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A Gift

Offspring
you've given me
with your blissful embrace
tenderly, lovingly claiming me
as your own with your ashen, silken touch
giving me a blessing of life
from your unspoken love
blossomed into
offspring

Author notes

So...this is a rictameter about Kira's thoughts upon her pregnancy.

A rictameter starts your first line with a two syllable word, you then consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2,4,6,8,10 Then down again, 8,6,4,2 Making the final line the same two syllable word you began with.

It was originally this:

A gift
you've given me
with your blissful embrace
tenderly, lovingly claiming me
as your own with your ashen, silken touch
giving me a blessing of life
from your unspoken love
blossomed into
a gift

But I used two words in the first line. It sounds nicer though, doesn't it?
Written November 20th, 2005

In a list

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    November 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    But...it's a gift! Who cares if it's his fault! It's haaaaappy! I like A Gift better too...It sounds prettier.

  • Victoria of Aragon
    November 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Lmfao; it's not his fault! ~Angsty Sob.~ He's just misunerstood! .. And.. Stuff? o o;; Yes.. I'll go with that.

    ANYWHOREEEEE.. I think "a gift" sounds better than offspring, but that's just me. o o; 'Cause I'm weird, and.. Yeah; you all know. However, I must say that this is another beautiful Richameter.. And oh so much better than mine.

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    November 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Well...If Zon showed how much he cared more often and didn't act like an ass because he's paranoid and shit, Flayme wouldn't dislike him so much. She's STARTING to like him against his will though!

  • crimsonshadow
    November 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Okay, well, I do agree that 'A gift' is pretty, but this is really beautiful as well. It captures such a serene feeling and it makes me smile. As much as Flayme might think he's an ass, I do so love Kira and Zon. ^.^

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    November 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you darling. I like the first one better though...gift souns better than offcpring.

  • Yunaleska gold member
    November 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful Rose. So sweet! It's a lovely read and it's nice to read something so innocent and positive about Kira. It's a wonderfuly write. Like the rictameter.
1 - 6 of 6