spring time rain
enhances my love for life
and your smile
Author notes
UNDER CONSTRUCTION
This is my first haiku so it's probably not very good. Please critique this because I want to learn how to write good haiku's
Written November 20th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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What a sweet poem. I agree, that last line makes this one awesome.
Score: 9.4 -
Thank you for your helpful critiques! They are well needed!
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The last line is a relaly nice climax, but doesn't quite tie to the rest of the poem. It's also a little rough in the comunication...is the smile enhanced by the rain, or your love for the smile? What does the "and" refer to? Perhaps, assuming you refer to the love, adding "for" after the "and" would make this a little more clear. It is a good poem, but I feel you try to acomplish too much in the limited space. Focus on the rain or the smile, switching subjects in three lines is difficult, not to mention contrary to accepted haiku style - not that breaking common ways is a bad thing, though it can give you more challenge than you need. Good write, and please continue.
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Womderful!! Love and nature, extremely well done!! Wonderful haiku!!
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That was a pretty cool write, you don't see many haikus
Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck
!x!-Taylor
Edited on Mar 03, 4:58 p.m. because ''. -
I had to think about this one and to think it is an amazing haiku, mixing rain into love..makes me feel in awe, awesome write, and good luck in my contest.
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I like this but personally it sounds like an add for a tooth cleaning product...
Sorry! But I still think it is cute. Good write. All and all I liked it. 
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The look of love. Nice work.
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Excellent work
Yay! Your haiku style rocks! Short, sweet, and to the point. When I'd write haikus i'd put like 6 or 7 haikus together to make a sort of cluster haiku. But, it's great to see that you can do it all in one haiku. Excellecnt job!
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This was very cute,I liked it simple and sweet.I don't know much about haiku's but I liked this,great job.Good luck in your endeavors in writting haiku's.
ShellG -
what a tranquil poem... I don't know why I love brief poetry and haiku's so much, as I'm incapable of writing one myself.
This is a calm and sweet poem. I'm going to go hug my brother now. -
keep at it
A good poem. As to whether it would please the haiku-gods or not?? Who knows.
I liked it.
Talia -
rember me!?
kool! don't let them bring u down, i'm a compleat and total idiot.
at leseat i'm a happy idiot.
with my complemments,RayOfDARKNESS. -
You did a very good job of expressing a bit of originality in your haiku. I am no haiku expert, but I love reading them. I wasn't aware that you don't have to do the 5-7-5 syllable count in English so I got to learn something new . I think you expressed a wonderful thought. I am impressed
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ya know.. i could never pull off a haiku.. its so hard for me to get thoughts into a few sylables but you have no problem with it that i can see! great job!
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Thank you! If you don't mind could you give me some pointers on how to write a good haiku?
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For a first haiku, this is rather good. Some haiku could even have 1 word in each line, I used to be taught here on AP about how to write haiku. I have quite a few but not posted as of yet. Nice job on your first.
[J o e y] -
Beautiful
wow marisa.. your haiku is cool... simple and beautiful like "wild one" above has stated.. i would like to add to that saying its "simple, beautiful and subtle..." ... and i am glad to have found a poet like you on here.. i am not much into poetry but now i have joined Allpoetry back in and i will write few stuffs soon..
"smile away the pain"
- HH -
sensational
Simple and beautiful. That's what I like to see! -
In english it is not necessary to use the 5 7 5 syllable count rule which is commonly spread around. 3 lines with less than 17 syllables in TOTAL is the rule in english.
You can say:
spring time rain
enhances love for life
and your smile
this is a haiku.
The reason for this is that syllables in english take up to 5 times longer to pronounce than japanese syllables which are all exceedingly simple and often smeared together.
a word such as 'rain' would actually be 3 syllables in japanese.
'spring' would be 'supuringu' which is 5 syllables and yet sounda merely like someone saying 'spring' with a japanese accent.
also aim for an open spiritual feeling... this is generally achieved by not using capitalization or fullstops.. so there is no sentence.. merely a moment of thought. also try not to use unnecessary filler words 'the' 'a' 'for' etc.. unless required for comprehension.
one other general tip.... haiku are almost exclusively written in present tense. japanese past tense takes extra syllables. (unlike engish which usually just adds a 'ed' to a verb.. making the syllables even more humongous).
good luck in your haiku writing endevours.
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