(italics- SwtAsWine)
Sand
..gritty..
par ti cles
within our midst
a vast stretch of space
time captured in her toes
and the emptiness they fill
ten little digits... beckoning
tracing patterns in the soft sand
pulling me closer, inching their way up
shifting... inviting... inticing me near
threatening... to engulf my senses
they lead, I follow; deft, swirling
leading you... to the threshold
of endurance, of pain;
e r a s i n g my path
I f a l l away
e lu sive
h u n g r y
freed.
Author notes
The question- is it love or lust...
see the companion piece http://allpoetry.com/poem/3053672
Poem Form: a Double Etheree
'love' pic by zelwa.cz modified by me and into a background
note that 'patterns' is used as three syllables in line nine, in keeping with its common pronunciation...
In a list
- Erotica- Soft and Humor • next in list
- Love Era- Collaborations • next in list
- * SwtAsWine (FallingSideways) • next in list
- Carefully Crafted- Some • next in list
- Short List- Ever Changing With Time and Moods • next in list
- Classic Poetry Forms- Etheree • next in list
A contest entry
- Etheree Me Please (Contest) by Paloszoo.
625 points, ended October 6, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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Whoops, please recount your syllables in line 9. I still maintain that this is a phenomenal write!!!
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Very soft and sensual read. I enjoyed it. Nice form. Thanks for entering my contest. I’m honored that you would show your work here. Keep up the great work!
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nice form of poetry ..different for me, but then again its real cool...lol thanks for sharing and keep up the awesome poetry...
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thanks... now go to it! lol
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belisimo
I will send you a complex analysis but let me say great write. -
i would rather be squishin' toes in the sand then out in the snowbanks, that's for sure!
anyway, this was a joy to read. you both work well together on the collabs! 
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I think I pushed Wbiro nearly to implosion on this one, especially since the required syllabels didn't come as quick for me 
Thanks for reading
~Swt
Edited on Nov 26, 1:59 because ''.''. -
I really like this peice, I myself could not write with another writer along with me helping me because I have a short fuse and it blows often.. but you two have done a wonderful job here.
loved this
JKiddey -
Emotion and intensity is present throughout this wonderfully penned piece. A very loving and touching piece that shows warm, passion, and love. I loved every word! And the back ground isn't bad either
Blessings
Bel -
I can't say as I have seen this form before Love but it's pretty cool. I love how the 2 of you each took a line and kind of talked back and forth and I love how you could see who was saying what by the italics. Very kind of dreamy and touching. Great job yous twos. Be Well and Be Blessed
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wow dad!!! This is awesome!!! Ya'll did a great job!!! Keep up the good work and all!!! Happy Turkey day!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
PASSIONATE! This one is sweet and hot,and well written.You've done a difficult form with style.~~~Suseann
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Thanks, Molly, if you ever make it to a beach, think of toes! lol
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thanks, Grossmutti, affectionate and sensual, yes, but also headstrong, combative, etc. lol but mostly the first one, thank goodness!
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Thanks, give, love your motto! and a warm welcome to AP!
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thanks, blueyez, and a warm welcome to AP!
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Thanks, moksh, yes, not all poems can be understood! and welcome to AP!
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Yes, Gregor, form tends to inhibit expression and emotion, glad you saw expression in this piece (I don't think we tried for emotion...) (maybe some intensity!)
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Thanks, Andrew, interesting way of putting it- the 'imagery was visible', I've tried to explain the same thing about the importance of the reader being able to formulate the images... with little success! Maybe your words will help!
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What an interesting experiment! And very succesful. What you might expect would be a very dry form turns out to have real personal expression.
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Thank you, Angela, and a good morning to you!
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Very well done, I too like this form..unique! Great job you two!
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thanks, brigid, and welcome to AP! May your stumblings be happy ones!
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thanks, StoneLion, and welcome to AP!
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thanks, Az!
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this is very unique and simple style of writing for anyone who recognizes the style.
all the best you two
Rae -
thanks, Robin, oh wonderful sis! The site's going to be down in a few minutes for several hours to upgrade... so a quick thanks here!
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Bro, this is adorable. I love toes
Very cute both of you, from your loving sis
~Lyrical
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Nice job. I'e not heard of this form of poetry and you two collaborated so well. Collaboration is hard enough without form with it...that must have been insanely hard. Great job! Great badground too.
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thanks I&V, yes, collaborating is not so easy sometimes!
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thank you greatly, Cheryl! A story of advances, teasing, and overcoming the moment!
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ohhh this is amazing both you Mr Wbiro and Swt have done amazingly well its hard enough to do one but two on top of each other in collaboration well is excellent BRAVO and well done to both of YOU xx Cheryl
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wbiro, I hate to repeat what's been said above but i also wan't aware of this style, but then I am not so smart. anyway this is a very interesting write compounded by two people working to complete once piece, in a style that is structure as stricky this one is. YOu really do make a good team, interesting and good write. image and Visions
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Excellent!
I absolutely love this poem well done. The shape, rhythm and imagery you use is excellent. I love the sense of action and movement you create. The poem starts slow, then climaxes. I really enjoyed reading this- you're talented! -
This is beautiful and unique in style and in the mode of presentation.The imagery painted is very visible and impressive.
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lovely poem WB, and not being familiar with poetic forms myself, the information contained within your Author's Comments only made this poem seem more brilliant in my mind. I can certainly understand the difficulty of form poetry, and you've done a BEAUTIFUL job with this one! really glad I was able to read this!
Jo
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A MESSIAH!
GREAT WORK DUDE I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU! -
ENIGNAMTICAL!
AMAZING STYLE, I 'LD GIVE U 10/10. I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE, MIND BLOWING HA! -
awesome
This was very different, interesting, and entertaining. -
Entertaining
Well thought out, cleaver, witty, fun. Enjoyed it! -
Very Well Done
You two make a very good team I found your etheree very affectionate and sensual. I'm off to read the column, thanks for the read and thanks again for the tip
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I've never heard of this, you have done an amazing job on this. I really liked the style and your talent shines again. Bravo!!!! Superb!!!! Excellent!!!! I like the woman/man thing also. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing!!!
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