She wore his perfect hollow ring upon her finger
The void that it enclosed would not be known.
They say that life will travel out of cycle
Haloing a diadem of stone.
Fixed center traveling 'round the distance
Rounds unsung by children in her head.
Wheels of churning out anticipation
Trapped in orbit till the lie is dead.
Fellowship of brokenhearted can't contain her
When she shines the light of day upon the moon.
Surround surreal suspicion in its orbit
And wrap her heart in spirals gone too soon.
She wore his perfect hollow ring upon her finger
The void that it enclosed would not be known.
Author notes
Written November 21st, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I certainly understand that sometimes real life takes precedence over poetry reading
. I appreciate your returning to comment. Feedback is always a helpful thing. Thanks so much for the kind comments. I loved the contest. It was quite an inspiring topic and it offered complete creative freedom to those that participated. I also got to read some great entries. Overall it was a real treat.
-
I am aware that this poem was entered in our (the bunring house's) Circular Themes contest. As was stated on the contest page, during the period the contest was open I personally, while being a co-judge, was prevented due to work and significant travel (including being in Japan andWashington DC) for most of the contest period) from leaving comments.
I wanted to return now, however, to say what I was thinking when I first read this. I think the image of a ring -- presumably a wedding ring -- as the "hollow" in life is an excellent metaphorical device to dramatize disappointment. The diadem -- a crown of its own and hence another circle -- that is made into the beautiful but "hollow" image of expectation works as a nice thematic exploration of loss. You neatly wend in other elements of expectation, such as children, and hence underscore the entirely separate circles of life and round-about thought. All of those elements are commendable.
Again, please accept my apologies for the tardiness of these thoughts. I assure you that while I have been prevented until now from expressing my comments, I nonetheless held them when I first read this. As a co-judge of the contest for which this was written, let me thank you for entering it for our review
-
Fascinating piece. I'm intrigued by the idea of the ring being hollow, meaningless.
The other image I get is that of a solar eclipse, and I can read this poem as personification of that event. Nice!
I found your rhyming to be natural and subdued, a hard thing to achieve. I'm feeling a pentameter rhythm, except in the first line (and its repeat) and in line 9. If this is what you intend, you can make an easy fix with the first, by leaving out either "perfect" or "hollow" - probably the former, since "hollow" carries so much meaning. Line nine could read
"Fellowship of heartbreak can't contain her"
(which is better syntactically, as well)
I think you have a fine grasp on sound. I really enjoyed this poem.
-
This suspends itself somewhere between myth and reality. It holds the circular theme in the palm of its hand and lends itself to a definite familiarity to the reader. The sadness and regret jan speaks of is palpable and troubling.
Nicely done. Thank you so much for entering the contest.
m -
There is a sadness perhaps or regret in this. You've used some effective language to lend to the message, words like hollow and void. The language is sophisticated and the rounds, the spirals all add to the circular theme.
Thanks for your entry. -
Sounds like many a woman's dream of what used to be?? what should be and that empty feeling, lost and alone
that ring sure does bind
good luck in this contest and thankyou for entering
~GILL~x
Edited on Nov 24, 9:40 because 'uggh..'.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
1 old applause
