lone baby sparrow
experiencing first flight
falls to the ground ~ dead
Author notes
Haiku~
Haiku (also called nature or seasonal haiku) is an unrhymed Japanese verse consisting of three
unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Haiku is usually written in the present tense and focuses on nature (seasons).
These are guidelines, and contemporary haiku can have less syllable, just not more.
Cheryl 
Written November 20th, 2005
In a list
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Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Outstanding
This is so well-written... but so sad. It does happen. This is excellent.
~*~Gi~*~ -
Excellent
This is an extraordinary piece. I am assuming that you intended for it to be funny. The first two lines are gentle and emotive of something. But the last line had me in stitches. It wrks really well. I think youneed to check out the syllable count and you need to mention the elemnets and water and stuff for it to be a true haiku. But thanks I really got into it. -
awe
the poor little birdie
nature can be so cruel sometimes, something you managed to capture within the haiku and the picture with it... very well done
thank you for this one (though it's so sad )
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Photo adds to the impact of this haiku. So to the point and that aha moment at the end - dead. Well written. Am going to add you to my favourites. Happy New Year!
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Liked your Haiku, and the picture. Nature can be cruel. Thought you might like to read this sparrow poem:
Sparrow.
by Norman MacCaig.
He's no artist.
His taste in clothes is more dowdy than gaudy.
And his nest - that blackbird, writing pretty scrolls on the air with the gold nib of his beak,
would call it a slum.
To stalk solitary on lawns,
to sing solitary in midnight trees,
to glide solitary over grey Atlantics - not for him:
he'd rather a punch-up in a gutter.
He carries what learning he has lightly -
it is, in fact, based only on the usefulness
whose result is survival.
A proletarian bird. No scholar.
But when winter soft-shoes in and these other birds -
ballet dancers, musicians, architects -
die in the snow and freeze to the branches,
watch him happily flying on the O-levels and A-levels
of the air.
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Cheryl .... i am sure Andrew can point you to a couple of links that may explain haiku to you .... just like tanka there are a couple of specific requirements that make it haiku and (just like tanka) you get to recognise immediately if it is working or not within the form. There are many great haiku poets on this site including my favourites (Wordlover/ Andrew Hide/ Myron)... great reading (and learning) .. there are many many others to be found under haiku. This piece is heart wrenching by the picture alone, the poem extends the 'knowing' beautifully ... nicely done >>> GINA
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I guess in the karmic balance not all sparrows can go out in a blaze of glory, eaten majestically by an eagle. Some will have to slip under a branch for the lesser creatures.
Well written
John -
Powerful
Cheryl,
What a very powerful poem. Your words truly touched my heart. Reminded me of the summer time... with Ellie and all. You know... This also made me think of another time (perhaps last year in the summer). There was a Robin nest on the cabin we have here (you may have seen it, I've made it a background sometime, anyways!) and I'm not sure what happened, but I happened to walk by because I wanted to see the little ones, but saw the nest had fallen. They were all dead except for one. I tried to save it. I even looked online to see what they eat... some sort of formula, but when I woke up the next morning, it had died. I couldn't for the longest time go by the cabin, but now I can.
So this left a mark on my heart, powerful, Cheryl. I bet every bird lover can/could relate to this. Love you tons.
With love,
~
Kalen
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Yes, that bird was too young for first flight, I guess that is why he didn't make it. I think it is a haiku, but it was the start of a tanka assignment. Thanks for the read and comment.
Cheryl
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Ah, poor little thing. The bird in the photo looks a bit young to be ready for flight, though. It probably got blown out by a windstorm, don't you think? I hate when I see things like that. The last fallen baby bird I saw was right in front of an El Pollo Loco restaurant, of all places. The building had Spanish tile roofs that the birds love to build nests in. A few people saw it and turned around because it put them off eating chicken. haha I told the manager about it and he asked if I'd like him to grill it for me. Everybody's a comedian. lol
Anyway, nice haiku (or is this a tanka?). A bit depressing, but nice. lol
Mark -
ow
i have tried so many times to save the little ones when they fall like this and it never ceases to hurt for the loss. sparrows, have One who watches and sees the passing; how much more does He watch over us in our times of need. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
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So sad but so very true. In nature only the strong survive and even then sometimes it takes a little luck to stay alive. For this poor sparrow his/her luck ran out.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
Still we must try.
Very nice Haiku.
Jim -
may I curse you just temporarily? I promise I will forgive you.....but this is so very sad( especially since I read it so early in the am -------witjout enough coffee yet I guess. For this is something that happens daily (but seeing it in primt wth that ever so pitiful little bird)I find it unusual to read something sadcabout birds when it comes to your writes. I do hope that all is well....
much love,
Reenie
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Oh, so sad. I have a feeling maybe you saw something recently that spurred this write. Sad, but adamantly well done.
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A little darker than your usual work, but cool nonetheless.
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this one issad to your other poems i have read.
it filled my heart with sadness.
was a lovley poem
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It happens. We once had doves nesting by our window, and one day we found a fledgling on the ground.
Your haiku raises hope and then dashes it, all in a few words. Well done.
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Oh Cheryl.... ~sigh. Heartwrenching. but lovely work none the less. You're on a writing spree today girl! I gotta run for now, but will catch up with you soon.
~Lyrical
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