Aftermath: Valhalla?

Eternity is a circle, turning forever
Around the unmoved Eternal One;
And I came to see eternity
           as my men fell, under the gun.
I prayed for them and I cried for them
and they followed wherever I led;
And when one of mine was killed or wounded,
             it seemed it was me that bled.
Then I heard a voice that called me aside
             just ahead of the rising sun;
A voice from the shadows that called my name
             and said, "It's time to go home, son."
"You came to know and you came to see ...
you came ... and you see and know,
God, in his mercy, will set you free;
          The time has come to go."
So I gave my knife to my First Team Leader
          and my map and compass, as well;
He spoke not a word but he understood ...
          I saw in his eyes ... he could tell.
In the mid-morning sun as the shooting began
          A mine leaped up from the sod;
It went in the record as a "bouncing Betty"
          But, I knew it was the hand of God!
It killed a Corporal and a Platoon Commander
          and it blasted me out of that place.
As the chopper lifted, the machine guns hit
          and stepped up the battle's pace;
But, we were circling and climbing steady
          and I was up and away.
When we cleared the smoke I looked back
          once, as three more went down to stay.
Then the battle raged and the mortars fell
          and the shooting went on and on
          just as it had for eternity ...
                         except that I was gone.
To a field hospital and the flight back home
                         I moved in a sleepy haze.
They brought me pills to ease the pain
            and the nights ran into the days.
But, it wasn't the pain that tortured my mind
            or the weariness in my bone;
It was remembering the men I'd left behind ...
             Knowing I'd left them alone.

After trying my best to lead them;
After knowing, "It's blind leading blind;"
After feeling the pain they suffered ...
                  (After the pain broke my mind);
What is there left to be after ...
                  (After I've left them behind?)

Then it was the hospital bed and the fog in my head
            and the nurses and doctors and pills ...
Until the smoke blacked my mind and,
It all went away and I was back to the paddies and hills.
And I fought and Joe fought and all the dead fought
And we marched and we cursed and we prayed
'til time stopped moving for me and the dead,
             like a slow-motion picture replayed.
And, always, we'd fight for those hills every night;
                                                    (Wrong hills!)
             and we'd burn some village by day.
("We're certain to catch'em next time they move ...
             and, Damned if they're not gonna pay!)
Then came the nurse with a pill and a smile
and I could sit and look around for a while.
Others were there who had lost more than I
and I couldn't stand to listen
when they'd scream and they'd cry;
The things those men had suffered
I can't find words to tell ...
They were armless, legless, faceless,
                               mindless reminders of Hell!
Then the needle again to alter the pain
and I stood, once more, on that blood soaked plain,
and knew I'd slept for an hour or so;
(Such dreams! Such dreams!) But, there is the trail
to the North and it's time to go.
Now, I've picked up my rifle and called, "Move out!"
And, Joe has answered my call with a shout.
The dead will follow, wherever I lead;
(I've asked for God's help but he paid no heed.)
I guess he's still there in his place, on high ...
But, he can't hear me for the smoke in the sky.
Then the needle and the pill and the needle again
And the hill and the village and the darkness and pain.

And Joe and the mortars and the soul-shredding cries
of a red-headed infant with pale blue eyes
And a kid with a carbine cursing or crying
And all the fine young men are dying
And waking to hear them scream and cry
And sleeping to lead them to fight and die ...
... and ...

After living in two worlds;
After knowing their touch and their feel;
After suffering in this hell and that hell;
After needle and shrapnel, (both steel);
                   What is there left to be after ...
                    After knowing that neither is real?

Then they let me go and I walked, I know,
By day down the city street;
But, when darkness fell, I stood in Hell
With a freckled-faced corpse at my feet.
There are the hills they told us to take ...
(And, they're as real as this, I know!)
And Joe still plays his old harmonica,
                    (I heard it a moment ago!)
There is the river and the trail to the North
and the hollow-eyed weary men.
The best will follow wherever I lead ...
(But, they look so wasted and thin!)
There is the village where we trapped the gooks ...
(My God! How that baby cries!)
And there are the mortars and the mud and the mines ...
                            ...and the smoke still blacks my skies ...