I have to admit
I was in the wrong
Two dogs having a shag
Should not have been that distracting
Yet there I was
Transfixed
Not much foreplay
Okay there was none
Quick sniff on the arse
And they were into it.
Hammer and tongs
It was magnificent
No movies
No dinners
No late night chats
Crapping on about the meaning of life
No meeting the parents
No getting her home early
No need to do favours
Just a good hard fuck
To brighten your day
No wedding vows
No family days
No Christmas days
Just a howling good bonk
And no having to phone afterwards
Then I crashed the car
Driving instructor was not impressed
Although I could tell
He was having a sneak peek as well
Lewis Carroll once wrote
“Everything has a moral in it
If only you can find it.”
The moral of this story is simple
Those dogs never even looked up
Just kept banging away
Totally focused on the moment
You have be impressed
Somebody stacks the car
Just outside your bedroom window
Don’t tell me you wouldn’t go
To the curtains for a quick peek.
It really is the difference
Between love and lust
When I was younger
I wouldn’t have gone to the curtains either
Author notes
Written November 23rd, 2005
A contest entry
- Anything goes. by still.she.waits.
600 points, ended April 1, 2008, 113 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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ha ha. i have to say i loved this more than the first time that i read it. my favorite lines:
It was magnificent
No movies
No dinners
No late night chats
Crapping on about the meaning of life.
and i love the pit picture. ive got two of my own.
happy trails -
It's great how you managed to include a moral in this humorous, and actually also 'brutally' honest poem
thanks for this entry as well!
Leander -
I truely liked the peice. I won't say liked, actually your ideas here. Your words used, your expressions, your comparision most importantly LOVE AND LUST, these all were great. Even when you comapre it with two dogs, in starting it is just confusing. I really wasn't able to seek myself out, what do u mean? After reading a the lines
"It was magnificant,
no movies...."
then I had hints that you are comparing that couple with that dogs. Its really interesting to know that one's imagination can go that far.
One more thing I liked about this peice is the utilization of the facts of the normal day to day life. No movies, no getting home early, no favors... One poetry if considered gold gets places with diamonds if such daily things are used. I really appriciate it.
You were also clear in your terms, thats more better. You said it quite clearly that just a hard fuck! These qualities makes your poem great. Everyone knows these basic of love. What love needs? This allows an image to run along with the poem.
And your curatin point, is also great. You have clearly expressed human nature over here. Everyone seeks true love then why do person peek and peek on unknown souls and hearts. This is abosolutely perfect.
One thing, I don't know that was it intentional or natural or by mistake.
"The moral of the story is simple........
When I was younger
I wouldn’t have gone to the curtains either"
These lines. I suppose that it is the moral, or at least one of it. I think that you here express that how much the life changes from young age to old. What a change in nature occurs. Our nature, thoughts, wishes, do's and don'ts all changess with time.
Well, how ever you wrote it. It makes your poetry perfect.
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I like the way you include yourself in your observations. Though I would argue that cats are more interesting to watch
. Thanks for giving me a smile. I like the down to earth honesty of the read, not to mention the downright hilarity of it. I like the way you snuck in a moral to the story when we least expect it.
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heh ... how true ... i loved the criss crossing between animal and the animal within us (less animal as we age .... ? i hope not ! ... actually i think not ... different behaviour as we grow older but still animall) ...
i think you mean 'you have to BE impressed" here
Totally focused on the moment
You have be impressed
Somebody stacks the car
enjoyed this >>>> EM -
I don't know quite what to think, DP. At the same time as this is a study in the bizarre, it is also a deceptively well-written piece.
This latter remark comes because this free-verse poem reads in a way more appropriate for its message than any free-verse poem I've yet read on this site. Most are written in either broken phrasing or overwhelmingly pretensious tones, laden with archaic phrasing and words that nobody uses. This was just a story- complete with conversational pauses, colloquial voicings, and odd, abrupt segways using Lewis Carroll quotes. This is a poem that demonstrates mastery of the written form- the line breaks serve both to draw emphasis and to come to natural pauses in spoken word delivery anyway.
The reason I say that this was a study in the bizarre was that aside from the obvious bizarre fact of writing poetry about sex between two dogs, it used an entire story to wind its way towards a distantly connected end. That is, the entire poem unfolds around two dogs having sex and the people around them, but the final image of the poem somehow ends up being two people having sex and the moral ends up being a deeply mature commentary about the difference, then, between love and lust. It seemed like finely done college wrestling, or a da Vinci painting: one would never understand the process that went into it, but the final product is undeniably genius.
I've fallen short of my usual quality of critique here, but I'll stop here rather than scribble pages. I'll be back soon with more meaningful remarks, I hope.
Peace! -
it does happen to be funny but makes you think a lot while reading it, there are also those 'aha' 'yeah' moments, it is really a creative write.
it is really funny how many things we do as humans just to get to one point in life
keep on writing
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...and the underlying meaning to this was told in a unique and humorous way. Well-done and best wishes
~Swt -
Nice
Excellent and wonderful write. You are very talented! -
You know, as funny as this is it's also really thoughtful. Nice job and thanks. I enjoyed this, and it brought back some memories that I hadn't thought of in a long time. Nice job.
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LOL - I would have to add that I would probably be out there on the corner for all to see the action either ;-). Guess this was a case of "bangers and crash" in the city ;-).
thanks for sharing! -
You certainly make an excellent point. This is very well written. Animals have the right way of it. The way that Nature originally intended. Great job on this.
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Hey, very interesting. Never read a poem on this topic before which is unusually different. Good job. Keep it up!
Sammie xox -
Excellent and wise! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD JJJJJJJJJJJJJJ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BBBBBBBBBBB! Thanks!
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