my head is full
to the brim
with the last of
his traces
with his
stars
and a light year parade
miles away
from this satellite strain
haze insignificant
dresses for miles
and swears at the sea
of humanity
teeming
with dollars which go for
more dollars
with collars worn
by too many hollerers
wishing for more dollars
so they can look the part
no man has yet
to challenge rent
or quiet the sound
of the television
and I asked for a cent
but all I got was a rant
directed at me
since I'm
in (sign) if i (cant)
try, try
as you may
you're just tired
from another
drawn
out
day
spent on nothing
but a waste
a taste of this
tasteless maze
(ness)
we walk through each day
because we've seen
no one who believes
in living
for living's sake
all we see
is mommy and daddy
kissing their pennies
and dishwashing
to save energy
but paper plates
have feelings,
they don't come for free
so dad where were you
when I was three
why'd you inhale your own mess
and take for granted
your own existence?
you shouldn't even think now
it's a waste after all
when all you ever needed
was a way to breathe it in,
this (toxic)ity
unfolding
this quiet
yelling
inner raging
from the past
where no one dared to ask
why you thought you needed
this high,
this
death.
Author notes
Written November 18th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Art it up! by Being Karen.
400 points, ended December 13, 2005, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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excellent
i really liked this -- it's very rhythmic, and an interesting message...i didn't feel that it quite fit the contest because i had trouble categorizing it in an artistic movement (it had a bit of a beat feel to it, but it would have been helpful to mention what artistic movement inspired this) -- that's not a real criticism on your capabilities however because it is a thoughtful, well-written poem and i enjoyed it
i will be back to applaud this tomorrow when i have more applause
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Blech the movie was boring. I prefer the first one. It's more disturbing. And I'm not weird. And it's my pleasure to comment. I also wanted to do this because I wanted to pass the 2000-comment threshold. hmm I wonder if that's properly said but whatever. French. And yeah I did realize what you did with the words. Was good.
-
lol you're so weird. I told you ages ago you don't need to applaud my poems; comments are nice enough. but thanks for taking the time to read through so many and to comment on them also.
the reason why this poem's format looks different is because of the contest I was doing it for. it's suposed to be a poem in the "dada" tradition (which, if I understand, is just basically an excuse to be unconventional, off-the-wall, and lazy) haha. anywho, I really just let it all flow out in this one. and it was fun. and I was hoping people would notice what I did with those certain words, but I'm not sure if they have. like for this one: in(sign) if i (cant) and also tasteless maze
(ness)
and (toxic)ity
anywho, thanks.
Lea
Edited on Dec 02, 7:26 p.m. because 'argh'. -
It worked... :| I got 7 points.
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This is weird. It sounds like you but the format doesn't. I mean with the parantheses and use of bold, italics and stuff all over the place. But it's refreshing. I especially love the first stanza. It makes me think of Macbeth.. or rather Lady Macbeth in that same play when she says, "fill me to the toe top-full of direst cruelty" and blah blah blah. It's so purdy. And this is too. However, I know I have like another couple of million poems to comment on but I'm getting insanely poor (already the contest for Jane had really used up lots of my points) and I'm going to watch the Exorcist II. Mwaha. So... I'll resume the commenting later. Whatever you don't care. I'm just trying to type more here so that I get more points. Mwahahah I'm evilllll. Yes.
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this is a very unique poem, and very...strong...i like it alot and thank you for sharing this, great job!
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You have such an amazing way with words. So many times I find your poems and I just sit and I read and reread what you have written and each time I find more and more to be impressed about. In this poem, I am particularly fond of the first and last stanzas. Thanks for sharing your gift with others.
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Wow, this is a great write. Abstract and written in a very unique way. It questions why we live the way we do... a lot of thought has gone into this. I love it!
HannaH. -
great job on this write,. It's an absolutely beautiful work.Sheer miracle on rhyming the message of heartfelt emotions perfectly blended words seen on this poem with a difference
nice tone and good flow. -
it basically is a poem which squashes the notion of living and thinking the way we always have without questioning why. thanks.
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great job on this write, even if I don't quite understand all of it. It's an absolutely beautiful work.
Great job!
~The Diggety~
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yay
your poetry is just so
beatuiful.
its almost soothing.
i think this is one of my favorite lines:
all we see
is mommy and daddy
kissing their pennies
and dishwashing
to save energy
great job, really.
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that is sooooo goooood!
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Impressed
Sheer miracle on rhyming the message of heartfelt emotions perfectly blended words seen on this poem with a difference !
All the expectations,everlasting questions,experianced here !
gr8t thoughts of yours submits the right spot in reaching the poetic lines.
Amazing truth ,Aweful expressions,Admirable movements of words.
Keep it flowing my dear Amnesiac heaven !
Best of luck !
subbu (purefriendship) -
The art is very good, and so is the poem - some anger and disappointment found in these lines, well done.
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very well written
This is a very abstract write. I like the rhythm of the words and the message being projected here. Your drawings are really beautiful.
etherealforu
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