Journal Entry No. 402

how come i feel so much more alone on the phone with you then without you
i just feel alone in general
fuck that, i don't feel alone, i feel guiltier then ever
i can't do anything right and i just make you more and more depressed
i cant cheer you up anymore
i dont have a point
.
^thats my point why do i cry so much
do i seriously need help because i dont want to go ot a fuc king mental hospital where everyone says their helping but kill me faster
jesus
im never happy anymore
im always so depressed
always wanting to just make you happy and feeling like i fail
you always seem annoyed with me
i wish i could be better
i wish i wasnt writing this and that the lump would move out of my throat and chest so icould just sleep on the phone with you
i wish i wasnt such a god damn drama queen
i wish i could call you back just to hear your voice because i need a lifeline
i miss you
i want you


last night at 11-11 i looked at the clock and laughed
i didnt fall asleep for hours after

please just say goodnight


i hate making you worry and i hate myself for writing this

but hell
it keeps my fuc king fingers busy