good sustained metaphor (please don't say I'm wrong...
) and you express yourself extermemly well.
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Thanks! Sent this with flowers to her at work. I think it is her favorite of what I've written. I'm running out of ways to reciprocate, so I'll just say thanks again--for the pleasurable review.
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well written, unique.
Another poem I wish I had said to my wife. She would have loved it. It is sexy. You write with such a vivid imagery and the words flow like music from one concept to another. The whole poem is a metaphor, and a compliment to the woman you are with this night. Your path does not sound "unsteady" at all. Congratulations on a great poem. I read some others, but I do not comment on them all. This one took my fancy. Thank you for the pleasurable read. -
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Have some java.
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Lol. I like your author comments, they made me laugh. And the poem itself is really interesting. I like how you compare the subject matter to being intoxicated and being driven to your love to driving a car...it's really clever. And unique. Great job.
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Eerily enough, this subject matter is very, very relevant lately. Thank you so much for reading. This is actually one of my favorites.
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This is such a great and sad sentiment for me.... I often take more into things than what normally can meet the eye. Love sways us to and fro as if we were all dangling by loose strings, waiting to be tossed back into the arms of the one that holds the other end... Very nice Morgan - I only wish I had read this sooner!
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I'm flattered. Thank you!
Edited on Apr 06, 5:32 p.m. because ''. -
Oh my gods...you've left me speechless. This is completely stunning. I would hate to think of the idiot who actually thinks this about driving a car. Seriously everyline is absoltely perfect. you're so talented. Thank you for entering my contest and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to leave a comment.
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that is so sweet. love makes us do alot of things....like travel far distances or do extremely great things that seemed beyond our reach. Nice write!
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Awesome poem here. Anyone one who is in as much love as this would be a crazy driver. LOL But personally I have never experienced this. Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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Excellent
Despite some of the critical comments I read, I think the core of your poem is well done and very effective. You sure can't please everyone though. The thoughts conveyed had power and emotion regardless of the style. True, you could have used capitals and broke the poem up at points to please some, but in the end I think you said it your way and that was what really counts. -
What can I say? This was amazing work and definately kept me guessing the whole way through. You have quite a way with your words...amazing way actually. Thanks for entering
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I think it captured the way some many people feel, it was great to read something that pulled me and explained the drivers love.
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great write. without the punctuation it was as if your words were speeding through the night. some great lines in here which others have mentioned already so i'll spare you.
this is smooth as smooth can be
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kick ass and balls all the way dude
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I think the major issue here that brings down the quality of this piece the most is the amount of time you used "and", "if" and "I".
It sounds like on every stanza you are trying to make it seem longer or to give it more meaning, but it's not helping you adding in words that aren't necessary.
It only ends up drowning the piece in excess fat, that smothers rather than encourages the reader to continue.
My advice would be to take the core, the skeleton of the poem and elaborate from it only enough to get your point across, not so much that we can't really see what the point is because there is too much to look into.
I will not leave this comment box though, without saying that you do have many good lines, they just aren't captured within the right amount of structure.
If you were to rework this piece, even slightly, to cut away from the excess that is here right now, this piece would improve greatly.
I hope I have been of help.
much love,
James
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hmmm I like that this makes me think because it makes me think many things. In some ways this could be seen as midnight sex!
Buttttuhh... yeah... I really like these lines: “drunk on the vintage/ from your jar full of tears [...] for my sight grows ever clearer/ and love turns on a dime” Those last lines kind of make it sound as if you are drunk and cheating...
The lack of punctuation makes it seem timid and a shamed of what you've done. Yep... you're a far better poet than I. -
Drop-off to eternity, maybe? There's nothing I hate more than turning out old hat.
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The lack of puncuation works well in this poem. It is a smooth ride. The line "drunk on the vintage...from your full jar of tears" is pretty damn cool. I like it. Plus a few more lines down there is "I would not see the road...but for the light in your eyes." Wow! I am into those lines but whole poem works for me. Although, I am not fond of the word "oblivion" only because it seems over used. But you can take or leave that part of the comment because the options for that word replacement are not all that good either: eclipse, void, extinction, abyss, limbo, nihility, blankness, amnesia, strung out, unconcious, lethe, emptiness, zonked, nirvana (?) Okay well the 21st Century Thesaurus did not prove to be helpful and has thus refuted my dislike of the word oblivion, so I wont' hold it against for keeping it. I guess oblivion, like love, just has be what it is.
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Wow, far out. That's the best review I ever got, and I wrote that piece in an hour. I'd love to know what you think of the one that took me over 100: allpoetry.com/Poem/1590022 It's not possible to put you on my favorites twice, is it?
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It is a good thing you put that phrase in your authors comments, people here are so fucking stupid they would probably think this is about driving a car. I had this one guy telling me my poem about a pedophile priest was a shitty verion of some farm song...or a lamb. i forget, either way they had obviously not read it, or they were retarded, or strive to piss me off.
i love this poem, and i love how its been seperated. (each phrase)
this poem has a practically perfect, gorgeous and worth of envy pull-scale. with the use of no punctuation, you still make the reader ready and eager for the next phrase with the perfect amount of waiting or rushing to it....i dont know if you get what i mean.
all in all, bloody fantastic mate.
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