There is nothing like the rain
to make you feel that you're ok
that everything you know today
will sometime soon be swept away.
The rain can wash away your fears
can camoufluge these hidden tears
Will make you laugh
Will make you cry
Can hear me whispering goodbye
And i will stand out in this rain
screaming all my sorrow, love and shame
then sighing turn to go inside
wondering if i'll see you here tonight.
So you will laugh and i will play
this game that's never let me stray
to what i truly feel within
from what i dream that i could win.
But every day recalls the truth
lie to myself but always lose.
I know whats real
But not whats fair
In love and war my heart prepares.
So i will stand out in the rain
scream to you my sorrow, love and shame
then sighing turn to go inside
wondering if you'll see me here tonight.
The rain is falling softer now
the breeze has stilled, my thoughts uncloud
too much to hold
too much to lie
the truth is all i have tonight.
Author notes
i feel like the first couple of verses are kinda...young and typical-sounding...did anyone pick up on this, or notice after you read the comment? ...or does it just work? i cant tell anymore...im too used to the way it sounds.
any way, feedback is great, thanks!
-lee-
Written November 12th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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verdict smerdict
it works, but young is more of a feeling now that your older, by that i mean if you are older and you do somthing young, you cant acctualy be young so therefore its just a passing phase. and we cant be held responsible for how we feel. so in turn i found it utterly delightful (not your utters mind you) the flow was good, although some of the wording was a little chliche, but then again almost all poetry is, and if you look at it that way then
you have to look depper then the cliches and try and grasp the mood of the author, in short good job. -
i really like it except for the first two lines. i don't know why. cliche perhaps? oucchhh yeah i dunno but i loved the rest of it, so... *claps* also you posted this like a year ago.. stop rampaging across europe and write me something pretty
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Ok little miss rain-obsessed girl, I like your poem lots. I like how the rhythem is messed up at that line "sorrow love ad shame" because then I notice it, it slows the reader down and makes them remember that part. Lots of passion, which is always good in poems. Who is Trixie? Remember: your me lifeyy!
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thnks man. good to hear. my rhythym is always funky...but i keep truckin'. lol ah, i gotta go, thanks you love you, talk to you later
-emy-
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...rainy?....
hmmmmm....very good...i like it, although your rhythm gets botched up every once in a while...starting when you say "sorrow, love and shame" if you just say love and shame then its the right amount of syllables, but anyway. I dont care. Ok, i didnt notice the beginning at all, so i dont think thats a problem...and I really liked the repetition of the "chorus". I was ambiguous about what the subject was, there were so many things that could have been expressed in this poem, but I guess it's supposed to be that way....its funny reading this poem while its snow-storming outside...lol....anyway, it's depressing emy. It's sad and depressing...made me wanna cry. I like it though, it was really image-full, and deep (from the heart) ...and i liked it.
love you.
peace out.
trixie -
so sexy. and true!!!!
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holy shit. this is AMAZING. damn its beautiful. GREAT JOB i love it
keep up the great work n keep on writing.. take care
--Jessica
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