Thoughts Upon a "Normal November Day in Upstate NY"

It won't stop squirming
Endless throbbing...
Want to lob off this heart, tear out my head
Mouth hanging open, frozen in thought
Lost in Fear
What the hell am I doing here?

I thought this would be my santuary
But there are bars on every window,
A sheet over the sun,
The fan stuck on high on a cold winter day,
The paper got shredded in the sky somehow
Froze and won't stop blowing
Sticking in my hair like paste and Post-It's
Too bad I can't read what they say.

My bones shake, dancing beneath my skin
Perhaps I'm home to a dancing skeleton,
I should release it and rest in peace.

Standing next to a barren tree
I stare upon its arms and see
Myself, arms stretched toward the sky
With nothing but its soul exposed
Bare bones and spirit...I hear it
Cry like an eagle, "Please take me
Away from here..."
Lost in fear
What the hell am I doing??

I thought this would be my shelter
I could fall out to and still be whole
The walls are padded and this jacket
Chafes my arms, too tight, too tight
Faces in windows leer and sneer
At me?  At life?  I just can't tell
If these hands are mine to hold
Or theirs to tear inside me.

My teeth chatter under the black sun
Perhaps I should chew off my tongue
And choke until I've finally gone
Away.