Too much pain to hold it all in
I just wish I was happy
I wish I could throw it all away
Maybe then I would feel I could win
I wish I could feel some hope
Some tiny piece of chance
That this will all go away, so I can feel relief from this lance.
If not the sky should swallow me whole
For there's no point in living without a soul.
- Casey Greene
Author notes
Written November 19th, 2005
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I love your writing style, very unique, and shows potential of making a fantastic poetic artist!
My only suggestion for you, something I find alot of poems are lacking, so I'm not just picking on you, would be to add some punctuation. Grammar is a really vital part of poetry because it allows the reader to understand each thought and each phrase as you intended to write it. Where as a poem lacking any punctuation could have the potential to lead the reader astray, therefore causing him to draw a completely different conclusion than you intended to give.
Just a suggestion though!
Best wishes fellow poet,
Shirley -
"For there's no point in living without a soul."
Very true. I often feel as though part of my soul may be missing, so this last sentance kind of hit me a little forcefully. I think this poem is very good and I hope you do well in the contest.
~ Sylvia x
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