It began with a swish
Swish went your coat
As you walked passed me
Swish went the wind
Making me realize how I felt.
As I stared down again
And stared into my drink
I remembered everything
In that brief space of time
Everything would change.
Don¡¯t ask me how I knew
It was a hunch so to say
Maybe it was you or I
Was delusional like usual
I wish I could tell you
But unfortunately I can¡¯t.
As I stare into your dark eyes
I close my eyes and go back
Back to the time when everything
Was right and safe
Not like now
As much as I want to stay
I know I can¡¯t before I get marked.
Author notes
I got inspired. If you get confused it's probably natural. I was reading lyrics and I noticed how they always try to make it vague so I tried that. If it sucks please say so.
Written November 21st, 2005
A contest entry
- YOUR BEST WORK...sad, dark, or abuse whatever you think is your best poem! by Jennifer Petersen.
300 points, ended November 29, 2005, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
This doesn't suck, at all. Its amazing the way you used your words and just the structure of the poem is brilliant. There were parts where the poem was a little hard to follow but then it flowed really well again. I think you did a great job.
*Kayla -
yeah, i got alittle confused, but thats ok. i think the last stanza is the best, and im sure if you worked on it more you could make it much better. what i find is that when you get inspired, or have alot on your mind, its hard to write, but when you do write it makes you feel better. atleast that is how it is for me, which is why some of my poems people are confused about too, but i know what they mean to me, and that counts for something, and i usually go back and fix mine so people understamnd it alittle better, ya knoe? anyway i think you have a good start, and im glade you entered the contest even of you had doubt, that tells me you like imput of your writting, i think ill check out more of your work too, and se what else you haev going on. anyway goodluck in the ocntest, and take care. Jen (judge) *you can do it!*
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